Learning How to Let Go and Trust God

Right now God is really testing me to see how I react to certain situations. Sadly, I am sure that I am failing. I know how I should react but that is not the way I have been reacting. Proverbs 15:1 says “ A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” I wish my first reaction to trials are soft words but more than likely they are harsh and full of unneeded emotion. The only good thing is that normally it is not directed at my husband. He is actually my sounding board and guide on how to look at the situation differently.

How do I change this? Well a lot of it comes with maturity. I am on the my early twenties and have a lot to learn so maturity is something that is still coming day by day. There are some areas that I am mature in and nothing can shake me, but then there are others that my leaves will fall off if someone sneezes by me. Right now, we are in a season that is sneezing my leaves off. I was strong in the beginning but now that it has been a few weeks with not much progress, I am starting to fade. I am starting to become mad at God for not fixing this thing in our path even though He isn’t the one that put it there.

I need to remember to be mad at the right person. Satan is the one attacking us, not God. God is allowing it because, for some reason, it works into His greater plan for us. He knows our lying downs and uprisings. He knows when a flower withers and feeds the sparrows everyday. He made the world in six days and I know He holds mine in place. I am not too little for God to notice me. I am His child and I need to trust Him.

So I will continue on even though this afternoon all I wanted to do was walk into the woods and never come back. I am overwhelmed and I am trying to keep it as a burden on my shoulders. I am trying to give it over to God and not take it back up. I am human though and I like to have control, but that’s not how this works. I must trust and then listen and then obey.

Lord, please give the grace to do so. 🙂

House Buying Trouble

So we are moving out of our rental and looking to buy a house instead of renting again. The good news is that we can afford and got pre-approved for financing. The problem? We keep getting outbid by Bay Area investors with their cash offers. Why is this even more frustrating? These investors more than likely will not move into the homes. They flip them and sell them again. So they buy up the homes that young families like mine can afford and then flip them to make them outrageously expensive.

It’s really the cause for the crazy housing prices in Northern California and why young families are having such a hard time getting a start. And for everyone not in California, the Bay Area (San Fran, Berkley and so on) is NOT Northern California. There’s Northern California, the Bay Area, and Southern California. So don’t let anyone tell you different 🙂

So now that that is taken care of, back to the housing issue. Since we are having such a hard time finding a house, we are going to have to rent again somewhere but it has to have the option of month to month which is almost as impossible as buying a house. So we are in a sticky situation.

Now I know you are probably wondering, then where have you been living? I have been living with my parents with my tow year old and my husband has been with co-workers. We have been doing this for two weeks. I am not sure what God is doing right now. I know He is doing something but right now I can’t see is but I know it has be something for our good. Otherwise this is all for nothing. So We are just praying for guidance and grace as we continue moving on down this journey. 🙂

 

Praising God for Strong Willed Children

It’s funny. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had all these dreams and hopes of the person my daughter was going to be. I thought about all the pictures we would drawn and all the hide and seek games we would engage in. It was going to be perfect. There was just one thing that I didn’t think of. My cute, perfect daughter having a mind of her own.

Trust me, it’s not like I wanted a robot but my daughter’s personality is one that is a bit of a challenge for me. She is a super strong willed and stubborn child who makes the most simple requests (like don’t touch the blinds) into a big deal with yelling, screaming and me having to discipline her. If it was me as a child, the simple warning would have been enough. No not my child. For example with the blind, I simply asked her not to touch them. There was no yelling on my part or anything like that. I just asked her not to touch them. What did she do? She ran right back over to the blinds with her little hands behind her back and touched it with her toe. I then rolled my eyes because now this was going to be a fight that really didn’t mean anything except that she wanted to show that she was in charge.

So I gave her a little discipline and told her what would happen if she didn’t it again. This time she ran back to the blinds and put her hands behind her back. I was praying that she wouldn’t do it. I didn’t want to follow through on what I said but these acts of defiance have been getting worse so I have had to change my tactics with her. Sure enough, she didn’t touch it with her hand or foot, but rather she leaned forward and touched it with her nose. Now I had to do something. This wasn’t just a two year who didn’t know they were doing. She knew full well what the command was and twice disobeyed it.

After we had a discussion in her bedroom about her actions and why mommy was having to do what she was about to do because mommy loved her, we came out and I prayed that was the end of it. Nope! Now it seemed my child was on a mission more than ever to do everything opposite of what I said. And, in the end, there was a blind casualty. Half hour after the whole thing started, and many more timeouts and such later, she gave in and stopped touching the blinds.

I don’t get her mind set. I am an oldest so I like to follow the rules and do as I am told so that I don’t get in trouble. Technically my daughter is an oldest but not really – she is an only child. They are a whole new breed. I keep reading books on strong willed children and some things help but other things are a total waste of time.

Now you are probably thinking – she said that we need to praise God for strong willed children? And it is true! I do praise God for my child’s personality. It may not be a lot of fun to raise at times but it has  its good points too. My daughter is confident in herself, she can stand up for herself, and she can provide for herself. All of these traits will come in handy later in life as she goes into the real world and grows into an adult. My job is to whiled that strong will for good and not evil. Some days I know I do a terrible job and have totally missed the mark. There have been days I am so frustrated that I have my own tantrum in the living room while my daughter is having hers. There have been days where I have not shown my daughter the love of Jesus because I yelled and screamed at her out of frustration.

The point though is that this isn’t all there is meant to be in parenting strong willed children. My sister was one of these children that would make her life goal to drive my mother insane. I lost count of how many spankings she would get and it seemed to drive her up and not down. My poor mom didn’t know what to do, and, then a miracle happened, my sister turned into this wonderful adult. How did that happen? We don’t really know sometimes because it didn’t seem like she was taking any of my mom’s direction to heart but she was. And I have pray that my daughter is too.

It’s not all bad. Some times she can go a couple of days without an episode but when she has one right now it can last an hour. But we have so much fun otherwise. Now that she will be two in a couple of days, there’s so many things that she can do now that makes life fun. She is talking more and that is making life easier too. There is a lot of good! I just have to hold onto to those good times when we are in a season of not so good times. And some day, I will get to see the fruit of my labor. She will be a well rounded adult and society will get to see her fire as she goes on to do great things.

Do you have a little fire ball? Feel free to comment below on things you have done to direct them in the way they should go 🙂

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Almost two and she climbed all the way up there by herself. She really is amazing!

It Isn’t About the Bunny

Happy Easter everyone! For some it’s just a holiday that’s full of candy and fun. If you go back to ancient times you will learn what the bunnies and chicks really stand for and it’s not kid friendly. But for me, Easter (really Passover) is much more than that.

It’s the time that Jesus changed the game. He died on the cross for my sins. He went through the horror of the unfair trial, the beating, being separated from the Father, and finally giving up the ghost all for me. He knew I would be born two 1958 years later and to Him it was worth it. Wow! I still can’t believe the depths of that sometimes.

He is my Savior and my King and I can’t wait for him to come back. There’s more signs that is getting close and I’m excited. I want to meet my Savior. I want to see my Jesus face to face.

I hope you have a nice Easter and God bless!

Should Have Been More Specific

I remember when my husband and I were dating and started talking about how many kids we wanted. I wanted two and he wanted four. I thought he was crazy but his number never faltered even after getting married. Well I got to thinking about it because God has already blessed us with four kids. Just one has made it to earth.

I guess my husband should have been more specific with God. I mean He gave us a fireball so we have our hands full so that isn’t an issue. It would have been nice to have met our three babies in heaven though. And there’s a strong possibility a fourth child will be joining them. We haven’t been trying  but that doesn’t mean we were 100% perfect with our birth control method and we slipped up twice. It looks like it was enough. I have been having my symptoms again (this time I’m actually 21 days late) but took a test and it was negative. Emailed my doctor and I’m having a pregnancy test done today.

We had decided to stop trying to avoid the pain of another loss. I guess God has other plans. It’s not that He wants me and my husband to suffer but there must be something for us to learn still. I don’t know what it is and I hate having to learn lessons this way but I am God’s servant and His Grace will be sufficient. If I lose this baby too then I will work through it but if He dose give us a miracle that would be great. Any prayers would be appreciated for which way this goes.

God bless!

Don’t Forget to Spring Forward, Kill the Cricket and Change the Filter

I can’t believe that it’s that time of year again. Daylight Savings Time. Never really understood the modern day purpose for it except for either making me late to church or super early if I forgot to change my clock. Thankfully cell phones have made this easier since they change automatically but still. Waking up to you coffee maker “not working” isn’t a good way to start the day.

Since being out on my own, I also learnedthere are two other things you  are supposed to change as well – the smoke detector battery and the AC filter. With all the sickness in our house lately, my dad did the filter for me but, the other night, the smoke detector got to remind me.

It was 2am onTuesday. I had finally had my fever get low enough that I was able to sleep. And it was such a good sleep when I heard the chirping begin. I couldn’t believe it! I haven’t had a good night sleep in days and, with my daughter staying with my parents, I had the chance to get someuch needed sleep.

Well needless to say, I had to get up and take out the battery since we didn’t have any 9 volts lying around and swore I would go to the store at a decent hour. Only thing was the chirping continued. I thought I only had one detector in the house but actually we have three. So it was the best night for them to die because one of them is in my daughter’s room and, if she was home, would have made for an unpleasant experience. She would have been up for hours after being woken up like that.

So I took them all down and swore to go in the morning to get batteries and went back to bed. I did go in the morning to the store and all three detectors are back where they belong and my daughter was able to come home Tuesday night after spending a long time away from us.

So with this strange tradition that doesn’t make a ton of sense these days, if you have Daylight Savings, it is up again this Sunday. Good luck and hopefully it won’t mess up your coffee 🙂

 

God’s Not Done With Me Yet

I have always been told that unless it’s your time to die, nothing can happen to you. That God has Hid hand of protection over you and He won’t let anything happen to you unless He is done with you. Is this true? Well the apostles would surely say so. They went through hell and back with the many times that people tried to kill them. I mean John was boiled in oil! How do you survive being boiled in oil unless God had His hand over you and still has work for you to do?

So then I started thinking about my life (since I have been through a good amount but not as much as others) and about all the times that should have died. I almost wasn’t born that is how much satan has tried to bump me off. Then I almost died from liver failure as an infant, I was diagnosed (I should say misdiagnosed) with spinal meningitis when I was 9, suffered from many falls from horses, was abused by a boyfriend,  was misdiagnosed with leukemia, and would have died in child birth if it wasn’t for our awesome first world medical treatment. Hmmm… Why does satan want me dead so badly? He has tried many times and failed. I am just a lowly human who has no power right?

Oh you couldn’t be more wrong. Yes, I am human and yes I have no power in myself, but I have power through Jesus Christ to do things that simply scare the crap out of the devil. Me waking up every morning puts fear into his heart because I can mess up his plans with just the slightest act of kindness to a stranger. I am spreading to the love of Jesus everywhere I go and satan hates that.

He doesn’t want to have the love of God spread and preached throughout the world. He wants the world to stay in darkness and chaos. It a chess match that he shifted the weight too much to his side and he thinks we can’t win. But we can keep our king alive through the power of our King – Jesus Christ.

It is kind of like a game of chess. Jesus is the ultimate chess piece that trumps all the pieces. He can come in a wipe satan off the board and claim victory, but He uses little pawns and rooks and his knights to do it instead so at the very end end He will have the victory. Jesus is coming but right now his little pawns are out there with a few rooks coming in help the pawns and the knights to help them and the queen (Holy Spirit) to help with all. Yes each pawn will perish but the King has the final say.

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So if you are going through some hard stuff, see it as a blessing and not a curse. It just means  that satan is really afraid of you because you are meant to do great things for God, and I can’t think of anything better than to have little old satan afraid of me.