Fighting My Foes

I am so happy – I get to be discarded from the hospital after a wonderful 4 day stay! I am so ready to go home and be in my own bed. This whole fight round with my asthma and pneumonia have been tough. I would rather give birth to my daughter again any day of the week and that was a long, hard 25 hours. But at least I got a prize in the end. This time I just get to  take home an oxygen tank.

I can’t remember being knocked down this hard. I’ve dealt with disastrous duo since I was 9 years old but it seemed like they weren’t so big back then since this my first being hospitalized for it since my initial diagnosis 15 years ago. Then, like a sleeping two headed dragon, my symptoms went dormant for about 8 years and that’s when I thought I had beat them. I had been doing my meds and lifestyle requirements to stay controlled but I guess they just went into their own type of training. As my lungs got stronger, they knew they had to get stronger, but, seeing that I was still in control and keeping my fitness up, there would have to be something really big to bring me down.

And boy did they find it! I have a pretty consistent trigger and had my doctor write a note instructing it to be tested and, if confirmed, taken care of. It is my greatest weakness. It was the catalyst that made me so sick to begin with and 99% of the time the reason for an asthma attack. My foes found their weapon and they used it. With the slightest of ease they took me down and now I lay here “bleeding” unable to fight back on my own. I have never felt so helpless.

I have been humbled to the point that I have had to wear women’s depends because coughing incontinence has joined the party, my O2 levels won’t stay elevated so I have to put on oxygen at the hospital and at home, I can’t walk to the bathroom and back without losing my breath, and I’m so fatigued I couldn’t do basic math even if I wanted to. My foes got me but that’s it. They have ravished my body and left me weak but that’s it. What they haven’t taken away is my fight and inner strength.

My Jesus has been here with me the whole time and He is giving me the strength to fight back against my foes and fight to keep them locked away. I have sword in my hand and have my war call ready. My foes better watch out. If there is one thing about me is that I will fight until the end. I will never give up and I will never surrender. But right now, it’s time for a nap.

file0001967383262
This is how I want to think I look fighting this battle.
IMG_20160425_105418008
This is how I really look. Not so fierce huh?

Do you have a foe you are fighting? It may not be like mine and could be worse than mine. The thing is that we all need support. Feel free to comment below and let us fight together.

Advertisements

Learning to be Humble and at Peace

My last post was about my last asthma attack but that wasn’t the end of the story. I went home and tried to treat it myself again. I did my best but I ended back in ER on Wednesday. This time I got a couple breathing treatments and was sent back home.

Nothing was helping and Friday morning I was back in the ER and admitted by the afternoon because I have pneumonia and I needed IV treatments with steroids and antibiotics. So I’m here watching Animal Planet and trying to get better.

What keeps happening is that I can get my lungs to a certain point and then they won’t open up anymore. So I’m working on it and have a great prayer support team so I am going to be OK. It’s what I’m learning spiritually is what is surprising.

I normally go into these things with a woe is thing but I haven’t yet. I’m at peace actually. I know God’s got me in His hands and I’m sitting on His lap with my head buried in His chest. I just need to relax and get better 🙂

 

Breathing is Optional… Right?

It is allergy season here in Nor Cal and that means danger for me. I have allergy induced asthma so, for me, I dread the sniffles of allergies. I end up having an asthma attack twice a year (once in the spring and once in the fall), and last night was my spring attack. I tried to keep it at bay with all my home care but nothing was working so, finally at 9:30pm, I went to the ER to get a breathing treatment.

The ER was packed! I have never seen an ER so packed. I thought that telling them that I was having an asthma attack and was having trouble breathing they would have taken me back somewhat soon. Nope, 1 hour in the main waiting room, 10 minutes to be triaged, and then 20 minutes to be seen by a doctor who told me that it would be a 3 hour wait for room. I was shocked! Here is someone with breathing issues and you tell them there is a 3 hour wait when they have already been there an 1.5 hours! I thought that was crazy. He then told me my other option was to take 8 puffs within the next hour of my inhaler and he would order a steroid. All well and good if my rescue inhaler had been working. If it had, I wouldn’t be in the ER!

So I tried calling family to see if anyone was able to take my daughter the next day if I waited to actually get a breathing treatment and no one was available. So I had to make the choice to leave and try again at home or have about 3 hours sleep by the time I got a room, the breathing treatment and discharged. I took the 8 puffs (which I was never told I could. It even says on the box to only take 2 puffs every 4 hours) and waited.

For anyone who has asthma, you understand the frustration I felt. When you are having an asthma attack, it feel like the air is being sucked out of you. You can’t take a deep breath, you get light headed, dizzy, you can’t talk (or at least the volume in my voice almost disappears), your blood pressure spikes, your heart rate spikes, you can’t think straight and, if it gets bad enough, you start to lose your ability to even answer simple questions like “what’s your name?”

Here I am asking for help because the stuff I was doing at home wasn’t helping and they turn around and say “sorry but you really aren’t that important”. I hate hospitals and I do everything I can to avoid going to one so if I actually walk through the door it means I actually need help. Unfortunately, if you don’t have asthma, you can’t relate to how serious it can be. My attack I had last fall got so bad that, by the time I got to the doctor, I had 40% lung capacity. I didn’t want that to happen again so I went before it got there. I guess I should have waited and come in on an oxygen tank :/

So I waited to see if the puffs would work. Praise the Lord! I was feeling my ability to think return and my headache diminish a little. I would actually talk and my breathing did get better. It wasn’t like it would be if I was able to get a breathing treatment was it was way better than when I walked through the door. The doctor was happy too since I believe that he wanted to give me the treatment but they can only perform them in a room and there wasn’t one in the whole ER available. Of course I just thought in the back of my head “all I need is the nebulizer and an outlet. I’ll do it in the bathroom if I have to” but rules are rules. He discharged me and I went and got my meds from the pharmacy before going home.

I still didn’t get home until 1:00am but it was better than 3:00am or 4:00am. I took my steroid and prayed I would be able to still breathe in the morning. Thankfully I was and attack had lessened. The steroid had begun to kick in and I took 4 more puffs as soon as I woke up. Now I am just tired. When you go hours without proper oxygen levels it feels like you have just run a marathon. I just pray that the steroid keeps working and the inflammation goes down quickly. I don’t like being stuck in bed and my two year old thinks it’s really not a lot of fun either. I am busy mommy who wants to have fun. And I have my favorite gym class tomorrow morning. Can’t miss Pilates! 🙂

Why am I so Tired?

I have been super tired today. I don’t know why but it could be the fact I have an active two year old but it could be because I have so much going on in my head.

This month so far has been crazy. Emma turned two, my Etsy Shop has been doing well, and my book is selling well. If everything is going well, then why am I so tired? I don’t know. Maybe I just need a nap? Yeah a nap would be good.

 

 

Potholes of Hope for $0.99 :)

Did you miss the free book promotion for Potholes of Hope for April? I am so sorry about that. But it’s still available for $0.99 on Amazon. I think that if you gave the book a try you would find it to be one of your favorites. Here are some reviews on it to maybe sway you to give it a try 🙂

Format: Paperback

‘Potholes of Hope’ is a book at its best. I was pulled into this simple, smooth, fast paced book from the very first chapter where author Gracelyn Asay skillfully takes her readers through a heart warming life journey of a young teenage girl Nora Clark, who left her family against their will in Ohio with her boyfriend ‘Brad’ to live and fulfill his dreams of perusing a career in Hollywood, California. Trusting Brad left Nora no where and aloof, since there was no coming back to family after getting ditched as her father had stated, Nora had to struggle to earn a living all by herself.
The way author Gracelyn Asay has put a simple story of a young girl through her novel in a gripping and intriguing style of narration, it was definitely hard to believe that ‘Potholes of Hope’ was a debut novel of the very talented writer. Keeping the novel straight forward fresh and fluid with characters easy to connect with was the best example of showcasing authors natural talent and expertise in writing. I was thoroughly entertained and felt outburst of emotions by this absorbing read which was embedded with a moral that God is always watchful over us, He never leaves us, we may think that we leave him, but he’s never gone!
‘Potholes of hope’ is one of the few books, i’ll always cherish for its unique, captivating and naturalistic story line. Those looking for an engrossing read with mesmerizing touch of Christian fiction, this book is never going to let you down. Highly recommended!

 

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase

I really liked this book. I loved the characters and how they weren’t perfect and how God uses that to their advantage even if they don’t see it at the time. The books I like are those that just tell the story without a bunch of fluff and detail about the surroundings. Just enough detail to feel like I’m there and in the story. Potholes of Hope was a perfect combo of those. I am eager to read the next volume.
So why not give it a try? It’s only $0.99 and it’s a great book 🙂

“That’s Not a Real Job”

I was talking with someone the other day about what I do for a living and I couldn’t believe whatI heard. I told them that I am a stay at home mom and I have an Etsy Shop. What did they do? They laughed and said “It’s a good thing your husband has a good job because that is not a real job”. I was so mad I could have spat in the person’s face. What part of that statement did he mean wasn’t a real job? The stay at home part or the Etsy Shop part? Either way, it was a complete blast to my face.

Being a stay at home mom is not cupcakes and glitter. It is a lot of hard work chasing after my child (I can’t even imagine how moms do it with two or more), keeping her out of trouble, tantrums, discipline, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and anything else that has to be done in a week. Heaven forbid something comes up where a friend is sick and needs a meal, or your family comes for a visit. All in all, it is a full time job and, the worst part (if there really is one) is that you don’t get paid for it! I do so many things as a stay at home mom that the person I was talking to probably doesn’t use at all. When was the last time he cooked a meal from scratch? Or when has he had to use long division to figure out if the price per pound will be worth it in the long run?

So for all us stay at home moms, we need to form a union or something because we work twice as hard as anyone who works… except for working moms which I have been as well up to a year ago and that was only part time. Still, it was nuts because I would be out of the house all day, then come home and do all the mom duties, and the wife duties when my husband got home. I was so happy that I was able to quit my job, not because I didn’t like it but rather I just couldn’t do it all. Since becoming a stay home mom, I have been able to actually gather skills that I would never have the time to do working outside the home like making so many things from scratch (coconut milk, flour, cookies) and dehydrating foods. But the one thing that being a stay at home mom did for me was give me the chance to start my Etsy Shop.

That has been an adventure in itself. I opened my shop back in December and my world has been turned upside down. Now I am not just the mom in the house, but, with the shop, I am the owner, marketer, sales person, customer service, campaigner, consultant, and so many other things that I would never end this post. How the person said that having an Etsy Shop isn’t a real job, I will never understand. Yes I am on PinterestTwitter, Instagram and Facebook off and on all day but it is 100% for work. When I “clock out” (hahaha) the last place I want to go is on social media.

Why might you ask? Because I am interacting with people, tweeting, pinning, and following all day long. It gets really tiring having to look at a little screen all day and still try to run a house and raise a child. Then when an order does come in, it can get really fun. Thankfully my daughter is starting to get to the age where she can just sit and watch so for my smaller projects like my Bird and Butterfly Infinity Summer Scarf I can do them more often in the middle of the day instead of after she goes to bed. But if it’s like one of my Crochet Baby Blankets or my Shark Blanket or Shark Baby Cocoon, I have to do those at night after all my other work because she wants to help me by playing the “push the yarn ball around the house” game.

I didn’t even mention that I am also an author with my Debut Novel “Potholes of Hope”. Lord knows what he would have said to that one. That there has it’s own set of craziness because marketing a book and marketing a handmade business can be similar but is usually a completely different audience. So I have two marketing circles that I am in. So that means using all the social media sites above but I also to have a separate Facebook page for my book. It’s a lot to keep track of.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life! I wouldn’t trade it for the world so please don’t think I don’t want orders and stuff. I am just pointing these things out that it is just a walk in the park to be a stay at home mom and it isn’t like I sit and crochet all day and roll in the cash. There’s a lot more to having a successful handmade business that many people don’t realize. I don’t do the work in marketing and social networking, I don’t make any money. So the next time you talk with someone and they say they are a stay at mom mom or have a hand made business, please don’t write them off. More than likely, they are more talented than you are.

Have any stories like this? I would love to hear them! So comment below and have a great day!