Hello to the reader who is looking for hope and joy in life during a time that is confusing and heartbreaking. I too have had the gut wrenching experiences of four miscarriages and each one was just as hard as the first. I get it. With out last baby we lost, we found out the pathology report from our baby and it wasn’t good news. We had been trying for a year with four miscarriages back to back to back to back. We had a hunch what the problem was but we didn’t want to admit it. It’s the type of news that has led us to make the choice that we are done trying for a baby. It’s heart-wrenching, but my husband and I are at peace with it. So, until my husband can be seen, we are now trying to move on with our lives.
We have been blessed with a little girl before all this loss and she is our light. I had had a tough time with the last pregnancy where I had to spend my time lying on the couch doing nothing which meant no playing with my daughter. So with me not being pregnant anymore, our daughter is sure happy to have her mommy back and my husband is glad to have his wife back .So now the question is, how to move on with life without forgetting our babies? I don’t think it is fully possible but we will be working on doing it. We have decided to still add to our family, but of the four legged type. We know that we want a dog now to add as our next family member and we can’t wait until we find the right doggie. It won’t fill the loss but it might bring in the light that we were expecting with our baby. Also it is important to still have a friend for our daughter and a way to show her that she isn’t the center of the universe even though she is the center of ours. I think for anyone who has lost a baby and is still looking for that love, a pet is a great way to go unless living situations don’t allow it.
The other way that we are moving on is to really spend time as a couple. I know the fear that there is with becoming intimate with your partner, but it is vital to get to the place where you can again. If you don’t, it will open the door to separation between you and your partner. Our fist loss took a real toll on our relationship because I was so afraid of sex with my husband. It wasn’t until after our fourth loss that we were able to engage right after the medical restrictions so I am in no way saying that it is easy to jump right back in bed. So do other things to make sure the intimacy stays there. You can simply go out on a date and just talk, or take a trip somewhere, or just simply cuddle on the couch. The ultimate thing is to stay connected.
So whether or not you choose to keep trying for another baby, or yo have to make the decision we have had to make, it’s ok. People who have never had a miscarriage will never fully understand the pain and loss you have gone through. They will try but they won’t succeed and many people say the wrong things with the intention of cheering you up. Moving on from losing a child doesn’t happen in a day but don’t let it disturb your relationships you had before. Losing the baby wasn’t yours or anyone’s fault, and you can’t let the grief tare you and your partner apart. That’s something I can truly say. You made the little life together and now you have to keep staying together because you are the only ones that know the pain. Only the two of you know how to comfort each other. So with my little two sense, that’s my suggestion to anyone who is trying to move forward through life right now. I don’t know what I would have done without my husband being there to walk with me when we lost our babies. It was only with our mutual love that we are together and our relationship that got us through the storm.
Keep your head up, my wonderful reader. You will move forward even though right now the reason you are searching for answers is because you are stuck. Keep trying and look for the good around you when it feels like there is so much darkness. Don’t forget what you have been blessed with already whether it is a child before the miscarriage or if it is just you and your partner. They are blessings in this life you can’t lose sight of. I know because I had to follow my own advice when I would start missing my babies. I couldn’t live in the “should have been’s” I needed to live in the “now and is’s”.
I pray for you and I hope you have found some hope and comfort in my words.