Finding Time to Write – An Author’s Confession

     It seems like there is a bunch of craziness flying around in our every day lives. I hardly have time to put makeup on in the morning let alone carve out time for myself. But, as a writer, there is one problem when you don’t find the time to write. You literally start to feel your head hurt from all the ideas in your head.

     I went a month without writing because I started a teaching credential and there just wasn’t much time for anything else. But then the ideas for my current novel just kept replaying and building up until I literally couldn’t sleep well at night. I knew what would cure me, but I wanted to get as much school work done as possible. Writing wasn’t paying the bills like I wanted so it must not be that important.

     I am here to say that it’s vital for an author to live by setting time aside to write. If I don’t write, I start getting a little cranky since I have characters and voices in my head trying to get out, but I won’t let them. So the best thing for me is to sit down and write something even if it only five minutes a day. Not only is this a good habit to actually finish books, but it’s a good time to spend on you.

     If you are anything like me, your books go along with how your life is going, and, if you don’t let those thoughts and passions out, they will just eat you up. What do I mean? Say something bad happens to you and your character is supposed to have something happen to them that might not be in their favor. I find that having my characters go through things similar to me helps me process the world around me. So if I don’t sit down and process the bad things that happen to me, they just build and build until I explode. That is not helpful to anyone around me or myself.

     But, if I take the time to write, that happens a lot less often. So I would encourage all my writing buddies out there to put writing as a true priority when life gets busy. Because it is the way our minds work, and we we need to keep our minds sharp for all the dangers we must dodge as we trudge our way through this adventure and life as we know it. Only until we reach the diamond of success with the sword of determination will we know the victory over the our evil adversary – the schedule.

     Sorry. I just had to add some of my own flare in there.

      What will you write today?

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5 Tips: How to Survive a Vasectomy

If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you know that we are a couple with secondary infertility due to chromosomal abnormalities to any embryo that is conceived and we decided to have my husband have a vasectomy as a permanent way to end our suffering. I am not going to lie that it was not the easiest thing for either of us to go through but it was the best thing. So I am going to tell you about our experience and some tips that we learned along the way.

First, make sure your doctor has the experience. I know the only way for a young doc to get experience is by doing but these are your balls for heaven’s sake so make sure the guy (or gal) knows what they are doing. My husband got a great doctor who was the most requested we found out, but we were just blessed to get placed with him.

For the ladies, I hate to tell you that they probably won’t let you go back with your husband. I had to wait in the lobby for an hour since I couldn’t go back with him. I hated it, but my husband said it was a good thing. He said that my mama bear side would have come out if I saw the doctor messing with his junk and searing his vans after snipping them a part. So I would suggest you just take a book and take the time to relax because, once you get home, you will have a full grown baby on your hands.

Now, my husband is not a wimp and he will tell you that this knocked him on his butt. It did hurt for the first couple of days a lot more than he thought. I have never seen him on so much pain killer, but, after we learned these tricks, things got better.

  1. Support! Guys, you need something more supportive than your boxer briefs. My husband thought it would be and he was very much wrong. A cup would work, but he realized it would be hard to ice with it on. So what we did was just bundle up a small bunch of gauze (like the size of your ball sack) and place it BEHIND your balls. That will push them forward and take the pressure off making them hang while they are very angry at you.
  2. Ice! Ice was crucial to my husband’s recovery. But he couldn’t get it himself. So make sure for the first four days that there is someone home to get the ice for your man every twenty minutes. I would give him twenty minutes on and twenty minutes off. It was tedious, but it got my husband out of bed quicker.
  3. Some kind of essential oil like lavender to help with bruising, and keeping the incision clean. Now I will say here that there is “no medical backing” behind this since it’s natural so ask your doctor first. But I used it and it helped. So do your homework on it but it’s just a tip. Everyone is different. But ladies you are going to want to get something for your man because he will hardly be able to walk to the bathroom alone let alone shower for the first four days. Then, when he was able, I had to be there to help him shower since he had to hold his balls to keep them from hanging. I’ll be honest and say that my husband couldn’t stand naked without holding his balls for about two weeks, but after day four he got pretty good and showering one handed. So something for smell is a good idea, but it doesn’t hurt if it will help his recovery too.
  4. Have the kids out of the house for the first two days. This is because you as the wife will have enough on your plate with your laid up husband and your husband doesn’t need kiddos jumping on him as soon as he gets home. Hit up friends and grandparents to take the kids. Trust me. This is the best tip. I was so tired after that first day that I did really need the second day to just relax and watch movies next to my husband in between getting him ice every twenty minutes.
  5. And finally, try to make it fun. Talk about your sex life after the vasectomy is healed and how worth it is. Because, after about one hour, your husband will be thinking he made the worst decision in his life. It will be up to you ladies to keep his eyes on the prize of being able to have all the hot sex you want without birth control. No more condoms, pills, schedules, thermometers, sponges, or the horrible pulling out at ejaculation. Until he is on his feet, he will need a reason for why he did this and it is up you ladies to do that.

So there are my tips. It might sound horrible to go through but it is so worth it. Our sex life has never been better since we got the final all clear that it was a success. We now can live our lives without the stress of losing another baby and can enjoy the perfect little one we have now. So if you are considering a vasectomy, I would say go for it. It is well worth the few days of pain and inconvenience. Because I don’t know about you but it’s way better all natural and even better when the bullets are all blank.

Hoped this helped. Have a great day! 🙂

How be a Mom, Student and Wife

There has been a lot of change in the past few months for my family. I have gone back to being a full time student! This is very exciting since I will finally (after four years of leaving my last school) be able to finish my dream of earning a degree. Also I will now be able to get a job that can pay for childcare and still have some money left over. The cost of childcare was the reason that I have not gone back to school until now, and I decided to go to an all online school so that I would be able to stay home while still completing my classes.

But me being back in school has also added an interesting dynamic to our home since my husband has to take care of our daughter regularly in the evenings so I can go take a test and such. He has had to learn what it is like to be “mom” when your child doesn’t want what you made for dinner or runs around the house because she doesn’t want to go bed. I have done this job of “fully time mommy” for two years now (all day) and he is now getting a taste of it for only a couple hours at most after work. Is he doing a good job? Yes he is. He is doing a great job, but his finished job isn’t always the same as mine and that has taught me a lot about myself.

I have learned that I do have a specific way I like the house at night, and, when my husband is in charge of cleaning up at the end of the night, most of the times it doesn’t even come close to my standards. I finish school for the night hoping that I won’t have to do anymore, but I come out and the an unfinished kitchen, toys not put away, mail not sorted, and other things that I do to make sure I don’t start the next day behind. But I have learned I have a choice in that moment and it comes with keeping balance.

I am learning that the way I react will determine how things go in the future. I like it that my husband takes care of our daughter for me while I study and he does it without complaint so I don’t want to throw a huge fuss because I know he will stop doing that. He will buck against my reaction and not do what I ask of him with a happy heart. But I don’t want to keep picking up after everyone either.

So I tell him how I want the house at the end of the day and he might come back with the all famous man comment “Well I have worked all day and I don’t want to do anymore”. Ladies, how much does that statement make your blood boil?

Men, that statement is the one way to make sure you don’t get laid for a long time. That statement means that you have belittled your wife to just sitting on her butt all day doing nothing. I’ll tell you one thing, your wife by the time you get home has worked almost twelve hours just being up. If she is like me she has done laundry, made two meals, cleaned two meals, house work, get the kids to where they need to go, clean up again, provide snack, clean that up, made the bed, did the dishes, taken care of the pet if you have one, and maybe gotten a chance to take a pee somewhere. This is just a short list of what wives get done on a regular basis, but you are the one who has worked all day?

But her day doesn’t end there. After she has made a third meal, she goes in and tries to get her lesson done while she listens to you and your children in the living room causing noise and ruckus. She sits there hoping to be able to concentrate and know her husband is thinking about her needs with how she wants the house to look at the end of the day and that the two of you will get some time together. That is what is going through your wife’s mind, but does that happen?

For me right now I am still “training” my husband.  And I say that very lightly because he does do his best. He honestly doesn’t see the mess right in front of him like a woman does with it being a flashing neon sign. For example, I have lost count at how many times I have asked my husband to wipe down the counters after doing the dishes and I come in and maybe 15% of the time they are actually wiped off. So what do I do? Most days I just wipe off the counters.

But sometimes I don’t want to. Sometimes I just want to go in a scold my husband for not completing the job like I would my daughter, but I can’t because he is not my child. He has a mom who maybe didn’t push for the same level of organization out of him like I would like to see. And I frankly don’t want to re-raise him. I would like it if he would just know what to do on his own. But is it worth putting a dent in our marriage over a wet counter top? Is there a better way to handle things when they are not up to your standards at the end of the day?

For you men, I would suggest that if you are not going to fully help your wives out to have things completely done, don’t ask for some special hugs. Just don’t do it. There is no better way to piss off an exhausted wife than to see her finally sit down after having to come in behind you and finish cleaning after working over twelve hours and then studying than to ask for some sex. It will not go well for you every single time. So how do you men get laid more often when your wife is stretched more than usual? CLEAN AND HELP TO HER STANDARDS. It’s not that difficult.

And for the ladies. If your husband is needing some loving time, don’t always say no because sex is honestly how men are rewarded for doing things for you. He is trying and, if he loves you, he will continue to try until his dying day, but sometimes men just don’t get it. They love you though so don’t forget that.

So what do I do to not lose my mind all the time? Because time with me in school is actually a training time for when I am working. I will just lose time to get things done while I work and my husband will continue to have to pick up some of the slack so that the house doesn’t fall a part. This is what I do: Take a deep breath and try to move on. I will ask my husband why he didn’t finish and tell him how I would like to have it done, but sometimes you can only beat and dead horse so many times. If a man isn’t going to do something, there is nothing a woman can do to make him do it. So you just have to pull up your boot straps and keep marching on.

Because you are going to school for you and your family and your husband does need to understand that. There is so much on your plate now and you need to be allies with him and not enemies. So don’t let a wet counter cause there to be battle lines. The way to be a mom, wife and student is to give grace to those around you (especially your husband), love, understanding and a glass of wine at the end of the day while ignoring everything your husband missed.

To Contest or Not to Contest?

So Kindle is doing this writers contest right now and I am wondering if I should throw my hat in. It would be great if I won, but what are the odds? I have a book that would work, but it needs a lot of work. I have until November though so there is a chance that I could have it ready so what is holding me back?

It is because I am scared of not winning? That’s a normal response. Who likes rejection? Not me but that is the business of writing. you would think I would be a pro a accepting rejection.

Or what if I win, what then? It would be great but I would be handing my work to others and they might not take as good of care of it as me. I mean I have spent hours on this and the judges might spend a few minutes reading my work before they move onto the next. If I do win, did the judges really look at the work for what it is or not? I would hope so, but I don’t know. I mean to get a contract, that would be amazing and I would be in the real world of being an author and that is my dream.

What would you do? Would you submit something and hope for the best? Or would you not submit and just keep doing what you are doing? Some opinions would be good I think. Let me know in the comments below. 🙂

River Flows Remix – Your Love Strong and True

So I have a new Youtube video out where I have written lyrics to a another musician’s work. Full rights obviously go to the musician who is Yiruma and his song River Flows. He is a complete genius, but I just got the inspiration to my words from it. Hope you enjoy and feel free subscribe. I will be putting out new videos more often now 🙂

Why Not Adoption?

   If you have been going through infertility, there is a really good chance you have been asked why you don’t just adopt a child, right? My husband and I have many times, and the answer is pretty simple. We cannot afford adoption. It’s killer expensive both foreign and domestic. It’s sad, but foreign is a little cheaper but not much. If you want a special needs child, the odds of being placed are higher, but that was the reason my husband and I stopped trying was due to chromosome issues.

   I know it sounds heartless but it’s the truth. I have been through so much with my infertility problems that I don’t need anymore drama in my life. I can get plenty of that from my three year old. But when researching adoption, I just shook my head at all the fees there are to call a child you’re own. Why so much? And then you turn around and people try to guilt you because there are so many kids in foster care. I am sorry to say it can’t go both ways.

   One website said that my husband and I have to have a monetary net worth of $80,000 to qualify. Are they crazy? I don’t know anyone with that much worth right now. Oh but then on the same website they are asking for donations because they are overrun. Once again, you can’t have it both ways.

    So if you are thinking about tackling the area of adoption, I applaud you. You are a super hero because I don’t think I could do it. Like I said, my three year old is a handful at times and then awesome at others. I don’t need any more babies to have my life full of joy. Do I want another baby, sure, but I don’t need to put my family through unneeded financial and emotional stress to get one. We have already done that trying to have our own.

   Of course I am not saying that if God decided that we were going to adopt a child we wouldn’t listen. I mean God is God and when He decides you have kids, you have kids. I am just saying that I wish that people would keep saying we should adopt a child like it is as easy to go adopt a puppy. It’s not and most families can’t afford it even if they have the room. And foster care is a whole different story where we have personal experience of the State going over the good of the child and enabling the horrible parents. Once again, not worth it for me to have more children.

   Are you in the same boat as me or are you going to go for adoption? Let me know below and also tell me your success stories since there is more negative than positive out there about adoption. Because I think adoption is amazing. I just wish that is was more easily accessible to more families.