Why Won’t My Kids Listen?

Have you ever said the title line before your kids? I know I have said that about my daughter too many times that I have lost count. She can make me so mad at times that I would buy her a toy if she would just listen to me. Have you ever been in your bathroom crying, begging God to change your child’s heart so that they will listen? That they know that you have what is best for them in mind? That even though you say no as a parent for their good because you know there is something better right around the corner?

Wait.

I have to say I was there but did you notice something about what you were asking God to do for you with your kid? Aren’t those the same things He says to us? Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths”. Let’s now say in a way that might be easier to recognize.

“Billy, please listen to me. I know what is best for you even if you don’t see it right now. If you will just be patient we have something really awesome happening tomorrow and I can’t wait to show you.”

Now that sounds familiar doesn’t it. When I realized that I sound the way to God how my three year old sounds to me, I felt a little sick. I am an adult. I don’t throw tantrums anymore.

“Really?” I heard my inner voice say. “What did you just do yesterday when you didn’t get the news about your house that you wanted yesterday?”

“Uh.” I uttered internally trying to find an answer.

“See! you are no better than that little girl you are hiding in the bathroom from. She just wants to spend time with you, and, unlike God she can’t see you right now.”

So I wiped my eyes, got off the toilet and went back out there with my beautiful little girl. Because I realized that I was still a child in God’s eyes. I might be a grown adult in the world’s eyes but I am still very young in my faith. I have a lot of work to do so that I can be like the mature women of God I look up to, and I was not going to do that on my bathroom floor. I wasn’t going to do it blaming God for not giving me what I wanted and throwing a tantrum like my daughter had done for the twentieth time that day that had forced me into the bathroom to begin with.

What was I going to do? I have to say that I understand God in a whole new way after becoming a parent. I see myself as a youngster trying to please my heavenly father and getting upset when He says no. I am no different in how I talk sometimes to my God like my daughter talks to me. I yell and scream at Him because I don’t think He is being fair. Why do they have all the “blessings” and I don’t?

“Have you ever thought that you aren’t ready for them yet?” I heard my inner voice say as I starred at my daughter.

“Just like she isn’t ready to have chocolate right before bed. I wouldn’t be good for her.”

“Right, but tomorrow it will make a good treat and she will appreciate it then because she had to wait.”

“I don’t wait well.” A tear slid down my eye. “I don’t think it is fair how God works things that the faithful are not blessed but those who don’t do His will are.”

“I know, but you will see how it all works out in the end. He is still a good Father. He provides everything you need right now, and when you get the rest, you will rejoice even more than you would right now.”

I then felt a peace come over me. I knew that I would never not have another tantrum but I knew that I understood why God did the things He did better. He is looking out for me in ways I will never know just like I do for my daughter. One day she will thank me for all the hard work it was to raise her, but until then I will have to wait. I will have to wait on God as He reveals His plan step by step.

So I pray that you will be there right beside praying for maturity in Christ to handle the ups and downs of life. I pray for you to have a peace about where you are right now and that you will listen to the voice of God. He is there for you and He will never leave you. He is a good Father.

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What to Do When You are Stuck?

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      Have you ever felt stuck before? I have. It’s not a fun feeling. You see what you want or where you want o go but your feet are cemented to the ground. You can’t move no matter how hard you try. It’s called a holding pattern in some groups. To me, it’s called torture. I have been working for some time to unstuck, but there is one thing that has me where I am. It isn’t God’s timing for me to move. He wants me right where He has me no matter how much I was to protest.

        How can I so easily say that? Because I have found that no matter how I try to make something happen, if it’s not what God wants, it’s not going to happen. Sometimes being stuck is just God saying “no” yet we persist to actually be running into a wall instead of not moving at all. To me that is worse since I don’t like be hurt and bruised due to my own will.

        I can recall a time where this happened though so don’t think you are alone. My husband and I have been wanting to move to a better state for many years now (we live in California and you can see why we want to leave), but the doors have never opened. Even though we think that we should have been able to move years ago, God set out His answer of “no”. I hated it since I hate many things that go on in the state I live. I wanted to move some where that agreed with at least the majority of the laws and the government had brains. But whatever. I tried to push my way through with my husband putting out over fifty applications to many states trying to find a job so we could move.

         After doing that for about six months, I gave up. Said “God, I guess we are not moving, so there”. I then went on my merry way as long as I didn’t watch the news or paid attention to the things that were being passed by the California legislators.

        Then we tried again and the answer was still no and I was getting really annoyed. But I just kept going with it since God had opened other doors in California for us. That was when this hurricane season hit. The main area we were trying to move to was Houston Texas. I wanted to move there so bad because, for the price of our house, we could practically buy wherever we wanted in Houston. It would have solved all our problems. Or would it? The area we were looking has now been destroyed and damaged by the hurricane. That would have been us swimming to safety from the home that we would have fought God so hard for. It would have been a disaster.

          So if I kept ramming the wall to move out of state, I probably would have made it, but would it have really been the answer? Yes, I am not a fan of the politics in California but at least my house wasn’t flooded and we didn’t lose everything. I still have my family nearby and we would have been on our own if we had moved. It wasn’t God’s best for us, and I am thankful for that.

         I guess what I am trying to say is that, if you feel stuck, it actually is for your best. It means that you can go a hurt yourself worse. It is a way that God can protect you just like a parent grabs their kid’s arm so they won’t run into the street. All you see as God’s child is the toy or park you want to go play with on the other side but God as your good Father sees the cars and the dangers around you. It is His job to protect His kids and sometimes we are not going to like the answer He gives us. I know I don’t sometimes, but when I look back, I can see it was for my good.

          So my prayer is that you will look around and see what God might be protecting you from. And, when the time is right, everything you are desiring will fall into place.

 

Finding Time to Write – An Author’s Confession

     It seems like there is a bunch of craziness flying around in our every day lives. I hardly have time to put makeup on in the morning let alone carve out time for myself. But, as a writer, there is one problem when you don’t find the time to write. You literally start to feel your head hurt from all the ideas in your head.

     I went a month without writing because I started a teaching credential and there just wasn’t much time for anything else. But then the ideas for my current novel just kept replaying and building up until I literally couldn’t sleep well at night. I knew what would cure me, but I wanted to get as much school work done as possible. Writing wasn’t paying the bills like I wanted so it must not be that important.

     I am here to say that it’s vital for an author to live by setting time aside to write. If I don’t write, I start getting a little cranky since I have characters and voices in my head trying to get out, but I won’t let them. So the best thing for me is to sit down and write something even if it only five minutes a day. Not only is this a good habit to actually finish books, but it’s a good time to spend on you.

     If you are anything like me, your books go along with how your life is going, and, if you don’t let those thoughts and passions out, they will just eat you up. What do I mean? Say something bad happens to you and your character is supposed to have something happen to them that might not be in their favor. I find that having my characters go through things similar to me helps me process the world around me. So if I don’t sit down and process the bad things that happen to me, they just build and build until I explode. That is not helpful to anyone around me or myself.

     But, if I take the time to write, that happens a lot less often. So I would encourage all my writing buddies out there to put writing as a true priority when life gets busy. Because it is the way our minds work, and we we need to keep our minds sharp for all the dangers we must dodge as we trudge our way through this adventure and life as we know it. Only until we reach the diamond of success with the sword of determination will we know the victory over the our evil adversary – the schedule.

     Sorry. I just had to add some of my own flare in there.

      What will you write today?

5 Tips: How to Survive a Vasectomy

If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you know that we are a couple with secondary infertility due to chromosomal abnormalities to any embryo that is conceived and we decided to have my husband have a vasectomy as a permanent way to end our suffering. I am not going to lie that it was not the easiest thing for either of us to go through but it was the best thing. So I am going to tell you about our experience and some tips that we learned along the way.

First, make sure your doctor has the experience. I know the only way for a young doc to get experience is by doing but these are your balls for heaven’s sake so make sure the guy (or gal) knows what they are doing. My husband got a great doctor who was the most requested we found out, but we were just blessed to get placed with him.

For the ladies, I hate to tell you that they probably won’t let you go back with your husband. I had to wait in the lobby for an hour since I couldn’t go back with him. I hated it, but my husband said it was a good thing. He said that my mama bear side would have come out if I saw the doctor messing with his junk and searing his vans after snipping them a part. So I would suggest you just take a book and take the time to relax because, once you get home, you will have a full grown baby on your hands.

Now, my husband is not a wimp and he will tell you that this knocked him on his butt. It did hurt for the first couple of days a lot more than he thought. I have never seen him on so much pain killer, but, after we learned these tricks, things got better.

  1. Support! Guys, you need something more supportive than your boxer briefs. My husband thought it would be and he was very much wrong. A cup would work, but he realized it would be hard to ice with it on. So what we did was just bundle up a small bunch of gauze (like the size of your ball sack) and place it BEHIND your balls. That will push them forward and take the pressure off making them hang while they are very angry at you.
  2. Ice! Ice was crucial to my husband’s recovery. But he couldn’t get it himself. So make sure for the first four days that there is someone home to get the ice for your man every twenty minutes. I would give him twenty minutes on and twenty minutes off. It was tedious, but it got my husband out of bed quicker.
  3. Some kind of essential oil like lavender to help with bruising, and keeping the incision clean. Now I will say here that there is “no medical backing” behind this since it’s natural so ask your doctor first. But I used it and it helped. So do your homework on it but it’s just a tip. Everyone is different. But ladies you are going to want to get something for your man because he will hardly be able to walk to the bathroom alone let alone shower for the first four days. Then, when he was able, I had to be there to help him shower since he had to hold his balls to keep them from hanging. I’ll be honest and say that my husband couldn’t stand naked without holding his balls for about two weeks, but after day four he got pretty good and showering one handed. So something for smell is a good idea, but it doesn’t hurt if it will help his recovery too.
  4. Have the kids out of the house for the first two days. This is because you as the wife will have enough on your plate with your laid up husband and your husband doesn’t need kiddos jumping on him as soon as he gets home. Hit up friends and grandparents to take the kids. Trust me. This is the best tip. I was so tired after that first day that I did really need the second day to just relax and watch movies next to my husband in between getting him ice every twenty minutes.
  5. And finally, try to make it fun. Talk about your sex life after the vasectomy is healed and how worth it is. Because, after about one hour, your husband will be thinking he made the worst decision in his life. It will be up to you ladies to keep his eyes on the prize of being able to have all the hot sex you want without birth control. No more condoms, pills, schedules, thermometers, sponges, or the horrible pulling out at ejaculation. Until he is on his feet, he will need a reason for why he did this and it is up you ladies to do that.

So there are my tips. It might sound horrible to go through but it is so worth it. Our sex life has never been better since we got the final all clear that it was a success. We now can live our lives without the stress of losing another baby and can enjoy the perfect little one we have now. So if you are considering a vasectomy, I would say go for it. It is well worth the few days of pain and inconvenience. Because I don’t know about you but it’s way better all natural and even better when the bullets are all blank.

Hoped this helped. Have a great day! 🙂

How be a Mom, Student and Wife

There has been a lot of change in the past few months for my family. I have gone back to being a full time student! This is very exciting since I will finally (after four years of leaving my last school) be able to finish my dream of earning a degree. Also I will now be able to get a job that can pay for childcare and still have some money left over. The cost of childcare was the reason that I have not gone back to school until now, and I decided to go to an all online school so that I would be able to stay home while still completing my classes.

But me being back in school has also added an interesting dynamic to our home since my husband has to take care of our daughter regularly in the evenings so I can go take a test and such. He has had to learn what it is like to be “mom” when your child doesn’t want what you made for dinner or runs around the house because she doesn’t want to go bed. I have done this job of “fully time mommy” for two years now (all day) and he is now getting a taste of it for only a couple hours at most after work. Is he doing a good job? Yes he is. He is doing a great job, but his finished job isn’t always the same as mine and that has taught me a lot about myself.

I have learned that I do have a specific way I like the house at night, and, when my husband is in charge of cleaning up at the end of the night, most of the times it doesn’t even come close to my standards. I finish school for the night hoping that I won’t have to do anymore, but I come out and the an unfinished kitchen, toys not put away, mail not sorted, and other things that I do to make sure I don’t start the next day behind. But I have learned I have a choice in that moment and it comes with keeping balance.

I am learning that the way I react will determine how things go in the future. I like it that my husband takes care of our daughter for me while I study and he does it without complaint so I don’t want to throw a huge fuss because I know he will stop doing that. He will buck against my reaction and not do what I ask of him with a happy heart. But I don’t want to keep picking up after everyone either.

So I tell him how I want the house at the end of the day and he might come back with the all famous man comment “Well I have worked all day and I don’t want to do anymore”. Ladies, how much does that statement make your blood boil?

Men, that statement is the one way to make sure you don’t get laid for a long time. That statement means that you have belittled your wife to just sitting on her butt all day doing nothing. I’ll tell you one thing, your wife by the time you get home has worked almost twelve hours just being up. If she is like me she has done laundry, made two meals, cleaned two meals, house work, get the kids to where they need to go, clean up again, provide snack, clean that up, made the bed, did the dishes, taken care of the pet if you have one, and maybe gotten a chance to take a pee somewhere. This is just a short list of what wives get done on a regular basis, but you are the one who has worked all day?

But her day doesn’t end there. After she has made a third meal, she goes in and tries to get her lesson done while she listens to you and your children in the living room causing noise and ruckus. She sits there hoping to be able to concentrate and know her husband is thinking about her needs with how she wants the house to look at the end of the day and that the two of you will get some time together. That is what is going through your wife’s mind, but does that happen?

For me right now I am still “training” my husband.  And I say that very lightly because he does do his best. He honestly doesn’t see the mess right in front of him like a woman does with it being a flashing neon sign. For example, I have lost count at how many times I have asked my husband to wipe down the counters after doing the dishes and I come in and maybe 15% of the time they are actually wiped off. So what do I do? Most days I just wipe off the counters.

But sometimes I don’t want to. Sometimes I just want to go in a scold my husband for not completing the job like I would my daughter, but I can’t because he is not my child. He has a mom who maybe didn’t push for the same level of organization out of him like I would like to see. And I frankly don’t want to re-raise him. I would like it if he would just know what to do on his own. But is it worth putting a dent in our marriage over a wet counter top? Is there a better way to handle things when they are not up to your standards at the end of the day?

For you men, I would suggest that if you are not going to fully help your wives out to have things completely done, don’t ask for some special hugs. Just don’t do it. There is no better way to piss off an exhausted wife than to see her finally sit down after having to come in behind you and finish cleaning after working over twelve hours and then studying than to ask for some sex. It will not go well for you every single time. So how do you men get laid more often when your wife is stretched more than usual? CLEAN AND HELP TO HER STANDARDS. It’s not that difficult.

And for the ladies. If your husband is needing some loving time, don’t always say no because sex is honestly how men are rewarded for doing things for you. He is trying and, if he loves you, he will continue to try until his dying day, but sometimes men just don’t get it. They love you though so don’t forget that.

So what do I do to not lose my mind all the time? Because time with me in school is actually a training time for when I am working. I will just lose time to get things done while I work and my husband will continue to have to pick up some of the slack so that the house doesn’t fall a part. This is what I do: Take a deep breath and try to move on. I will ask my husband why he didn’t finish and tell him how I would like to have it done, but sometimes you can only beat and dead horse so many times. If a man isn’t going to do something, there is nothing a woman can do to make him do it. So you just have to pull up your boot straps and keep marching on.

Because you are going to school for you and your family and your husband does need to understand that. There is so much on your plate now and you need to be allies with him and not enemies. So don’t let a wet counter cause there to be battle lines. The way to be a mom, wife and student is to give grace to those around you (especially your husband), love, understanding and a glass of wine at the end of the day while ignoring everything your husband missed.

To Contest or Not to Contest?

So Kindle is doing this writers contest right now and I am wondering if I should throw my hat in. It would be great if I won, but what are the odds? I have a book that would work, but it needs a lot of work. I have until November though so there is a chance that I could have it ready so what is holding me back?

It is because I am scared of not winning? That’s a normal response. Who likes rejection? Not me but that is the business of writing. you would think I would be a pro a accepting rejection.

Or what if I win, what then? It would be great but I would be handing my work to others and they might not take as good of care of it as me. I mean I have spent hours on this and the judges might spend a few minutes reading my work before they move onto the next. If I do win, did the judges really look at the work for what it is or not? I would hope so, but I don’t know. I mean to get a contract, that would be amazing and I would be in the real world of being an author and that is my dream.

What would you do? Would you submit something and hope for the best? Or would you not submit and just keep doing what you are doing? Some opinions would be good I think. Let me know in the comments below. 🙂