Tis the season. It seems like right now everyone I have on Facebook in childbearing years is either preggers or just had a baby. Good for them really, but it still stings a little the closer to when I should have had my baby. I should be able to be in the same club, but I am not and I won’t be again. I want to cry whenever I see people comment on the announcements that so-in-so will make a great brother/sister since my daughter would have made a good one too. I just have to keep scrolling or I will go into a depression and anger of why God has made it that we can’t another healthy baby.
He is the one that gives life, but not to us. He has given us one healthy daughter, but He won’t give her a healthy sibling. Everyone else gets to have one for their kid, but I don’t and it’s a sore spot with me with God. Now I am not going to walk away from Him or anything, but it’s a sore spot. We are a wonderful home for a baby and we can’t have a baby meanwhile some girl goes for a one night stand and gets knocked up and pops out (if the baby is lucky) a healthy kid. Why? I wish I knew, but I can only trust that for some reason we are meant to parent a singleton instead of the two or more my husband and I planned to have.
But this post is about how to deal with those announcements and not go crazy.
- Admit that you are not yet healed and give yourself a break. It can take years to get over the fact that you won’t be able to have more kids, and if you still get upset when you see a pregnancy announcement, then you are not done healing.
- This might sound harsh but, if you aren’t close to the person, you can ignore it. You are not obligated to like or comment on a person’s announcement. You can just check it in your heart that you are happy for them and keep scrolling.
- Go spend time with the kids you have (even if it’s a four legged one). Not being able to have more or any kids shouldn’t take away your joy for what you do have. And don’t count out pets because they are family too. If you can’t have kids and your baby is your dog or cat, go play with them and get a smile on your face.
- Spend time with your husband. He has these moments just like you do but men hold it in differently than women do. We tend to wear our pain on our sleeves and men bury it. Spend time together and talk about your infertility. The more it’s treated like a giant elephant that no one can talk about the odder it becomes.
- Go for a walk. Because it’s the best medicine to clear your head.
- Pray. I know how hard it is to have a relationship with God after losing babies and having to make the tough decision of not trying anymore. You feel betrayed and deserted, but it isn’t true. It’s not because God doesn’t love you that you can’t have a baby, and He is the only one besides your husband that truly understands your pain so pray and keep talking with Him.
- And finally, look to the future. Your infertility is in the past, and you have your whole future ahead of you.
I hope this has helped you. I am still going down the road to recovery and I will be kind of glad when my generation is done having kids so I don’t feel left out anymore.
Leave a comment and let me know how you are doing on your journey.