Still a Country Girl

I had to laugh at my little girl this past weekend. We have been doing a lot of yard work getting our garden ready and grass under control and Emma has been a real help. She has gone and got me buckets and helped carry the hose around. But today was the first time she was actually able to be a country girl in the city. It was warm enough it didn’t matter if she got wet and was able to able to run around in just her boots and diaper. She was one happy toddler!

Who wouldn’t love to go back to being a kid again where it is ok to get messy? I know some days I wish I could. She just makes me smile. It’s also nice to be able to give her a little bit of country in our suburban life right now. I grew up in the country and loved my childhood. And Emma actually spent her first year and a half on that same property where my parents have a horse, goats and our chickens. So I wanted to give her that since of good old growing up in an area that is really busy and urban. So here she is getting to be a kid and doing what kids do best.

Leave a comment below if you have a little one in your life who makes you smile. Leave a cute story if you want too! 🙂

What My Child is Teaching Me

I have learned a lot since becoming a parent. I have learned that there is more to raising a child than just making silly noises and playing games. There’s a lot of responsibility in keeping someone else alive everyday, but she’s taught me something else. She has shown me how selfish I am.

I always knew other people were selfish but I never knew how selfish I was until I had my daughter. I’m so selfish with my time and resources that it makes me so sad sometimes. Here she is just being a kid and most of the time I would rather her go and play by herself so I can get my stuff done that I want to do. How selfish is that?

So I am being worked on in that area of my life and maybe someday it will be worked out. You can’t be a good parent and be selfish at the same time. It like a pirate with treasure and his rum while falling off a cliff. He can try to hang onto both but he can’t pull himself up. He has to let go of one of them. One will bring pleasure now but it quickly fading and the other is heavier but it will bring him the most joy in the long run. I was the pirate, I would ditch the rum and keep the treasure.

Because, in the long run, my greatest treasure is my daughter and God has given her to me to raise the way He wants. I can’t do that if I don’t give her the time and attention she needs. My projects will always be there but my daughter is only little for a short time. I would rather pull her in close and know that at least one thing was taken care of that day – I know that my daughter came first.

So hold your kids tight. This is just but a season with them. Soon they will be out on their own and won’t need you like they do now. My daughter is 2 years old in two weeks and I can’t believe how fast she has grown up. I don’t want to miss her childhood.

She’s So Precious

I have to say that I started out today not in the best mood. I was irritable and easily flustered but I didn’t want to be that way for me and especially not my daughter. So we went to the gym where I did my thing and Emma got to go play with some kids.

We then came home, I made lunch and we played in her room until she went down for a nap. The nap wasn’t going so well so I sent and got her out of her room, but I could see she was still tired so we came out to the couch and this is what happened.

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She is so cute when she sleeps 🙂

Precious right? She may be almost 2 but she is still my baby. My little Emma is growing up so fast and I can’t do anything to stop it. So I’ll just enjoy these moments I am given 🙂

No More Binkis!

So my little girl has done it. She has given up her binki. I don’t know whether or not to praise God or cry. We had planned on taking it away after her birthday in April but to have her done with it now was a shock. We tried to take it away back in December but that was a disaster so we gave it back and figured she would give it up when she was ready.

Then we went to church last week and she lost it. We couldn’t find it anywhere in the classroom. We think that she may have given it to a little friend and someone else has an extra binki now. Then we couldn’t find the spare when we got home. Well I wasn’t going to go to Walmart at 9:00pm so we just put her to bed without her binki and crossed our fingers. She went to sleep with no fuss! It was amazing! I thought maybe it was a fluke so I wasn’t going to call it a success until she had gone five nights without it. Well she has and I couldn’t be happier… sort of.

Why am I not totally happy? Well that means that my little girl is no longer a baby, and I am not sure if I am ready for that yet. My husband and I have stopped trying for another baby right now since the loss of our three babies was getting to be too much so we have made it a point to really enjoy our daughter. So, the fact that she has given up her binki, means we are almost out of the baby stage with her. All that is left is potty training. Then she will be a big girl and no longer my little baby.

So I am happy that I no longer have to keep track of her binki or her teeth going bad, but I am sad since she is growing up so fast. She is so precious to me.

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The Miracle of Emma

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This picture says it all for me. Emma Rochelle was born in 2014 in the wee hours of the morning after a long labor and delivery. She was 8lb. 15oz. and 21″ long. I will never remember that moment when she finally was out in the world. I had been pushing for so long and I had nothing more to give. But now it was over, and she was here.

Only that wasn’t the end of my story, and it most certainly wasn’t the beginning. I want to tell you the full story of the Miracle of Emma and how God showed His hand every step of the way. So sit tight and hang on, because this isn’t a lazy river ride. This is a raging water ride.

It started back in 2012 when I first started having issues with PCOS. (I have a few posts about is like If Paul was Yoda and such so feel free to check them out.) I had my last period in October 2012 and did not have one until May 2013. I was told I would never have children and there was no reason for birth control. So my husband and I didn’t use anything caution and just went with how we felt.

I had a lot of growing up to do as I mention in my last post about how I was a walking jealous time bomb pretty much. I pretty much looked like this:

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Not so pretty right? But it felt like my affliction was rubbed in my face everywhere I went. It seemed like Satan kept putting people in my path who were pregnant and I was going insane with jealousy. I hated it and  I was beginning to hate God for putting me trough it.

Then a wise friend took me in under her wing (even though I don’t think she realized she did) and had me become more involved with my church’s children ministry. I know weird right? Why would someone who can’t have kids want to bless and love on other people’s kids. Most of the parents couldn’t wait to dump their kids off most of the time. But that was why I was perfect for the job. I had the time and energy to pour into these kids that their parents didn’t have. I was able to be that extra someone that a mother relied on when she dropped her kid off in the nursery so that she could go enjoy the church service without having to worry about her child.

And it made me content. I was able to come love on kids and go home to my quiet house. It was pretty much perfect. I still had my health issues but my heart was being fixed and mended to be able to take on the task that God had set before me.

Now came May 2013 and I miracle happened, I had a period! It was totally not expected and I didn’t even have tampons in the house. I had to go and buy some that day. I thought they were never coming back so I didn’t buy anymore. Any way, that isn’t the point. The point was that God had blessed me with a period.

The next month, I didn’t have one and I wasn’t surprised. I knew that with PCOS my periods were crazy so I was just happy that I had had one that year. We moved at the end of June I my feet were so swollen that I couldn’t hardly stand on them. I thought I had just done too much with the move and had to put them up. Only, it didn’t help! They stayed swollen for two weeks!

Then my sister’s wedding was in July and I noticed my breasts were huge and they were sore. I had no idea what could be wrong and pregnancy never entered my mind. I thought I had breast cancer actually, but they had gotten so big, that I almost didn’t fit in my dress for the wedding. My mom said that was crazy and that something had to wrong. Meanwhile, I had been filling a baby bottle for a fundraiser for our local pregnancy center and thought I would ask them about it that week when I planned to bring in the full bottle. Maybe they could tell me if it could be serious.

After the wedding, on July 17th I went to the pregnancy center to drop off the bottle. I then had a feeling that I had to take a test. Didn’t know why since I couldn’t get pregnant but I did any way. And guess what? It was positive. God had blessed me with a baby. I didn’t know how long I would have this baby since there had to be a low chance that I would be bale to carry this baby to term but I was going to be thankful every day that I was pregnant.

It was a long pregnancy since we went day by day to see if I was going to carry my daughter to term but I did. I actually had my water break ten days late. I had to be put on that medicine to get my labor going since she was so happy to be in me, she didn’t want to leave. It took 25 hours to convince her to come out with 4 hours of pushing. I was so tired and I was so done. I just wanted to meet my baby that I had worked so hard to get here.

Though our journey home wasn’t done yet. After she was delivered, she had to spend 2 days in the NICU because I have gotten an infection from being in labor for so long. I was still unable to be with my baby until finally we got the green light and was able to bring her home.

It has been an interesting time since then. She is a very strong child and can be interesting to raise at times but that was how she got here. She needed her strong will to survive in the womb and it will do her well later in life. She is an amazing person and a true miracle. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for her. She is my sunshine and my biggest blessing.

Alive in Me

I love the lyrics of this song. I was listening to it in the car with my daughter today as we were running around doing our errands and it got me thinking – Do I really believe what this song is saying? I know that I am a child of God but I have always been taught that God is something that is out there and that He has control over everything in the universe. It wasn’t until recently have I been going to my current church that my pastor has been really talking about God living in us.

It is totally mind blowing to even think of such a thing. The almighty God, living in me. Wow! I am so not worthy and unfit to be a vessel of His but then I really hit that God – uses only “unfit” vessels because then He is the one who gets all the glory. If it was really up to me to do anything great in my life, I would be in a very bad place right now. Actually, I would probably be dead.

It is only by the grace of God that I have made it this far in life. He is the only reason that I continue to wake up in the morning. It is only through Him that I have the courage to do the things I do. I’ll tell you that writing this blog, publishing a book, and having an Etsy Shop is really scary for me. I have always been a very private person but lately it seems like God has been pushing me to come out of my shell. I am not sure He feels that I need to spill my guts out tho the world, but He does and I know better than to say “No” to Him. It is always easier to just do as the Lord leads than to fight Him.

So the question for me is, do I believe that God is alive in me? Yes I do! He is my rock and my fortress. I can hide in Him and I can stand firm with Him beside me. He has never left or forsaken me. Like a little broken child, I can come to Him and have Him hold me as I cry both tears of pain and celebrate with tears of joy. And, one day, I will get to meet my God face to face. I can’t wait, but, until then, I get to be here and enjoy the life He has given. I get to show other people that God truly is alive. He is alive in everything and He is definitely alive in me.

Feel free to comment 🙂

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Photo from Metrolyrics.com

How to Say “I’m Sorry”

People have said that to say “I’m sorry” is the biggest act to show how humble you really are. As a kid, I thought they were crazy but then I got married. Now I have only been married for four years to this date but I have already seen how the lack of saying “I’m sorry” can very quickly destroy a marriage.

I have a very “let’s fix right now” attitude and my husband is a “lets see how this rolls” kind of personality. Both are good in their own ways until we get in an argument. Then he shuts down and I don’t shut up. It turns into an ugly mess and we end up going in separate rooms where he is probably thinking I have gone insane and I am thinking that he is the worst husband ever. None of those things are true by the way, but have you ever felt that? They are both lies, actually anything in an argument said in anger is a lie, to get us off track with God and to have Satan get into our heads.

My husband and I one time had this fight where I thought that we might not work out in the long run because it seemed our goals were going in two completely different directions. I thought he was being lazy with life and I wanted to have more out of life. Turns out that wasn’t the case but it still didn’t stop me from mouthing off and not saying some nice things. MY husband was hurt and I was in no mood to apologize because I was in the right after all. If he wanted to “I’m sorry” it would have to come out his mouth.

Well it didn’t because he wasn’t the one who had to say it. If I have been rational, we could have just talked about my feelings of being taken advantage of and so on and the whole argument could have been by passed. He had no idea that was feeling the way I was and he would have been better if he had only known.

So guess what I had to do though before I could find that out? Yup, I had to swallow my pride and go say “I’m sorry”. I didn’t want to but God pricked my heart once I calmed down and point out how I was in the wrong. I needed to make the first step to making things right, not my husband. And when I humbled myself and said the magic words, the tension and anger melted away. So don’t give satan the satisfaction of getting in your head. Because it won’t end up in a good place for anyone.

Now this just doesn’t go for women, but also you men too. My husband has gone off on me for something that had happened at work and he had to be the one to apologize. And sometimes, it is the man who needs to be humbled and brought before God. No one is perfect and that includes men and husbands. Because you guys are the ones that Satan will want to get his foothold in the most. He know that if he can get a wedge between two people (especially a man a wife) then he knows that he can create a whole lot of trouble. He wants to have as much time as possible between apologies because that is where he can have fun.

But if too much times goes by where neither party is willing to say it, then that is where problems start. There’s a void that starts to open and it is not a good thing. Too much void means there will be opportunities for both sides to make bad decisions. I know that I have been presented a few and my husband even more when we are fighting. It is a scary thing to think of would happen to our marriage if one of us slips up just once. I don’t even want to think about it. So I have to remind myself daily to keep up the fight against the right enemy and that is not my husband. So do the easy thing and say “I’m sorry” and see the difference it makes in your life 🙂

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Seriously. How can I be mad a face like this? 🙂