A Sweet Moment Sewing

I know it has been a few days since my last post, but I have a really cute one to share with you today. I have been finally able to get my sewing machine out since we moved into our new house and I have been having a lot of fun. One of the things I have been also trying to do is make my own patterns which I am not sure is going well but I will keep trying.

One of the cute things that I have made recently is something that I got to include Emma in on it. I drew out a pattern for a little horse toy and thought I would give it a try. Emma was still taking her nap when I got started, but, when she saw I was sewing, she wanted to give a hand. I then told her I was making something for her and her eyes lit right up and she really wanted to help even more.

I sewed the pieces together and turned it right side out. She then wanted to help me stuff the little horse and she was such a great help. I would cut up the strips and she would hand them to me while sitting on my lap. It was such a great moment between the two of us. I felt so connected to her as a mother and a friend and she was so excited that I was making something just for her. Most of the time it’s for my Etsy Shop and I haven’t really made anything for her.

It was such a sweet time with her. With her being two, sometimes it feels like all I do is correction but this was a moment were we got to be together without any expectations or correction needed. She just sat on my lap and helped me make her horse.

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I know it doesn’t sound like much but for a mom who wonders if she is doing anything right with this parenting thing, it was a confidence boost. I know that she will turn into a wonderful little girl and later a beautiful woman. I love her more than anything.

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Finished project! It has some things that need to be changed but Emma loves it so that’s all that matters to me 🙂

 

When Your Child Wants a Baby

Emma did the cutest thing today. She has this baby doll that she loves named Bailey. She is originally Emma’s potty doll but she has turned into her best friend. Bailey tends to go every where with us. But today she did something that made me smile and my heart ache.

We were sitting down for lunch and she insisted that Bailey join us. I remember doing that as a child with my little Simba so I told her that’s fine and we began to eat. I noticed that Emma was putting some of her Mac and Cheese off to the side and she was mumbling something to Bailey. I listened closer and she was saying, “There Baywee. It’s nummy. mmmm… dewishous.” (bad grammar to match Emma’s pronunciation.)

That’s what made me smile and a little sad at the same time. She was treating her doll as if she was real. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I have caught her her rocking Bailey to sleep and taking her potty on the big girl potty. She is such a good little mommy. But I am worried it is because she wants a sibling. She stares at sisters whenever we go to the store and she is drawn to movies and shows that emphasis the sister bond.

What if I can’t give her one? Will she feel left out? Will her life be less fulfilled than that of her friends with siblings? I know the answer to everyone of those questions but the truth it whether or not I will listen to it or the lie. That is the important part.

When your child wants a sibling I know it can be heart breaking when you have tried and God has not blessed. I haven’t had her ask directly yet “Mommy, why don’t I have siblings like my friend ___?” And I am not looking forward to it.

I had a break down a couple weeks ago thinking about this very thing. I texted my sister telling her that I don’t know how I am going to make God look good in all of this to Emma when she can start asking those kinds of questions. My only thought was “Well honey, God only wanted to give you for us to raise. He didn’t see fit to give you a sibling”. Pretty horrible right? But this is what my wiser (younger) sister replied with, “No you tell her that I wasn’t supposed to have kids and God was so gracious and gave us you! Can you believe that? Isn’t He good? Then He told me to be happy where I was and mommy loved being your mommy so much that I was ok with just having you”.

Pretty crazy right? And did I mention my sister is only 22 years old? Where did she get to be so much wiser than me in this growing up adventure? So when your child starts to ask for another baby and it isn’t possible, try to remember that God has already given you a very special gift already. I can’t lose sight of that as I am getting closer to finding out if I will be able to give my daughter and brother or sister or if I will have to have this serious sit down talk with her in the future.

If there is anything you would like to add, feel free to leave it in the comments! Have a blessed day!

Look in a Mirror: Parenting 101

My last post was one that was really from my heart and my goal with it was to touch someone who is in the same boat as me. I wanted them to see that they are not alone but that God is still good in the end with everything.  Well this post isn’t like that one. Not that God isn’t good still but rather this post is about my child I have on earth and not the ones I don’t have.

As you know, I have this bombshell of a daughter and she is the world to me. She doesn’t get the title of bombshell for nothing. She is beautiful and smart and will knock the socks off an elephant with her drive and her will. None of which is bad but keeping it focused in the right direction is really hard. I have tried certain things that people have suggested but I was still left with this wonderful child who is screaming (sometimes literally) at me to lead her and raise her in the way that God desires. What I was trying wasn’t working.

The problem with it though is that I have no idea what I am doing half the time. As a young first time mom, I am still trying to figure out all the do’s and don’ts  when it comes to raising a child in this day and age. This thing called discipline in one that has been become so confusing that I have often missed a great training opportunity because society has made doing the “old fashion way” of parenting really hard. And the crazy part is that my two year old figured it out! She knows that she wouldn’t be taken behind the shed or put on a time out in public since I really can’t do any of my tools in public other than just let her sit there in the store and have a tantrum over not getting that piece of candy. (Please understand that I have an awesome daughter and I know that. I am talking about those moments when children have those episodes they do at times. Most of the time I can take her any where and she fine.)

That was until I went seminar from the National Center of Biblical Parenting, and introduced to me the heart way of raising children. My daughter isn’t a bad kid but she is a kid whose heart needs to led in the right way to have her grow into a confident adult. The ultimate goal as a Christian parent is to bring my daughter to the feet of Christ and have her accept Him as her Lord and Savior. So I picked up their book Parenting is Heart Work and have had a hard time putting it down. I haven’t made it very far to know exactly how to help change my daughter’s heart yet but so far the book has been great as explaining what it means to be a heart based parent instead of just a behavior modification based parent.

So I will continue reading and let you know how things go with my daughter, but there was one huge thing that I learned with reading this book. The reason I think the book is written the way it is because us parents need to look in the mirror and get our act together in order to be able to parent our children properly. I am reading going “when do we get about my child?” But really it is touching my heart. My daughter has a thing with anger so I need to ask myself how to I react when she has done something wrong? Is my heart in the right place to be that leader and example she needs? So the title is fitting in two ways. You can’t give what you don’t have.

I can’t wait to keep reading. I think I finally found the answer I have been waiting for in order to turn my daughter off the track I can see her going down. She might be only two but with something like anger only gets bigger as they do. If I can help her now with it and help myself with it just imagine what life will be like when she gets older. Imagine the work God could do through her if something like this doesn’t get a chance to really take root in her as a child. I am so excited to get started.

Do you have a child that you have tried you feel like everything but nothing has worked? Why not give this one a try and let me know how your results are? We can start our own little support group because parenting isn’t easy. It’s the hardest thing that we can do but it is the most rewarding thing we could ever do.

So until next time, keep your head up and keep looking up. His grace is sufficient in all things.

Dear God,

Dear God,

I come before You a very sad person today. I know I shouldn’t be with everything You have given me lately but I am for a very specific reason. You see, my husband and I were all ready to get him snipped and I was totally happy only having one child. It has taken me six months to really, really be ok with it since I knew deep down I wanted at least one more child but it seemed like my daughter was going to be enough for us handle. Also the economy has been a little tough for young people so logistically it made sense too.

Only, that isn’t how I feel right now. I feel betrayed, lied to, led on and unloved. Here I thought that I was where you wanted me and now You for some reason You have let me go through the one thing that had me a train wreck six months ago. You made me think I was actually pregnant and this time the baby stuck. 18 days Lord! You let me go 18 days late! Only to lose it. My body was doing everything it needed to from making me miserable all day with pregnancy symptoms but it wasn’t enough.

But this isn’t the first time this has happened. This is the third time in a year You have let this happen! Why?! Why do You keep putting me through this? Have I not been faithful in other areas of life to only be let down again and again when I think You are going to bless? I can’t take it anymore! I want the agony to end. I want to either have a baby or never have these incidents again. I would rather go every month and just have a simple period with no pregnancy symptoms than to keep having this happen.

I know You are good. The Bible says so and that You love me but I don’t feel it right now with tears blurring my vision and my heart feeling like it has been ripped out of my chest, stomped on, and then inserted back in. I don’t want to be afraid but, as a human, I don’t want to keep doing things that keep hurting me. It’s not healthy and it’s not what You had planned.

I know I live in a fallen world and crap happens everyday but I am also told You hear our prayers. You have done so in every other area of my life. You blessed me with a car, a house and things to put in it. My husband and daughter are healthy and we are all finally back together under one roof, but then this had to happen.

I want to have been able to hold my angels, but I can’t because You took them from me. I know You will take good care of them but I am their mommy and I wanted to take care of them. I wanted to change their diapers and do the endless laundry due to spit up 24/7. I wanted to rock them to sleep and play peek-a-boo during the day. I  got to do it once with my daughter but I want to do it again. I want to have that feeling of them inside me moving around and doing their acrobatics that drive me nuts all night long. I wanted to go through the labor to get them here. I wanted to do it all, but wasn’t given the chance. I don’t know why but hopefully You will throw me a bone and give the Doctors an answer.

Because I want to praise You in the storm and the calm seas but I am getting tired, Lord. I am running out of tears and hope. I want to be used by You but I can’t if I am so drained I have nothing left to give. I see mommies with their little babies and my heart skips a beat one second but then plummets the next. I hate feeling this way Lord. Help me make the turn so I can go back to being a good mommy to the baby I have. She needs me and I can’t raise her hiding in my bedroom because I can’t tell another soul why it is we only have one child and see the look of disgust when I tell them anything but “I just can’t get pregnant again”.

So be with me now, Lord. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I am tired of trying and I am tired of hurting. I want to be strong but right now I am so weak. Help me find my way and lead me to where I am supposed to be.

Sincerely,

Your little Child

Two Weeks Without Internet

So we have been in our new house for two weeks and we have a funny story. So after a couple days we had our internet provider appointment and he came out to find that the cable to the house was bad and it needed to be replaced. He said the request would take up to seven days to be completed and then someone would be out the following week to hook us up.

Well a week went by and we didn’t know if the work had been done. So we called the number we were given by the installer. He didn’t return our calls for a couple of days and then came out of find out the work had been done the next day after the installer put in the work order. So we had been sitting waiting just to be hooked up and didn’t know it. The guy came out the next day and hooked us up which was greatly appreciated.

Ok, so maybe to some people that isn’t a funny story but with how the past few months have been, it wasn’t a huge surprise. But I learned something being disconnected from the rest of the world – I didn’t really miss it. Of course being that this blog, my books and my Etsy Shop are online run makes not having internet tricky, but overall I didn’t miss it much. I didn’t have the distractions that internet provides at my fingertips.

My house was quieter, we played with our daughter more, and my husband and I got to have some nice nights just talking. I could see us starting some “Unplug Days” in the future to make sure we are staying in touch with what is important. Being in the middle of pointless arguments on Facebook and Twitter is not the place to be. Playing with your kids, hanging out with family and friends, and being a part of a community is what really matters.

Looking to the Future

So a few months ago, I wrote a post saying we might have mold in our rental. Well we did and in the process lost 99% of our possessions. I went from having a fully furnished and probably overly furnished home with everything that anyone could need to having a week’s worth of clothes and a few toys for my daughter. Then on top of it our car’s AC died so we went from one car to no car in a matter of minutes. I was completely devastated. But God really showed His hand through it all.

First, we were blessed with a table and chairs. I know that may not sound like much but to us it was  a big deal. Then God provided us a way to actually buy a house this time instead of having to rent again. After that, people started coming out of the wood work to donate items that we needed to us.

People were giving us simple stuff like bath towels to the big stuff like couches and furniture. Our new home was furnished before we even signed the papers. And God provided us a way through a gracious Uncle to buy a 2006 Toyota Matrix which is a huge upgrade from our 1997 Honda Accord. It was truly like a Hallmark movie where the poor family is left out in the rain and the mean management company ends up looking like idiots. It really did. We still haven’t gotten any compensation from them but God will work that out too. We are taking all necessary action to make sure what happened to us won’t happen to another family.

But now we are in our new place and we are so excited to see how God works things out in the future. Our house is the perfect little starter home which we and our daughter love. She is so excited to have some stability in her life. Grandma and Grandpa were awesome but there still is no place like home for a little girl.

If you are going through a tough season know that God does care about you. I know there were many things in this storm that I felt that God had just left me to my despair but that wasn’t true. It was just a lie that the enemy was trying to sell and I almost bought. If it wasn’t for some very strong Christian women in my life I would have pulled out my money and taken the lie to heart.

And if you don’t have a woman or man in your life right now then I will be it. Don’t you dare let Satan steal your joy and your peace! God loves you vey much and He is working this all out for your good! No matter what the storm is like outside, stay in the boat with Jesus and He will take you to the other side. Don’t lose hope and don’t forsake your God for the only other option is to drown. We can’t do anything on our own. We need Jesus and He is here for us.

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Mark 4:37-40

37 And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. 38 But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” 39 And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40 He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?”

These verses were my mindset perfectly. Are they your’s or do you have the faith to sail to the other side without fear? Maybe next time I will do better with my faith as I cross the sea with Jesus.

Just Trying to Chill Out

As a parent, there are those times where you really need a break and it seems like those are the days that your child is the worst to be around. Think I am crazy? If you are a parent, you know what I am talking about. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter. I wouldn’t trade her for all the yarn in the world but there are times where we need a break from each other. This weekend is one of those weekends.

Why do you say? Because our living situation has been such that she and I are around each other all the time with no male support to go with it. Where is my husband? Due to some things with our past rental and waiting for our house to close… Oh and we have only one car, he has been living with a very gracious co-worker and I have been living with my parents. Now, my parents have been a BIG help but it is different not having my husband around to be my daughter’s strong male figure. She loves her grandpa and he adores her but there isn’t the same level of respect as there is with her father. I don’t get why I can tell her one thing ten times and she still ignores me but her father says it once and she listens. Annoys the heck out of me but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So when we are together on the weekends as a family my husband has been really trying to step up an help since he knows that I am doing the parent thing on my own. Like right now, I am getting to blog for the first time in days because he has taken her to the park. My lack of blogging is not because I don’t have anything to say but rather I have chasing a two year old around trying to keep her from hurting herself. Some day I hope she finally gets that there such a thing called gravity.

In conclusion, I really do love my husband and miss him while he gone during the week. It makes me appreciate those who do this all the time and not just for a couple months. I don’t know how you do it to be honest. I am at my wits end most days dealing with all the stress I have been going through and raising my daughter. Soon though we will get to be together as a family again under the same roof. 25 Days and we get to move into our new house 🙂

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How I feel I look at the end of most days right now LOL 🙂