If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you know that we are a couple with secondary infertility due to chromosomal abnormalities to any embryo that is conceived and we decided to have my husband have a vasectomy as a permanent way to end our suffering. I am not going to lie that it was not the easiest thing for either of us to go through but it was the best thing. So I am going to tell you about our experience and some tips that we learned along the way.
First, make sure your doctor has the experience. I know the only way for a young doc to get experience is by doing but these are your balls for heaven’s sake so make sure the guy (or gal) knows what they are doing. My husband got a great doctor who was the most requested we found out, but we were just blessed to get placed with him.
For the ladies, I hate to tell you that they probably won’t let you go back with your husband. I had to wait in the lobby for an hour since I couldn’t go back with him. I hated it, but my husband said it was a good thing. He said that my mama bear side would have come out if I saw the doctor messing with his junk and searing his vans after snipping them a part. So I would suggest you just take a book and take the time to relax because, once you get home, you will have a full grown baby on your hands.
Now, my husband is not a wimp and he will tell you that this knocked him on his butt. It did hurt for the first couple of days a lot more than he thought. I have never seen him on so much pain killer, but, after we learned these tricks, things got better.
Support! Guys, you need something more supportive than your boxer briefs. My husband thought it would be and he was very much wrong. A cup would work, but he realized it would be hard to ice with it on. So what we did was just bundle up a small bunch of gauze (like the size of your ball sack) and place it BEHIND your balls. That will push them forward and take the pressure off making them hang while they are very angry at you.
Ice! Ice was crucial to my husband’s recovery. But he couldn’t get it himself. So make sure for the first four days that there is someone home to get the ice for your man every twenty minutes. I would give him twenty minutes on and twenty minutes off. It was tedious, but it got my husband out of bed quicker.
Some kind of essential oil like lavender to help with bruising, and keeping the incision clean. Now I will say here that there is “no medical backing” behind this since it’s natural so ask your doctor first. But I used it and it helped. So do your homework on it but it’s just a tip. Everyone is different. But ladies you are going to want to get something for your man because he will hardly be able to walk to the bathroom alone let alone shower for the first four days. Then, when he was able, I had to be there to help him shower since he had to hold his balls to keep them from hanging. I’ll be honest and say that my husband couldn’t stand naked without holding his balls for about two weeks, but after day four he got pretty good and showering one handed. So something for smell is a good idea, but it doesn’t hurt if it will help his recovery too.
Have the kids out of the house for the first two days. This is because you as the wife will have enough on your plate with your laid up husband and your husband doesn’t need kiddos jumping on him as soon as he gets home. Hit up friends and grandparents to take the kids. Trust me. This is the best tip. I was so tired after that first day that I did really need the second day to just relax and watch movies next to my husband in between getting him ice every twenty minutes.
And finally, try to make it fun. Talk about your sex life after the vasectomy is healed and how worth it is. Because, after about one hour, your husband will be thinking he made the worst decision in his life. It will be up to you ladies to keep his eyes on the prize of being able to have all the hot sex you want without birth control. No more condoms, pills, schedules, thermometers, sponges, or the horrible pulling out at ejaculation. Until he is on his feet, he will need a reason for why he did this and it is up you ladies to do that.
So there are my tips. It might sound horrible to go through but it is so worth it. Our sex life has never been better since we got the final all clear that it was a success. We now can live our lives without the stress of losing another baby and can enjoy the perfect little one we have now. So if you are considering a vasectomy, I would say go for it. It is well worth the few days of pain and inconvenience. Because I don’t know about you but it’s way better all natural and even better when the bullets are all blank.
Tis the season. It seems like right now everyone I have on Facebook in childbearing years is either preggers or just had a baby. Good for them really, but it still stings a little the closer to when I should have had my baby. I should be able to be in the same club, but I am not and I won’t be again. I want to cry whenever I see people comment on the announcements that so-in-so will make a great brother/sister since my daughter would have made a good one too. I just have to keep scrolling or I will go into a depression and anger of why God has made it that we can’t another healthy baby.
He is the one that gives life, but not to us. He has given us one healthy daughter, but He won’t give her a healthy sibling. Everyone else gets to have one for their kid, but I don’t and it’s a sore spot with me with God. Now I am not going to walk away from Him or anything, but it’s a sore spot. We are a wonderful home for a baby and we can’t have a baby meanwhile some girl goes for a one night stand and gets knocked up and pops out (if the baby is lucky) a healthy kid. Why? I wish I knew, but I can only trust that for some reason we are meant to parent a singleton instead of the two or more my husband and I planned to have.
But this post is about how to deal with those announcements and not go crazy.
Admit that you are not yet healed and give yourself a break. It can take years to get over the fact that you won’t be able to have more kids, and if you still get upset when you see a pregnancy announcement, then you are not done healing.
This might sound harsh but, if you aren’t close to the person, you can ignore it. You are not obligated to like or comment on a person’s announcement. You can just check it in your heart that you are happy for them and keep scrolling.
Go spend time with the kids you have (even if it’s a four legged one). Not being able to have more or any kids shouldn’t take away your joy for what you do have. And don’t count out pets because they are family too. If you can’t have kids and your baby is your dog or cat, go play with them and get a smile on your face.
Spend time with your husband. He has these moments just like you do but men hold it in differently than women do. We tend to wear our pain on our sleeves and men bury it. Spend time together and talk about your infertility. The more it’s treated like a giant elephant that no one can talk about the odder it becomes.
Go for a walk. Because it’s the best medicine to clear your head.
Pray. I know how hard it is to have a relationship with God after losing babies and having to make the tough decision of not trying anymore. You feel betrayed and deserted, but it isn’t true. It’s not because God doesn’t love you that you can’t have a baby, and He is the only one besides your husband that truly understands your pain so pray and keep talking with Him.
And finally, look to the future. Your infertility is in the past, and you have your whole future ahead of you.
I hope this has helped you. I am still going down the road to recovery and I will be kind of glad when my generation is done having kids so I don’t feel left out anymore.
Leave a comment and let me know how you are doing on your journey.
Emma did the cutest thing today. She has this baby doll that she loves named Bailey. She is originally Emma’s potty doll but she has turned into her best friend. Bailey tends to go every where with us. But today she did something that made me smile and my heart ache.
We were sitting down for lunch and she insisted that Bailey join us. I remember doing that as a child with my little Simba so I told her that’s fine and we began to eat. I noticed that Emma was putting some of her Mac and Cheese off to the side and she was mumbling something to Bailey. I listened closer and she was saying, “There Baywee. It’s nummy. mmmm… dewishous.” (bad grammar to match Emma’s pronunciation.)
That’s what made me smile and a little sad at the same time. She was treating her doll as if she was real. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I have caught her her rocking Bailey to sleep and taking her potty on the big girl potty. She is such a good little mommy. But I am worried it is because she wants a sibling. She stares at sisters whenever we go to the store and she is drawn to movies and shows that emphasis the sister bond.
What if I can’t give her one? Will she feel left out? Will her life be less fulfilled than that of her friends with siblings? I know the answer to everyone of those questions but the truth it whether or not I will listen to it or the lie. That is the important part.
When your child wants a sibling I know it can be heart breaking when you have tried and God has not blessed. I haven’t had her ask directly yet “Mommy, why don’t I have siblings like my friend ___?” And I am not looking forward to it.
I had a break down a couple weeks ago thinking about this very thing. I texted my sister telling her that I don’t know how I am going to make God look good in all of this to Emma when she can start asking those kinds of questions. My only thought was “Well honey, God only wanted to give you for us to raise. He didn’t see fit to give you a sibling”. Pretty horrible right? But this is what my wiser (younger) sister replied with, “No you tell her that I wasn’t supposed to have kids and God was so gracious and gave us you! Can you believe that? Isn’t He good? Then He told me to be happy where I was and mommy loved being your mommy so much that I was ok with just having you”.
Pretty crazy right? And did I mention my sister is only 22 years old? Where did she get to be so much wiser than me in this growing up adventure? So when your child starts to ask for another baby and it isn’t possible, try to remember that God has already given you a very special gift already. I can’t lose sight of that as I am getting closer to finding out if I will be able to give my daughter and brother or sister or if I will have to have this serious sit down talk with her in the future.
If there is anything you would like to add, feel free to leave it in the comments! Have a blessed day!
So this morning I got a nice surprise. I woke up with absolutely no voice. None. Couldn’t even say good morning to my daughter and husband since it is so bad. I haven’t felt very good the last week but I figured it is because I am detoxing from all the crap my body has gone through.
Well this tops it all. Nothing is worse than having a two year old daughter and no voice. So my husband took another day off work so I can rest. Hopefully my voice will come back as the day goes on 🙂 All I know is that I have been doing charades all day trying to communicate with my family besides texting them with them standing right in front of me. I feel like Ariel when she is trying to communicate with Eric but she just looks like she is flailing her arms about like an idiot.
But the good thing is that my husband is taking my daughter out for the day and I actually get to rest. Have a happy Thursday! 🙂
So things have been really crazy this week. We had to leave the house dur to my husband and daughter having breathing trouble and have been in a hotel or with family the past four nights. I’ll give a full report later but know that I am still here but life is just really nuts. Still waiting for a mold test and, until then we can’t move forward. Continued prayers for wisdom would be appreciated 🙂
I am so happy – I get to be discarded from the hospital after a wonderful 4 day stay! I am so ready to go home and be in my own bed. This whole fight round with my asthma and pneumonia have been tough. I would rather give birth to my daughter again any day of the week and that was a long, hard 25 hours. But at least I got a prize in the end. This time I just get to take home an oxygen tank.
I can’t remember being knocked down this hard. I’ve dealt with disastrous duo since I was 9 years old but it seemed like they weren’t so big back then since this my first being hospitalized for it since my initial diagnosis 15 years ago. Then, like a sleeping two headed dragon, my symptoms went dormant for about 8 years and that’s when I thought I had beat them. I had been doing my meds and lifestyle requirements to stay controlled but I guess they just went into their own type of training. As my lungs got stronger, they knew they had to get stronger, but, seeing that I was still in control and keeping my fitness up, there would have to be something really big to bring me down.
And boy did they find it! I have a pretty consistent trigger and had my doctor write a note instructing it to be tested and, if confirmed, taken care of. It is my greatest weakness. It was the catalyst that made me so sick to begin with and 99% of the time the reason for an asthma attack. My foes found their weapon and they used it. With the slightest of ease they took me down and now I lay here “bleeding” unable to fight back on my own. I have never felt so helpless.
I have been humbled to the point that I have had to wear women’s depends because coughing incontinence has joined the party, my O2 levels won’t stay elevated so I have to put on oxygen at the hospital and at home, I can’t walk to the bathroom and back without losing my breath, and I’m so fatigued I couldn’t do basic math even if I wanted to. My foes got me but that’s it. They have ravished my body and left me weak but that’s it. What they haven’t taken away is my fight and inner strength.
My Jesus has been here with me the whole time and He is giving me the strength to fight back against my foes and fight to keep them locked away. I have sword in my hand and have my war call ready. My foes better watch out. If there is one thing about me is that I will fight until the end. I will never give up and I will never surrender. But right now, it’s time for a nap.
Do you have a foe you are fighting? It may not be like mine and could be worse than mine. The thing is that we all need support. Feel free to comment below and let us fight together.
My last post was about my last asthma attack but that wasn’t the end of the story. I went home and tried to treat it myself again. I did my best but I ended back in ER on Wednesday. This time I got a couple breathing treatments and was sent back home.
Nothing was helping and Friday morning I was back in the ER and admitted by the afternoon because I have pneumonia and I needed IV treatments with steroids and antibiotics. So I’m here watching Animal Planet and trying to get better.
What keeps happening is that I can get my lungs to a certain point and then they won’t open up anymore. So I’m working on it and have a great prayer support team so I am going to be OK. It’s what I’m learning spiritually is what is surprising.
I normally go into these things with a woe is thing but I haven’t yet. I’m at peace actually. I know God’s got me in His hands and I’m sitting on His lap with my head buried in His chest. I just need to relax and get better 🙂