Do Children Learn Anything from TV?

I have been told a million times that I shouldn’t let my daughter watch TV because it will slow her intellectual development. Have you been told that too? It seems to be a common thought, but is it true for all children? As we all know, children are different and therefore certain things effect them differently. I, for one, think my daughter has learned a great deal in the selected shows we have picked for her so I believe that TV can be a great thing for children and here is why.

My daughter has been complimented all the time for her talking skills from as young as two to the present. Then they comment on how we must take her to all these enrichment activities and read to her all the time. Frankly, my daughter was not been one for books until she was almost four. She just wouldn’t sit for them so reading was a no. Then we were young and broke and couldn’t afford enrichment programs so that wasn’t anything towards her talking. The one thing we did have though was the radio, CDs and TV.

I believe allowing my daughter to watched controlled amounts of TV since she was little actually has helped her vocabulary abilities because she has been able to see how the English language is used outside of our home and in a more complex sequence than the basic English used in children’s books. To be honest, I get bored really fast with children’s books because they are so basic. I am loving the books that are for four year olds and kindergarteners because they have more depth and I think that was the missing element for my daughter too. The TV programs gave her that deeper knowledge bank of vocabulary than a book on the ABCs or farm animals. She wanted more depth to the content.

Now, I am not saying just put your kid in front of the TV and never do anything with them. We watched the shows with our daughter after we screened them to make sure they were appropriate for her. We used the same strategy people use when they read aloud to their kids by asking questions and using prediction skills but it was just in the TV show. For example, when there was a show about someone being a bully we were there to talk about what a mean person is and how our daughter thinks of the bully’s behavior. I would have done the same thing if I had read the book to her. I would have applied it to her background knowledge and her life in order for the lesson from the show to make sense.

How is that totally different from reading? Well, there is the whole phonetic awareness thing, but that wasn’t a problem for my daughter. She started being interested in the ABCs around three and wanting to write just before four years old. She recognized her name and almost every letter in the alphabet around that same time. For being not even four years old at that point was very good.

But according to the experts that isn’t suppose to happen. If anything my daughter should be riddled with ADHD and unable to sit still for long periods of time and not able to have a conversation due to poor language skills because she watched TV instead of reading a book. I am here to relieve your of that fear. Just because your kid watches TV doesn’t mean they will turn into a zombie that can’t learn. That is very much the opposite of what I am trying to say.

Actually my daughter has a wonderful attention span now. Before she would sit maybe for a minute at a time before moving on to something else. Now she is able to sit through a whole movie and be actively engaged with it. She sings and dances to the songs and already has the vocabulary skills and the articulation ability to sing along with the songs. Would she have been able to do that with a book, probably, but she was definitely able to learn it from her developmentally appropriate TV shows.

The other thing that has been a benefit from TV is that my daughter gets to have a taste of social interaction since she is a singleton. Now, she has friends and anyone who has singletons know that you have to get together with friends a lot or you will go insane, but she has the chance to be exposed to concepts like sharing, telling the truth, giving compliments and flat out being nice by watching TV since she doesn’t have a sibling to try all that on at home. So for me, the social impact of TV is benefit enough so my daughter does know how to act in public because the scene is acted out for her instead of just reading a few sentences in a book and looking at a pretty picture. There is that real world experience embedded in watching something play out to its fullness like a movie or TV show.

So if you are worried that your child isn’t going to learn something from a TV show that is developmentally appropriate don’t worry about it. Like my daughter, your child might be more of a visual learner who thinks right now books are too boring to work with. It won’t be like that forever. Now that the books are becoming more interesting and she has the foundation to understand the social settings going on in the books, my daughter is enjoying me reading to her and I am enjoying it now too. She is right on track for kindergarten and we are so proud of her accomplishments.

That is the key. As long as your child knows you love them and are proud of them they will succeed whether they read it from a book at the age of two or watch it explained by a character on a TV show. They will be able to have the skills to be the best they can be. So don’t worry about being the perfect parent and don’t worry if your kid watches some TV. In the right amounts, with the right content, TV can be a tool to give your child access to the world outside your home and a way to have them learn in the style that fits them.


Has Woman’s Rights Helped All Women?

If you clicked on this post I assume that you found the title interesting and you already have your opinion. Do you say “Yes! Woman’s Right has made life better” or “No! It has made life harder”? What area of Woman’s Rights am I talking about? Did that question pop into your head? Do you think that I am talking about voting, pay, or economic standing? Well I think I will surprise you if you can hang in with me.

I would say that no Woman’s Rights haven’t helped ALL women. I love being able to vote so I am not talking about that. I appreciate being able to go school and college so I and not talking about that. I love I can go and get a job, but that is what I am talking about. Has women going into the work really helped women in the long run?

I’ll just let you think about your opinion for a moment but I suggest you hear me out and keep reading.

I am a very motivated woman who is studying to be a teacher. I have a 4.0 GPA and believe in working hard for what you want out of life. But there is one thing that makes me crazy and that is the fact that a single woman or a married woman cannot thrive anymore on one income. Now think about what I mean.

I know many single women who have to have roommates to help with rent, utilities and food or they would have to move back in with their parents. And someone like me I am a married woman who is having to get a career because my husband can’t support us alone on his slightly higher than average income.

According to Woman’s Rights that shouldn’t happen so why is it? It is because there is honestly only so much money to go around. Back in the 50s and prior, women stayed at home (I know all about the history  and I am thankful for the work of women before me so don’t go there quite yet) and their husbands were able to provide for them. Yes, women had to get married to be able to leave the family home. They had to rely on a man to provide for them. But they were able to be good house keepers, mothers and friends because they had the time to devote to that. Now days that isn’t true.

We are now in the modern age and a woman to be on her own still needs people to help. She still needs a man or roommates to help. But here is the flip side. Because more women have wanted to work that means that men can’t make as much. So the option of a woman wanting to stay at home has become a very tough thing if not impossible. It has created this atmosphere of both parents having to work to make the same amount as a man would have back in the day to provide for his family.

So no I don’t think that Woman’s Rights has helped all women. It has taken away my ability to thrive as a stay at home mom and puts us in the poverty line. It makes it so that I have to go to get an official career that makes more than minimum wage so that I can make a profit after paying for child care. It has made it so that my daughter will have to go to school for her younger years because I need the school to watch her while I am at work. It has messed the equilibrium up and we are no better off now than we were back in the 50s with the exceptions of voting, education and job opportunity.

So now that you have read this whole article what is your opinion? Do you agree or do you not? I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter in the comments as long as they respect both sides of the argument.

Have a wonderful day and I will see you next time 🙂

Why Won’t My Kids Listen?

Have you ever said the title line before your kids? I know I have said that about my daughter too many times that I have lost count. She can make me so mad at times that I would buy her a toy if she would just listen to me. Have you ever been in your bathroom crying, begging God to change your child’s heart so that they will listen? That they know that you have what is best for them in mind? That even though you say no as a parent for their good because you know there is something better right around the corner?


I have to say I was there but did you notice something about what you were asking God to do for you with your kid? Aren’t those the same things He says to us? Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths”. Let’s now say in a way that might be easier to recognize.

“Billy, please listen to me. I know what is best for you even if you don’t see it right now. If you will just be patient we have something really awesome happening tomorrow and I can’t wait to show you.”

Now that sounds familiar doesn’t it. When I realized that I sound the way to God how my three year old sounds to me, I felt a little sick. I am an adult. I don’t throw tantrums anymore.

“Really?” I heard my inner voice say. “What did you just do yesterday when you didn’t get the news about your house that you wanted yesterday?”

“Uh.” I uttered internally trying to find an answer.

“See! you are no better than that little girl you are hiding in the bathroom from. She just wants to spend time with you, and, unlike God she can’t see you right now.”

So I wiped my eyes, got off the toilet and went back out there with my beautiful little girl. Because I realized that I was still a child in God’s eyes. I might be a grown adult in the world’s eyes but I am still very young in my faith. I have a lot of work to do so that I can be like the mature women of God I look up to, and I was not going to do that on my bathroom floor. I wasn’t going to do it blaming God for not giving me what I wanted and throwing a tantrum like my daughter had done for the twentieth time that day that had forced me into the bathroom to begin with.

What was I going to do? I have to say that I understand God in a whole new way after becoming a parent. I see myself as a youngster trying to please my heavenly father and getting upset when He says no. I am no different in how I talk sometimes to my God like my daughter talks to me. I yell and scream at Him because I don’t think He is being fair. Why do they have all the “blessings” and I don’t?

“Have you ever thought that you aren’t ready for them yet?” I heard my inner voice say as I starred at my daughter.

“Just like she isn’t ready to have chocolate right before bed. I wouldn’t be good for her.”

“Right, but tomorrow it will make a good treat and she will appreciate it then because she had to wait.”

“I don’t wait well.” A tear slid down my eye. “I don’t think it is fair how God works things that the faithful are not blessed but those who don’t do His will are.”

“I know, but you will see how it all works out in the end. He is still a good Father. He provides everything you need right now, and when you get the rest, you will rejoice even more than you would right now.”

I then felt a peace come over me. I knew that I would never not have another tantrum but I knew that I understood why God did the things He did better. He is looking out for me in ways I will never know just like I do for my daughter. One day she will thank me for all the hard work it was to raise her, but until then I will have to wait. I will have to wait on God as He reveals His plan step by step.

So I pray that you will be there right beside praying for maturity in Christ to handle the ups and downs of life. I pray for you to have a peace about where you are right now and that you will listen to the voice of God. He is there for you and He will never leave you. He is a good Father.


Why Not Adoption?

   If you have been going through infertility, there is a really good chance you have been asked why you don’t just adopt a child, right? My husband and I have many times, and the answer is pretty simple. We cannot afford adoption. It’s killer expensive both foreign and domestic. It’s sad, but foreign is a little cheaper but not much. If you want a special needs child, the odds of being placed are higher, but that was the reason my husband and I stopped trying was due to chromosome issues.

   I know it sounds heartless but it’s the truth. I have been through so much with my infertility problems that I don’t need anymore drama in my life. I can get plenty of that from my three year old. But when researching adoption, I just shook my head at all the fees there are to call a child you’re own. Why so much? And then you turn around and people try to guilt you because there are so many kids in foster care. I am sorry to say it can’t go both ways.

   One website said that my husband and I have to have a monetary net worth of $80,000 to qualify. Are they crazy? I don’t know anyone with that much worth right now. Oh but then on the same website they are asking for donations because they are overrun. Once again, you can’t have it both ways.

    So if you are thinking about tackling the area of adoption, I applaud you. You are a super hero because I don’t think I could do it. Like I said, my three year old is a handful at times and then awesome at others. I don’t need any more babies to have my life full of joy. Do I want another baby, sure, but I don’t need to put my family through unneeded financial and emotional stress to get one. We have already done that trying to have our own.

   Of course I am not saying that if God decided that we were going to adopt a child we wouldn’t listen. I mean God is God and when He decides you have kids, you have kids. I am just saying that I wish that people would keep saying we should adopt a child like it is as easy to go adopt a puppy. It’s not and most families can’t afford it even if they have the room. And foster care is a whole different story where we have personal experience of the State going over the good of the child and enabling the horrible parents. Once again, not worth it for me to have more children.

   Are you in the same boat as me or are you going to go for adoption? Let me know below and also tell me your success stories since there is more negative than positive out there about adoption. Because I think adoption is amazing. I just wish that is was more easily accessible to more families.


Second Hardest Day of My Life

   So today is a hard day for me because it was supposed to be my baby’s due date. I was supposed to be making hospital plans and having to pee every five minutes due to a growing baby using it as a trampoline. I was supposed to have a new nursery all prepared and have read my daughter books on how to be a big sister. But none of those things are happening for me and my husband. Instead of it being a day of accomplishment, it is a day of sadness at what we should be doing. Also tomorrow we are going to urology to make sure that we won’t lose another baby, Lord willing, ever again.

   But even though I am sad that we won’t be able to be like our friends who are about to deliver their babies or just announced they are expecting again, I am trying to find joy in what I have been blessed with. I have this beautiful miracle child who is more than enough for us to handle. I have the most wonderful and supportive husband to go through this with. And I have a loving support system who have prayed and supported me through these tough nine months. I thank everyone who has been there for me and my husband as we have gone back and forth with what is best for our family. I honestly couldn’t have done this without knowing that there were people out there praying for us and interceding the devil to not get us down. Thank you all again.

   So what is the next step for us? Well, my husband isn’t going to have the best Memorial Day Weekend this year that’s for sure, but he and I think it is best. Are you a woman or man in out position? Are you wondering if you have had enough? It’s okay to say that something like a Vasectomy is the best thing for you and your partner. There is nothing weak about it. Ask the male partner. He will never say that a vasectomy is a weak man’s decision. I don’t know one man who would honestly raise his hand and say “yes, I want a vasectomy”. So it’s not the easy way out by any means.

   I am actually a little nervous because someone else will be in my husband area and I have to say I am very protective of him. I mean, who wouldn’t be? So not only am I having an emotional day with it being my baby’s due date, but I am also a little stressed out with it being the final day of us trying for a baby and someone else messing with my husband’s junk.

   Now, I know that vasectomies fail all the time which I hope doesn’t happen since we don’t want kids 4-5 years apart. So I pray that his won’t fail because I don’t know if I could handle another loss or, by some miracle, another child who is 4-5 years younger than my daughter.

   Then there are all the good things that I have to remind myself there is when it comes to only one child. We get to go do more since we only have to pay for one child, I get to have some me time because she is now at an age where she can play by herself and I go do thing like take and shower, and I will only be 39 when she graduates high school so my husband and I will have many years to be together and be young enough to enjoy it. These are just a couple of things but they are enough for me right now to keep my mind in the right place when it wants to go to the dark place of grieving.

   So there is so much good life ahead of us and I look forward to experience it. Now that we have finally gotten to today it will be easier. Then after tomorrow we will be starting our new life. Our daughter will love to have her parents back and we will be able to enjoy her to the fullest. So this isn’t the end, but just the beginning.

   Hope you have  a great day, and feel free to leave a comment and let me know what are some things you are looked forward to have enjoyed since deciding to stop trying for anymore children. 🙂


How to Serve Others While You Hurt

If anyone is like me, then you have had some hurt in your life. I have had quite a bit in the last year especially with losing all my possessions and four babies. Talk about a hit to the heart, but there is always a choice when it comes to grief. You can turn into yourself and become nothing but a shell or you can use your grief as a gift to help others. It took me a long time but I decided that it’s worth it more in the end to help others than to only concentrate on myself. One of ways I do that is through my Etsy Shop.

Why do I love it? It gives me a chance to create and produce something productive when I feel like nothing is good in my life. You can’t help but smile at something you have made yourself. The extra money is nice but you will notice that I have one item in my shop that is more than the rest. I happen to love to make baby blankets which seems odd right from someone who just lost four babies right? Why would I make something that someone else will buy for their baby when I have just lost mine?It doesn’t make much sense does it I know, but I see it as a way to look outside myself and bless someone else even if I don’t feel blessed right now.

The other thing that I would suggest is to engage with people who are going through the same thing that you would like to be doing. I know, this sounds even crazier than the first thing, but it is true. One of my best friends and I were pregnant at the same time. Our babies were actually due two days a part. When we found out, we were so excited because there is nothing more fun than being pregnant with a best friend (I have many by the way). When I lost my baby, it could have really ruined things with my friend and I because she was nervous about what she could tell me  or not about her pregnancy. I didn’t want her to cut me off so I made the decision to be there for her and engage with her pregnancy even though I had lost mine.

Can you see where I am going with this? I was able to be a blessing for my friend and experience her pregnancy with her because I was able to come out of myself and see those around me. And it has been fun going on this journey with her. If I hadn’t taken that step, I would have missed out on something really great. Now, I will not sit here and tell you it has been easy reading her texts about her baby moving and doctors appointments. I am not perfect in any way. I have to fight jealousy everyday and that isn’t something that is probably going to go away soon, but there is a way to be jealous and happy for someone else at the same time. you just really have to keep your heart in check.

My next big test in this area is coming up soon since her baby shower and I am going to it. I have no idea how I am going to react. I could be all tears or I could be all smiles. Her shower is actually a week before my husband’s vasectomy which is going to add a whole other layer to the day. It’s the last week that my husband and I can decide whether or not we are really going to go through with making him sterile. Hard right?

So I have to keep myself busy and I have decided to go full bore into her gift to be a blessing to her instead of pining and dreading the day. No one likes a person like that for sure. I don’t want to be angry my whole life. I want to have the joy of the Lord shine through me and to show that my hurt doesn’t define who I am or what I can do. Also, the projects are really fun and turning out super cute. I can’t wait to due a post about it. This one item is so cute, I just might make on for me.

The point being, don’t let your hurt keep you from serving others. I might sound like I have it all figured out, but there are still many days where I have to just sit there and and say over and over again “God is good” because at that moment it doesn’t feel like it. I have a whole other post planned for that topic so I won’t go into it now. But just keep your chin up. Things will get better.


How to Deal With Pregnancy Announcements When You Can’t Have Babies

Tis the season. It seems like right now everyone I have on Facebook in childbearing years is either preggers or just had a baby. Good for them really, but it still stings a little the closer to when I should have had my baby. I should be able to be in the same club, but I am not and I won’t be again. I want to cry whenever I see people comment on the announcements that so-in-so will make a great brother/sister since my daughter would have made a good one too. I just have to keep scrolling or I will go into a depression and anger of why God has made it that we can’t another healthy baby.

He is the one that gives life, but not to us. He has given us one healthy daughter, but He won’t give her a healthy sibling. Everyone else gets to have one for their kid, but I don’t and it’s a sore spot with me with God. Now I am not going to walk away from Him or anything, but it’s a sore spot. We are a wonderful home for a baby and we can’t have a baby meanwhile some girl goes for a one night stand and gets knocked up and pops out (if the baby is lucky) a healthy kid. Why? I wish I knew, but I can only trust that for some reason we are meant to parent a singleton instead of the two or more my husband and I planned to have.

But this post is about how to deal with those announcements and not go crazy.

  • Admit that you are not yet healed and give yourself a break. It can take years to get over the fact that you won’t be able to have more kids, and if you still get upset when you see a pregnancy announcement, then you are not done healing.
  • This might sound harsh but, if you aren’t close to the person, you can ignore it. You are not obligated to like or comment on a person’s announcement. You can just check it in your heart that you are happy for them and keep scrolling.
  • Go spend time with the kids you have (even if it’s a four legged one). Not being able to have more or any kids shouldn’t take away your joy for what you do have. And don’t count out pets because they are family too. If you can’t have kids and your baby is your dog or cat, go play with them and get a smile on your face.
  • Spend time with your husband. He has these moments just like you do but men hold it in differently than women do. We tend to wear our pain on our sleeves and men bury it. Spend time together and talk about your infertility. The more it’s treated like a giant elephant that no one can talk about the odder it becomes.
  • Go for a walk. Because it’s the best medicine to clear your head.
  • Pray. I know how hard it is to have a relationship with God after losing babies and having to make the tough decision of not trying anymore. You feel betrayed and deserted, but it isn’t true. It’s not because God doesn’t love you that you can’t have a baby, and He is the only one besides your husband that truly understands your pain so pray and keep talking with Him.
  • And finally, look to the future. Your infertility is in the past, and you have your whole future ahead of you.

I hope this has helped you. I am still going down the road to recovery and I will be kind of glad when my generation is done having kids so I don’t feel left out anymore.

Leave a comment and let me know how you are doing on your journey.