Right now God is really testing me to see how I react to certain situations. Sadly, I am sure that I am failing. I know how I should react but that is not the way I have been reacting. Proverbs 15:1 says “ A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” I wish my first reaction to trials are soft words but more than likely they are harsh and full of unneeded emotion. The only good thing is that normally it is not directed at my husband. He is actually my sounding board and guide on how to look at the situation differently.
How do I change this? Well a lot of it comes with maturity. I am on the my early twenties and have a lot to learn so maturity is something that is still coming day by day. There are some areas that I am mature in and nothing can shake me, but then there are others that my leaves will fall off if someone sneezes by me. Right now, we are in a season that is sneezing my leaves off. I was strong in the beginning but now that it has been a few weeks with not much progress, I am starting to fade. I am starting to become mad at God for not fixing this thing in our path even though He isn’t the one that put it there.
I need to remember to be mad at the right person. Satan is the one attacking us, not God. God is allowing it because, for some reason, it works into His greater plan for us. He knows our lying downs and uprisings. He knows when a flower withers and feeds the sparrows everyday. He made the world in six days and I know He holds mine in place. I am not too little for God to notice me. I am His child and I need to trust Him.
So I will continue on even though this afternoon all I wanted to do was walk into the woods and never come back. I am overwhelmed and I am trying to keep it as a burden on my shoulders. I am trying to give it over to God and not take it back up. I am human though and I like to have control, but that’s not how this works. I must trust and then listen and then obey.
Lord, please give the grace to do so. 🙂