So I just got my blood test back and it was negative. I have to still talk with my doctor but I guess it’s my PCOS flaring up for me not having a period since January. I don’t really know whether to be happy or sad to be honest. There’s tears for sure but not like before. I love having one child so I am thankful that is just just her right nowvbut what I am sad about is that means I can’t get pregnant again at all.
With the last three times it was because they wouldn’t implant but this time it is because I’m not ovulating again for this missed cycle. I really hate having PSOC. I don’t know why God has given it to me but I know it has to be a reason. I don’t know where this will leave my husband and I trying for more children but right now I definitely want a break. This is turning our intimacy as a couple into a burden and I don’t want that. It’s not good for either of us and it’s not good for our marriage. So what is the next step? I don’t know.
I just know that my Jesus loves me and He will get me through this. I have nothing else to go off of because this isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. There has be something beyond me going on and I know God is working this out for His glory. But if you think of it, send a prayer my family’s way. Even though I’m standing strong with my faith doesn’t mean something like this doesn’t hurt. I’d have to be a robot to think that not being able to have a child is no big deal.
So off I go getting to raise my one miracle child and loving my husband. That’s all I can do. It’s up to God to do the rest.