This one is for all my PCOS and infertile friends out there. If you have been keeping up with my blog then you will know that I have PCOS and a miracle baby girl. But since having her, I have not been able to get pregnant. I know everyone says that I need to stay positive and not do anything drastic but it has almost been a year since my husband and I have been trying and I can say I am really starting to be become done.
Sex is not that much fun any more since he and I have decided to start preventing again which means him having to pull out and we miss out on that couple connection or we just have to do no penetration at all. I hate saying that but I can’t keep pretending that this part of my life is fine. I love the other parts of my life but everyone gets to see that part. They can see my new house and all the help that has been graciously bestowed on it but what they don’t get to see is the agony not being able to have another baby (or in my case losing two before they ever got to live) has on me. Most of my friends have had their second baby and I am sitting here unable to do anything about my wanting another baby without any result.
I told my husband a few months ago the reason I want him to have a vasectomy isn’t because I didn’t want anymore kids it was because I couldn’t stand being pregnant for two weeks and then having the period from hell. I want to be able to have sex with my husband without being hurt at the end of the month. I know that broke his heart but he understood. Right now we are waiting to find out if our current incident with a possible pregnancy is going to work out. I started to bleed yesterday so I am sure that it will end up just like the other two.
So if you are going through the same thing as me don’t feel like wanting your husband to get cut is a failure. I mean I am blessed with a beautiful and passionate girl who has my day full so another baby wouldn’t have made things “easier” but it would have added that much more joy to our lives. I have a message into my OBGYN right now about any possible testing to see if anything can be done but sadly I don’t see much hope. All I know is that I want this part of my life to be as happy as the rest of my life. I want to smile and be happy when more people on Facebook announce they are expecting or tell me that “it was a total accident” or “they weren’t even trying”. So I think that it is time for my husband to go have his procedure.
I mean it isn’t like he wasn’t going to do it eventually any way but we were hoping that it would be after we had chosen to be done with kids and not to keep me from being in pain. So I will love my daughter with all my heart and we will have fun. And if God blesses this incident to actually turn out to be a pregnancy then I will praise Him just as much but with a lighter heart than I have now. I know God is good and He has reasons for everything He does. I just need to fight off the enemy’s lies that I am no good and worthless because I can’t have anymore children.
So please take heart. This post isn’t to be a downer but an encouragement. If you have been thinking that enough is enough then that is completely ok. We are not meant to live this life with a down spirit but a spirit of love, joy, peace… and so on. I have to keep reminding myself of that as my husband and I look into this new avenue that we weren’t thinking would be a topic for a few more years. I hope the best for everyone reading this and may God bless you!