How to Deal With Pregnancy Announcements When You Can’t Have Babies

Tis the season. It seems like right now everyone I have on Facebook in childbearing years is either preggers or just had a baby. Good for them really, but it still stings a little the closer to when I should have had my baby. I should be able to be in the same club, but I am not and I won’t be again. I want to cry whenever I see people comment on the announcements that so-in-so will make a great brother/sister since my daughter would have made a good one too. I just have to keep scrolling or I will go into a depression and anger of why God has made it that we can’t another healthy baby.

He is the one that gives life, but not to us. He has given us one healthy daughter, but He won’t give her a healthy sibling. Everyone else gets to have one for their kid, but I don’t and it’s a sore spot with me with God. Now I am not going to walk away from Him or anything, but it’s a sore spot. We are a wonderful home for a baby and we can’t have a baby meanwhile some girl goes for a one night stand and gets knocked up and pops out (if the baby is lucky) a healthy kid. Why? I wish I knew, but I can only trust that for some reason we are meant to parent a singleton instead of the two or more my husband and I planned to have.

But this post is about how to deal with those announcements and not go crazy.

  • Admit that you are not yet healed and give yourself a break. It can take years to get over the fact that you won’t be able to have more kids, and if you still get upset when you see a pregnancy announcement, then you are not done healing.
  • This might sound harsh but, if you aren’t close to the person, you can ignore it. You are not obligated to like or comment on a person’s announcement. You can just check it in your heart that you are happy for them and keep scrolling.
  • Go spend time with the kids you have (even if it’s a four legged one). Not being able to have more or any kids shouldn’t take away your joy for what you do have. And don’t count out pets because they are family too. If you can’t have kids and your baby is your dog or cat, go play with them and get a smile on your face.
  • Spend time with your husband. He has these moments just like you do but men hold it in differently than women do. We tend to wear our pain on our sleeves and men bury it. Spend time together and talk about your infertility. The more it’s treated like a giant elephant that no one can talk about the odder it becomes.
  • Go for a walk. Because it’s the best medicine to clear your head.
  • Pray. I know how hard it is to have a relationship with God after losing babies and having to make the tough decision of not trying anymore. You feel betrayed and deserted, but it isn’t true. It’s not because God doesn’t love you that you can’t have a baby, and He is the only one besides your husband that truly understands your pain so pray and keep talking with Him.
  • And finally, look to the future. Your infertility is in the past, and you have your whole future ahead of you.

I hope this has helped you. I am still going down the road to recovery and I will be kind of glad when my generation is done having kids so I don’t feel left out anymore.

Leave a comment and let me know how you are doing on your journey.

Husbands, Your Wives Aren’t Crazy

Husbands, have you had your wife just blow up at you for what you appeared to be no reason? Well, let me tell you a little story to show that it might have not been for no reason.

I had a really bad day with my daughter one day, and I couldn’t wait for my husband to get home. When he did, I asked him to do something a certain way and he didn’t do it at all. I was so mad at him that I just lost it and he had no idea of why I was so mad.

Let’s rewind my day. My daughter had been difficult all day with showing me nothing but disrespect left and right. I wanted my husband to come home to help me out so much because then I would have someone who would do what I asked even if was something as simple as please don’t scream at the top of your lungs for no reason. But that wasn’t what happened. Instead, my husband disrespected me as well and I couldn’t take it anymore. The crazy part was that he didn’t mean to disrespect in the least. He just didn’t see the need for what I had asked of him at the time. He was just going to do it the next day, but that wasn’t my point. I had wanted it done now because I had asked him and he was the adult and should have respected me by doing it.

Any way, does my story sound familiar? Every couple has had a fight like this but this is most common for wives and husbands with kids. Besides money, most fights concern the kids and their well being, but what about the parent’s wellbeing? Parenting is the hardest thing anyone has to do. They might be cute as babies, sometimes, but as toddlers they are the biggest headache. Most moms won’t want to admit it but, if asked point blank, they probably would admit that they didn’t want to be moms anymore. So our day is hard enough without our husbands making it worse.

B there is good news to you husbands! Your wife is not crazy and there is a reason she is flying of the handle all the time. It’s more likely that she has been dealing with little monsters all day and then you come home and don’t help by then really disrespecting her in the process. How to fix it? It’s simple really. If your wife asks you to do something, do it just as she said even if it doesn’t make 100% sense to you. It’s not the fact that you did it that will make her feel loved and respected it’s more of like you value her because she is raising your kids and they don’t do that. They make her feel dumb and out of control no matter how hard she tries to keep on a good face.

She needs you to be in her corner and not on the opposing side. Show her that you do listen and do care by helping out when not asked or picking up the house to the way she likes it when she is finally able to go pee without kids following her around. You have a lot more power in your home than you realize. They say that the woman has the responsibility to set the tone for the home and this is very true, but she needs a sounding board. She sends out out a signal and if there isn’t anything to bounce off of she will just keep going until she does. You need to be that sounding board that she can count on and know that above all else you have her back.

Because us women aren’t crazy, we are tired and expected not to show it. We are expected to be the perfect examples for our children but we don’t even want to follow our own rules. We need our man to be there and do things to help us out.

So do you want to cut down on the fights you have with your wife? What did you do right before the last argument that set her off? Was is not doing something she asked? Or are the kids driving her so bonkers that she is tired of always having to come to you and yell at you that she needs help when you should have gotten up long ago?

Men have the power to keep their wife happy. The question is, are you willing to do what it takes? I’m not saying being a doormat because women hate that too. Here is a list to give you an idea of what I mean by you have the power to cause an argument or avoid one.

  • In the morning, afternoon, or evening, the kids are running a muck and your wife is trying to make breakfast or whatever while you are still lying in bed or sitting on the couch. Get up before she has to come storming in at the end of her rope and order you to help.
  • Don’t act like one of the kids when she is trying to do something.
  • Help by either picking up after the kids or keeping the house in the direction that she likes it. She picks up after the kids ALL day long and she doesn’t need you being as bad as them.
  • Cook dinner so she can go take a bath or shower without having to worry that the kids are going to burn the house down while she is gone.
  • If she asks you do something, do it. She would do it herself if she could because frankly that would be easier but she is trusting you to take care of it so that she doesn’t have to. Don’t trample the gift by ignoring her or doing it in a completely different way.
  • When she is frazzled, take the kids out of the house. Most women need some time to themselves, and it doesn’t matter if they work or not. They need time to just sit and not have any demands on them. You might have just worked all day but here is a BIG way to keep from having arguments, and that is take the kids so your wife doesn’t get blown out.

Have you thought of some that aren’t here? Do them and see the difference in your home. Your wife needs love and your respect just as much as you need it from her. So be a good sounding board and be there for her so that she can be a good wife to you and good mother to your children.

 

 

How to Not Give Up on Life

So this past week has been a crazy one in the fact that the bug of the year has gone through my whole household. You know, the yucky one with the coughing, high fever, chills, and nose that won’t stop running for you to reach over and get a new tissue? Yeah that one. Even my toddle has it. Poor baby girl 😦 But I think that it has hit me the hardest next to my daughter.

My husband was lucky and only got the dry cough and runny nose part but I got the 103ish degree fever, blizzard feeling chills, and body wrenching cough. It was a rough couple of days since I had to wait to see my nutritionist. I got really excited the morning my fever had broke, but that only lasted for twelve hours and I was back to being wrapped in three blankets because I was so “cold” but my husband could have cooked dinner on my forehead by that next evening.

I just laid on my couch unable to open my eyes because they burned so bad and hot acid tears seeped through. It may not sound like a big deal to you, but, if you have been following my blog for any length of time, this is not my first recent encounter with having to fight for my life, my livelihood, and my family.

2016 I have deemed the year of The Fight. I’ll recap really quickly for anyone who is new.

  • March – My husband almost died from a “mysterious virus”
  • April – I got a upper respiratory cold and two weeks later was admitted in the hospital with 89% oxygen levels because of pneumonia. I was then sent home with oxygen since my lungs were so damaged they couldn’t function right on their own. After being home for two days, I wasn’t getting better, I was getting worse again and we finally figured it out. We had to flee the rental due to black toxic mold.
  • May – July – Proceeded to fight for was right but it was useless. Both the management company and our landlord decided not to the right thing and take care of us. Rather they made it worse by breaking law after law to cover up the fact that there was mold in the home. (We might be young, but we have been screwed enough that we know renter’s rights pretty well and they breeched the lease at least three times with non notified entry.) It got to the point that we had to hire an attorney to represent us, but there was little she could do since there are no solid mold laws in California except ward off our landlord suing us. After doing some intense research, the only thing that could be done with our items was to discard them, but no one was willing to step foot in the home knowing of the black mold so we just left most of it and only took what we thought we could save. (Side note: It was futile. Nothing we own now is from the old home. EVERYTHING had to be throw away that wasn’t glass, hard porcelain, or metal.) So in total we lost everything we had ever owned and had to replace everything which has led us to be in credit card debit for the first time in our marriage.
  • July – We were blessed to be able to buy a home that we are still praying is a safe place for us to heal from the toxic mold poisoning, but we literally moved in with the clothes in our bags and a few things that people had given to us. Thankfully though my husband works with a lot of awesome people and they fulfilled the majority of what we needed. We would still probably be watching TV on the floor if it wasn’t for them.
  • August – December – Now was the really fight debt and it seems like we will never win. Satan doesn’t like God’s kids to be happy and one of the obstacles we had to face immediately were things with the house we bought. The previous owners did nothing to maintain it and we are not going to do what all of our landlords did with short cutting repairs. So With the home repairs, the attorney, another thing that had come up, and the credit card, we have been fighting to stay afloat without going crazy.

Now many of you are thinking “Well that is just life”, and you are correct. Life throws things at you and that is just how it goes, but to have a Job year is only something that someone who has had one can fully understand. You get to the point where hope seems to be something of fairytales and you are constantly keeping a look out for what could go wrong next. You keep going until you reach a breaking point, and, for me, it was this bug.

All I could think about was that I didn’t want to keep fighting anymore. I just wanted to be with Jesus and have it all be over. My husband could see it in my body language and forbade me from having the thoughts he knew were going through my head because he had had the same ones start last year. He told me how much I am needed and that the fight isn’t all in vain. He kept reminding me of how Emma needed her mommy. I knew he was right, but there was a part of me that was so tired.

It was like those movies you see where the character has the choice to either drown or decide to fight back the surface because they aren’t done living yet? It was kind of like that. I literally couldn’t move but I just kept uttering the word “Jesus”. I knew I couldn’t fight anymore. I needed Jesus to fight for me. I then was stilled and fell asleep.

I was awoken by my bladder a few hours later and my fever was gone, the chills were gone, I wasn’t coughing and was able to think straight. It was literally like God had taken over my body and healed me to be able to have the strength to fight again, and I did. I was able to go see my nutritionist that next day and she got me on some things that have really turned it around for me.

So The whole point of this blog post was just to encourage you that when are truly weak Jesus is strong. He is right there to help you and all He wants to hear is to have you call out to Him. I was trying to do it on my own and I lost. I have to remember to let Jesus take my burden. I can’t change the past but I can help the future my trusting in Him that He works everything out for my good, even with this awful bug.

How to Build a Box Shelf

Hello everyone! I am going to do a “How-To” post today and I think you are going to enjoy it. Have you ever wanted to try building something with your bare hands but not sure how to do it? Well, today I am going to show you have to make a box shelf. I had all this spare wood in my back yard and I decided that I was going to make something out of it. I had seen these box shelves online and thought they looked pretty cool, so I decided to give it a try without any previous wood working experience.

So first, you need to get your stuff together. I got literally make this by hand since I couldn’t afford a circular saw right now. So, if you have a circular saw, I would suggest you use it 🙂

You will need:

  • A saw of some kind. (I used a hand saw and it worked but it took a little bit more elbow grease to do it.)
  • A hammer
  • Wood
  • Nails
  • Sanding Block
  • Pen
  • Tape Measure
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Here is everything I used. Please excuse the dusty table.

Next you want to cut your boards to size. I was using fence boards that had already been cut in half so my shelf was 19″ x 17″ x 5″. You can make it how ever big or small you want. Just make sure you wear gloves and glasses for safety.

Next, comes the hammering part. I like to cheat and hammer the first set of nails partially in because I didn’t have a grip or anything to hold the two boards together. Another way you could probably do this, but I didn’t think of it til later, is using wood glue to initially make the box and then nail it together. But you would need something to hold it in place while the glue dried.

img_20170201_130836891Now it is time to actually hammer them together. Take your boards and make and L out of them. I placed the bottom L between my knees to hold it steady and then place the board with the nails in it on top of it. Now hammer the nails in 🙂 Repeat this until you make a square. (I put in four nails but you can put in more if you feel you want the shelf to extra secure.)

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Look! A box! Good job! Now to sand. I used a 120 grit sanding block and it was just enough to get the roughness out of the wood without removing the natural grain to it. Once you have finished going over the whole thing, time to move on.

The next part is the part I think is the most fun and that it painting the thing to whatever color you like. I chose a nice teal for my shelf and this was the paint I used. (No money paid for advertising.)

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You can use the can and brush method if you want but I like spray paint because it dries quickly and there are no brushes to clean after. But make sure you wear a mask or you might have an adverse side effect that comes with breathing toxic fumes. Depending on the type of board you use, you might need more than one can. I wanted a more white washed (or should I say blue washed) look so I only needed one can. If your wood is really thirsty and you want it completely covered, you will probably need two or more cans.

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SO PRETTY!!!! After you paint it, you can add layers until it is the exact color you want. If you don’t end up wanting to paint it, I would still use some kind of a wood sealer just to protect the wood from spills a stuff from the things you end up putting on it.

After you have your final layer of paint, I would suggest you let it sit for 24 hours to fully set. It would be a bummer to have a colored square on your wall because the paint transferred. I know you are super excited to get it up and show it off, but you need to wait one more day. But after that, it’s finished and it will look gorgeous.

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This is how mine turned out and I am super happy with it. Want to make one? Great! Now you can, but if it’s still not up your alley but you want one of these shelves anyway, feel free to order one right now from my Etsy Shop HERE. I would love to build you one!

Happy building! Have a great day!