Dang PCOS

So I just got my blood test back and it was negative. I have to still talk with my doctor but I guess it’s my PCOS flaring up for me not having a period since January. I don’t really know whether to be happy or sad to be honest. There’s tears for sure but not like before. I love having one child so I am thankful that is just just her right nowvbut what I am sad about is that means I can’t get pregnant again at all.

With the last three times it was because they wouldn’t implant but this time it is because I’m not ovulating again for this missed cycle. I really hate having PSOC. I don’t know why God has given it to me but I know it has to be a reason. I don’t know where this will leave my husband and I trying for more children but right now I definitely want a break. This is turning our intimacy as a couple into a burden and I don’t want that. It’s not good for either of us and it’s not good for our marriage. So what is the next step? I don’t know.

I just know that my Jesus loves me and He will get me through this. I have nothing else to go off of because this isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. There has be something beyond me going on and I know God is working this out for His glory. But if you think of it, send a prayer my family’s way. Even though I’m standing strong with my faith doesn’t mean something like this doesn’t hurt. I’d have to be a robot to think that not being able to have a child is no big deal.

So off I go getting to raise my one miracle child and loving my husband. That’s all I can do. It’s up to God to do the rest.

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Should Have Been More Specific

I remember when my husband and I were dating and started talking about how many kids we wanted. I wanted two and he wanted four. I thought he was crazy but his number never faltered even after getting married. Well I got to thinking about it because God has already blessed us with four kids. Just one has made it to earth.

I guess my husband should have been more specific with God. I mean He gave us a fireball so we have our hands full so that isn’t an issue. It would have been nice to have met our three babies in heaven though. And there’s a strong possibility a fourth child will be joining them. We haven’t been trying  but that doesn’t mean we were 100% perfect with our birth control method and we slipped up twice. It looks like it was enough. I have been having my symptoms again (this time I’m actually 21 days late) but took a test and it was negative. Emailed my doctor and I’m having a pregnancy test done today.

We had decided to stop trying to avoid the pain of another loss. I guess God has other plans. It’s not that He wants me and my husband to suffer but there must be something for us to learn still. I don’t know what it is and I hate having to learn lessons this way but I am God’s servant and His Grace will be sufficient. If I lose this baby too then I will work through it but if He dose give us a miracle that would be great. Any prayers would be appreciated for which way this goes.

God bless!

Trying Not to be a Bored Wife

I know that it might appear that we have had a lot of excitement in our home lately but to be honest there is an underlying sense of boredom. I know my husband and I have goals and thrifting is a big part of our lives right now but I’ll be real and say it’s really boring sometimes.

Yeah my husband goes to work all day and wants to be home on his days off, but I am home every single day and it gets really boring around here with routine. I wake up, keep my daughter alive, husband comes home, I make dinner, I might get him to do dishes, give my daughter a bath, put her to bed, and then go to bed my self. Repeat that like every other mother in the world not just five days a week but seven. It’s just that two of the days I have my husband home to take care of too. It sometimes is hard being the mom/wife. Your family expects so much out of you and, when you can’t deliver, it seems like the whole house falls a part. I’d be so worried what would happen if I kicked the bucket right now. The vacuum would have more dust on it than the floor and my daughter would probably grow up on Papa Murphy’s pizza. Not saying my husband isn’t a great dad, I’m just saying that there’s a whole lot more that goes on that neither him or daughter know goes on to keep the house going.

So why am I bored? Because I am home all the time. Are there any women out there that will understand what that one line means? I feel like Cinderella on a regular basis. I work but never get to play as a family. I love my family and I want to spend time with them but sometimes I wish that Cinderella would be able to go to the ball with her Prince and little Princess more often than just church. I guess that’s what I get for marrying an introvert.

It wasn’t always like this. When we were dating, my husband and I had so much fun. He keeps saying we will have fun again so I’m trying to be patient. He says when he’s retired we will do stuff together again more than just do things around the house. Does he not get that’s a minimum of 20 years away? I don’t know what he thinks I’ll be able to do in that time but it can’t just be staying home and doing nothing. I want to be a good wife but I struggle too sometimes.

But I know that isn’t the way it is supposed to be. My husband is working hard for us to have a better life in the future and just  need to wait. Until then, I just need to look to God for comfort and sit on the couch with my husband after he mows the lawn and such on his days off.

Working on the Sequel

I am so happy with how well Potholes of Hope is doing. I mean, I am a no body author, but people are actually buying and reading my book! How can’t that be exciting? It’s been eight years in the making to get this book out and now it’s actually happened. People are reading words and thoughts that I have put down on paper. It’s just, wow!

Well I have some good news! There is a second book to Potholes of Hope since it is volume 1 in a series of 4! I have the sequel (Potholes of Courage) being proofed right now an hope to release it this fall. Nora has been through a lot and there is still some potholes ahead so she will have to take courage to overcome them.

So hold tight, enjoy the first book and wait for the second. I promise you, it will be worth the wait 🙂

I Love Filling Orders!

So I have an order that came in for one of those eat me shark blankets and I am so excited about it. I found this great pattern from YARNutopia for it and got crocheting away. (If you want some awesome patterns, check her out. She is my favorite crocheter. I can only wish to be as good as her someday.) I am now about half way done with the body and still have a long way to go but I getting there. So if you want one, I’ll be posting this item for sale on my in my Etsy Shop once I have this product done or you can leave a  comment below with your email and we can work something out 🙂

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This is what it is going to look like! (Photo from YARNutopia)
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This is what it currently looks like 🙂

She’s So Precious

I have to say that I started out today not in the best mood. I was irritable and easily flustered but I didn’t want to be that way for me and especially not my daughter. So we went to the gym where I did my thing and Emma got to go play with some kids.

We then came home, I made lunch and we played in her room until she went down for a nap. The nap wasn’t going so well so I sent and got her out of her room, but I could see she was still tired so we came out to the couch and this is what happened.

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She is so cute when she sleeps 🙂

Precious right? She may be almost 2 but she is still my baby. My little Emma is growing up so fast and I can’t do anything to stop it. So I’ll just enjoy these moments I am given 🙂

Making the Cut

I know not everyone is into being thrifty and that’s ok. Many find it weird and extreme but I see it as a way to help get my husband retired faster. He likes what he does but, like many men, would rather be able to do what he loves. Sadly what he loves doesn’t normally pay the bills. So my hubby has done the steps to set himself up for early retirement and one of those things is that I now cut his hair.

Eek! I was like, my sister has cut your hair for years. Why have me do it? But we did the math and his hair costs about $78 a year to cut. Give it 20 years and that over $1500 that could go toward his retirement. So I can now add hairdresser to my homemaker resume. It’s not the best but it’s not the worst either. I’ll get better at it. I will still go to my sister though. I am not even attempting to cut my own hair 🙂

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This is what my hubby looks like a 6am 🙂 Where’s the coffee!?