Today is one seek since my D&C and it has been quite the week. I still miss my baby very much, but my heart is beginning to open to the idea of moving on. I still have to wait via doctor’s orders to keep from being with my husband but I think the time has been good in order to get my head going in the right direction instead of just jumping right into bed with him again and just trying to get back into life. I didn’t take the time with my others and we both suffered in the long run for awhile. So taking the time to heal before is very important to anyone who has suffered from a miscarriage.
My husband and I have really gotten a chance to talk about how we are feeling where we want to go in the journey of building our family or keeping it just as it is. The conversations have not been easy since we have had to answer some pretty hard inward questions but they have been worth it. We are still not sure where we want to go. We don’t know if we want to keep trying to keep trying for a baby or to just enjoy the little miracle we have.
There is really no wrong answer though which is nice. The right answer is to keep trying and the right answer to just enjoy our only child. She is enough for both of us so we would be happy either way. We have some plans we want to do and adding a new born to our life would be tricky, but there is still that desire to keep trying.
If you are like me and are having this inward tug of war, know that you are not alone and there really is no wrong answer. You have to do what is right over all for your family and not what your parents or friends say, your doctor says or what society says. The only people you need to worry about is you and your partner and everything else will fall into place. I know because I have to tell myself that same thing every day. I know have to make a decision but right now I am going to take the next week to continue healing and reconnecting with my husband on an emotional level before we move back into our physical relationship.