Why Won’t My Kids Listen?

Have you ever said the title line before your kids? I know I have said that about my daughter too many times that I have lost count. She can make me so mad at times that I would buy her a toy if she would just listen to me. Have you ever been in your bathroom crying, begging God to change your child’s heart so that they will listen? That they know that you have what is best for them in mind? That even though you say no as a parent for their good because you know there is something better right around the corner?

Wait.

I have to say I was there but did you notice something about what you were asking God to do for you with your kid? Aren’t those the same things He says to us? Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths”. Let’s now say in a way that might be easier to recognize.

“Billy, please listen to me. I know what is best for you even if you don’t see it right now. If you will just be patient we have something really awesome happening tomorrow and I can’t wait to show you.”

Now that sounds familiar doesn’t it. When I realized that I sound the way to God how my three year old sounds to me, I felt a little sick. I am an adult. I don’t throw tantrums anymore.

“Really?” I heard my inner voice say. “What did you just do yesterday when you didn’t get the news about your house that you wanted yesterday?”

“Uh.” I uttered internally trying to find an answer.

“See! you are no better than that little girl you are hiding in the bathroom from. She just wants to spend time with you, and, unlike God she can’t see you right now.”

So I wiped my eyes, got off the toilet and went back out there with my beautiful little girl. Because I realized that I was still a child in God’s eyes. I might be a grown adult in the world’s eyes but I am still very young in my faith. I have a lot of work to do so that I can be like the mature women of God I look up to, and I was not going to do that on my bathroom floor. I wasn’t going to do it blaming God for not giving me what I wanted and throwing a tantrum like my daughter had done for the twentieth time that day that had forced me into the bathroom to begin with.

What was I going to do? I have to say that I understand God in a whole new way after becoming a parent. I see myself as a youngster trying to please my heavenly father and getting upset when He says no. I am no different in how I talk sometimes to my God like my daughter talks to me. I yell and scream at Him because I don’t think He is being fair. Why do they have all the “blessings” and I don’t?

“Have you ever thought that you aren’t ready for them yet?” I heard my inner voice say as I starred at my daughter.

“Just like she isn’t ready to have chocolate right before bed. I wouldn’t be good for her.”

“Right, but tomorrow it will make a good treat and she will appreciate it then because she had to wait.”

“I don’t wait well.” A tear slid down my eye. “I don’t think it is fair how God works things that the faithful are not blessed but those who don’t do His will are.”

“I know, but you will see how it all works out in the end. He is still a good Father. He provides everything you need right now, and when you get the rest, you will rejoice even more than you would right now.”

I then felt a peace come over me. I knew that I would never not have another tantrum but I knew that I understood why God did the things He did better. He is looking out for me in ways I will never know just like I do for my daughter. One day she will thank me for all the hard work it was to raise her, but until then I will have to wait. I will have to wait on God as He reveals His plan step by step.

So I pray that you will be there right beside praying for maturity in Christ to handle the ups and downs of life. I pray for you to have a peace about where you are right now and that you will listen to the voice of God. He is there for you and He will never leave you. He is a good Father.

What to Do When You are Stuck?

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      Have you ever felt stuck before? I have. It’s not a fun feeling. You see what you want or where you want o go but your feet are cemented to the ground. You can’t move no matter how hard you try. It’s called a holding pattern in some groups. To me, it’s called torture. I have been working for some time to unstuck, but there is one thing that has me where I am. It isn’t God’s timing for me to move. He wants me right where He has me no matter how much I was to protest.

        How can I so easily say that? Because I have found that no matter how I try to make something happen, if it’s not what God wants, it’s not going to happen. Sometimes being stuck is just God saying “no” yet we persist to actually be running into a wall instead of not moving at all. To me that is worse since I don’t like be hurt and bruised due to my own will.

        I can recall a time where this happened though so don’t think you are alone. My husband and I have been wanting to move to a better state for many years now (we live in California and you can see why we want to leave), but the doors have never opened. Even though we think that we should have been able to move years ago, God set out His answer of “no”. I hated it since I hate many things that go on in the state I live. I wanted to move some where that agreed with at least the majority of the laws and the government had brains. But whatever. I tried to push my way through with my husband putting out over fifty applications to many states trying to find a job so we could move.

         After doing that for about six months, I gave up. Said “God, I guess we are not moving, so there”. I then went on my merry way as long as I didn’t watch the news or paid attention to the things that were being passed by the California legislators.

        Then we tried again and the answer was still no and I was getting really annoyed. But I just kept going with it since God had opened other doors in California for us. That was when this hurricane season hit. The main area we were trying to move to was Houston Texas. I wanted to move there so bad because, for the price of our house, we could practically buy wherever we wanted in Houston. It would have solved all our problems. Or would it? The area we were looking has now been destroyed and damaged by the hurricane. That would have been us swimming to safety from the home that we would have fought God so hard for. It would have been a disaster.

          So if I kept ramming the wall to move out of state, I probably would have made it, but would it have really been the answer? Yes, I am not a fan of the politics in California but at least my house wasn’t flooded and we didn’t lose everything. I still have my family nearby and we would have been on our own if we had moved. It wasn’t God’s best for us, and I am thankful for that.

         I guess what I am trying to say is that, if you feel stuck, it actually is for your best. It means that you can go a hurt yourself worse. It is a way that God can protect you just like a parent grabs their kid’s arm so they won’t run into the street. All you see as God’s child is the toy or park you want to go play with on the other side but God as your good Father sees the cars and the dangers around you. It is His job to protect His kids and sometimes we are not going to like the answer He gives us. I know I don’t sometimes, but when I look back, I can see it was for my good.

          So my prayer is that you will look around and see what God might be protecting you from. And, when the time is right, everything you are desiring will fall into place.

 

Where is She Going With This?

   Is it just me or does everyone around you seem like they have their life in order? Like the blessings just keep falling on them even though according to your tally sheet they shouldn’t? I know that is me right now and I am not even too proud to say I’m​ jealous of it. I know I shouldn’t be but there is that sting of seeing someone not live for God and have everything they want while my husband and I work hard and struggle to get back to where we were before the horrific year of 2016 happened. We live pay check to pay check and others seem to have so much money they don’t know what to do with it. I know exactly what they can do with it, but no one ever seems to offer.

   I happen to know quite a few people who could completely change our financial picture and they wouldn’t even notice the money was gone. It would mean everything to us but they just might have to actually write it down in an accountant book. But no one offers. No says “hey, I know you guys have really tried your best to get back what you lost. What is the amount you need to pay off the debt you have now due to your huge loss last year?”

   Now granted that people have offered us things and time which I am EXTREMELY thankful for because it would have put us farther in debt of we had to purchase those things too. One thing I do know is that if one more person says “oh, I’ll pray that the money issues work out for you” I am going to scream. Maybe you are the person God wants to use to bless us and you are refusing to do what He asks?

   Now this isn’t a plea for money (even though my dream is to receive a donation for our debt but let’s get real) but rather a post to open your eyes to those around you. I know that if I had the money to spend and knew the family was truly under a hard time and not habit then I would write them a check to help if not wipe out their debt. I would want to share the love and compassion in the aspect that so far hasn’t been extended to us. Maybe that’s why God keeps not blessing us right now in being able to pay off debt and rather just keeps laying down more issues in our lap? Our A/C died day two of the giant heat wave hitting the west coast so that’s really enjoyable at the moment with a toddler.

   Once again my husband and I are living separately with me at my wonderful wonderful parents and he’s home and getting rides from a wonderful wonderful friend to work so I can have our one car. It’s just another summer of hard life.

  So what is my point? Am I a victim? No since I can’t stand that mentality. What I am saying is that I am an example. There are others around you who could really use that spare cash burning a hole in your pocket. That is what Christians are supposed to do with loving their neighbor is help them out however they need and, if you can help someone, you should. You not only will be helping a family who will be thankful forever but you will be helping yourself in knowing you are showing what the hand and feet of Jesus look like.

  All in all be generous. Love your fellow brothers or sisters in Christ. You will actually reap the benefit more then they will. God bless 🙂

As We Grow As a Couple

Do you feel stuck where you are in your relationship with your spouse? Does it feel like you are still in the same place maybe financially like you were when you got married? I have to say that lately that has been the case for me. I look at our budget and think “man things looked better when we were first married and poor”. But were they?

When we pulled into church yesterday, I saw a cute couple cuddling in the guy’s car. They weren’t being inappropriate or anything. The girl was just leaning on the guy’s shoulder and he had his arm around her. It was actually really cute and reminded me of how my husband and I were when we were dating and first married.

The car the couple was in was older than me but they were happy. It got me thinking because when my husband and I got married, church mice were richer. We both worked but we were still in school and making minimum wage. (Depending on when and where you are reading this, that would be $9-$10/hour at the time.) We lived in the lower area of town and literally lived on love and kisses. Just like that couple was right now unless they are still living at home and then they don’t quite know what the real world is like.

Sometimes I still feel like that woman who is in the old car with nothing but my husband’s and mine’s dreams to keep the wheels turning, but am I still there? No. I am a home owner, we have a car with a 1 in front number of its age, we have a child, and he is now making more than double what he was when I met him. So why do I feel stuck?

Because honestly life sucks. We got dealt a really rough hand last year and we still haven’t recovered. We are still paying off debt that has happened and we will probably until next summer, but does that mean we are stuck? I hope not. Is it easy? No. We were setup how we were supposed to be financially until last year and now it has been blown to you know where. Will we get back there? Yes. I have hope we will.

How do I know that? Because we are not the same kids sitting in that old car living off love. We have experience now to where we can actually be the ones to give advice and encouragement. We have been through many things already and we still have many more in the future. It was just a nice reminder for me to see where we used to be so that I can see what I have now and be thankful for it.

Is it exactly what I want? No. Am I living in the area I really want to be in or have two cars like everyone else? No, but now that I have finally gone back to school I have a reason to power through it. I have a goal that I want to meet and it will keep me motivated along side remembering where we have come from.

Do you have some wisdom that you need to share about life and sticking with it? If so, feel free to comment below. I would love to hear from you.

Old Habits Come in “Handy”

   Hello everyone! I hope you are all well. I have to say that my morning didn’t start off like I had planned to spend the day. I had planned to wake up, drive hubby to work (we only have one car), come home, have college mentor call, spend time with my mother in law, go get hubby, drop off child with other grandma, go to hubby’s appointment and then spend the rest of the day relaxing at home with him. Well now my day is going – take hubby to work, sit at gym for two hours, figure out something else to do for two hours, go get him and then my day will go as planned.

   Why might you ask? Because I have zero voice. I can barley talk above a whisper if that. Yeah, talk about a set back. But the funny part is that I am using a skill that I haven’t used for some time. The skill is my sign language I originally went to college for. I mean I am rusty as heck but it’s coming back rather quickly. My hubby though is even rustier so finger spelling pretty much how we are talking right now. It’s rather amusing actually.

   But there is one thing that it showed me, It showed me how much I do love ASL. I love the flow and beauty of it. It’s fun to insult people too without their knowledge but you really should never do that. I know a language that many people don’t and I love it. I am only one class shy of the AA at my junior college so I should go back and finish it. I didn’t take it because I transferred to a CSUS and I didn’t want to take the class twice. Now I wish I did. Oh well, when I get a chance with getting my teacher’s credentials I’ll have to go back and take that last class. I think it would look good with it so that I can be teacher with a charter school and be able to work with Deaf kids and families. That would be so amazing, It wouldn’t be the interpreter job I originally wanted but it is a pretty close second.

   So if you have a skill that you thought has gone stale, maybe it is time to bring it back out. Maybe you can play an instrument? Why not tickle the ivories or strum the strings? Can you draw or paint? Pull out the canvas or paper and do a beautiful work of art. How about that novel you said you would publish someday? With Kindle and Create Space you can for free. Whatever it is, do it. It’s never too late to follow a dream you think has died.

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Being a Martha and Married to a Mary

Ok, I will assure you all that the title is just a figure of speech. If you are truly a Mary married to a Martha I guess then it works but this blog post is about me and my husband. See, we are very similar but there is one area that we are very different in. If there is one thing out of place, I will work until everything is all done and my husband can, by some miracle, pretend that he doesn’t see the mess that is in front of him. He is able to turn that part of his brain off after the dishes are done and our daughter is put to bed. Me? I am picking up every last thing I see and putting it away and getting mad that I am the only one working still.

Then it hit me one night, while I was up still doing laundry, that there is a story in the Bible that matches this very scenario. In Luke 10:38-42 there is the story of two women who Jesus came to visit.  Martha was busy hosting Jesus that she started to yell and get angry because her sister, Mary, was just sitting at Jesus’ feet listening to him talk.

I get that feeling because my husband was in the living room watching TV or wasting time on Youtube while I was doing things that actually mattered. How dare he just expect me to do everything myself? But then I heard the voice of God speak to my heart and say “Gracelyn, there are multiple ways to serve both me and your husband but you can’t burn out”. I was like, huh?

I had been working my butt off all day just the keep the house running somewhat in harmony. What right did my husband have to just clock out? Sure my husband had been at work all day and then helped when he got home with our daughter. He hadn’t gotten everything done he wanted to get done but he knew he would get a chance to do them the next day. At that moment he wanted to just sit down and hang out with me.

So I dropped the laundry off in our room and went to couch to sit with him. He wondered if I was wanting him to help with the laundry but I told that I wanted to spend some time with him. This made him happy and we ended up having a nice evening together. I became a Mary and spent my time serving my husband in the way that he needed and resting myself after a long day of being a home maker and mom. And my husband let me know that he would help me with the laundry the next morning and he did. It was his way of showing that he can be a Martha too.

Why bring this up? Because I think of all the fights my husband and I have had in the past when we were first married about him clocking out too soon. I have yelled and screamed at him at how unfair it was that he was getting to relax and I never got to. It is actually quite embarrassing and childish now that I think about it. But, if I had just taken the moment then to listen to my husband and listen to God, it would have saved me so much heartache.

Just because your spouse does something different than you doesn’t mean that they are wrong. I’ll give one more example of this. My husband and I were putting out daughter to bed and I had washed her sheets that day so they needed to be put back on her bed. My husband took the lead and started making it while she and cleaned up. When I came in her room, I wasn’t sure what to think since he had put the character’s feet on her sheets and blanket at the pillow end.

I was a little stunned and told him that he had done it wrong. Big mistake. He explained that now she could look at (it was Ariel at the time) when she sleeps and that just because I didn’t like it didn’t mean that he had made the bed wrong.

Talk about an ouch. I wanted to show him how to do it right but I was too tired to bother. The next day was the day that God talked to my heart and I changed it to bring unity to our home. I couldn’t have made a stink just like all the other times but this time there was an actual change in the atmosphere. I changed and it changed it for the better.

So next time you want to point out just how wrong your spouse is on something, take a moment to think. Would it be better to actually join them and not correct them than to make your point known? Sometimes that is the right answer just like how Jesus told Martha that Mary was actually doing the more important thing.

With PCOS I Feel Like a Broken Car

Sometimes I just don’t know what to say. I think I know where I am going in life and then a curve ball comes my way. Then I go in a different direction and then another curve ball comes my way. I know that is just life, but it can be rather frustrating.

I try to listen to God’s will, but so many times I have no idea what that is. I think I do but then I don’t. You know what I mean? I think I am content where I am then something happens and I am back to square one. It then takes weeks for me to get back to where I was content because I have to grieve all over again.

I am reminded on a daily basis that I want another baby an can’t. I thought that I pregnant again even though my husband was supposed to get a vasectomy in the following two weeks. Since I thought I was pregnant we cancelled it, and now I am regretting that since we have to wait two more months for him to get it.

Where the frustration came in was that I was so happy with our decision and that we were moving forward. Now I feel like I have gone three steps back. Back to where I was when I lost my last baby. I was so angry with God then and I am back to being just as frustrated with Him now. I am trying to be content even in the fresh pain of that wound being reopened, but it’s hard. It is so hard to say God is good when I feel like He is being cruel for leading me on.

So we are back to square one with the whole baby thing and my husband has rescheduled his vasectomy, and I have to remember what hope is. It’s still good to hope even after your heart has been hurt again. That’s what Jesus would want.

He isn’t trying to be cruel because He isn’t that way. We live in a broken world with broken bodies. My body for some reason doesn’t do what it’s supposed to and I will never understand why. I am like a car with an engine, gas, and fresh battery, but it still won’t start. I have tried and tried but it still won’t change.

What I am going to do then? figure out a new way to get around. Maybe in this case my husband’s vasectomy is like changing the gas out for solar and now I will be able to move since I no longer have that one area in my life holding me back. It’s a good thing some times to change things up to be content. I can’t have a baby so we are getting a dog. We don’t want to go through this pain anymore so we are having my husband get a vasectomy. I want to have something to fulfill my life more than just being a mom and wife so I am going back to school. There is so many options for couples who have some that ultimate cross road of whether or not to keep trying.

But I know that I am not a broken car. I am really not broken at all. I am not a fan of it since I have always this – I am different. I am created differently than others because I don’t have the same path as everyone. It might feel like I am broken when I see other women sporting their baby bumps but  I have to try to keep at the forefront of my mind that I am made for something different, I have a wonderful husband, and a miracle baby who is playing with her dolls right now. My life is good and my life is full.

God is Good

“God is good”. Do you believe that? I have a hard time with it sometimes I will admit. It’s a topic that many will never say is true simply because they have never felt it. I can say it’s true because in the past I have felt Him. I have felt His arms around when I was hurting and crying out for acceptance and love. Then why is it so hard for me to feel at times now?

Maybe it’s because I am more grown up and more calloused with the world? Maybe I am too scared to trust anyone but myself? I don’t know but I do know that my trust relationship with God is one that always takes work on my side.

I know people say that if you trust someone that you will always trust them. I guess that I sort of true since I trust my husband 100% and my closest friends 100%, but why can’t I always trust God 100% if the time? Because I can really trust what I see. I trust my husband to come home and love me every night because he does and I can see him. I can see his face and hear his voice to know if there is something off about him, but with God I can’t see Him. I know He is there, but I so often forget to look for Him.

And when things go bad it’s even harder to trust Him. You want to believe that He is doing everything for my good, but I can see that at the moment. It might be years until I see the purpose behind the suffering I go through today. So I sit there and ask God why, when He isn’t ready to show to me what He is planning to do with me. I just have to sit and wait to maybe understand it someday.

But I just have to remember that God is always good even if it doesn’t feel like life is. He loves me even when I am crying my soul out or angry because life has thrown me another curve ball. He is good always.

 

Husbands, Your Wives Aren’t Crazy

Husbands, have you had your wife just blow up at you for what you appeared to be no reason? Well, let me tell you a little story to show that it might have not been for no reason.

I had a really bad day with my daughter one day, and I couldn’t wait for my husband to get home. When he did, I asked him to do something a certain way and he didn’t do it at all. I was so mad at him that I just lost it and he had no idea of why I was so mad.

Let’s rewind my day. My daughter had been difficult all day with showing me nothing but disrespect left and right. I wanted my husband to come home to help me out so much because then I would have someone who would do what I asked even if was something as simple as please don’t scream at the top of your lungs for no reason. But that wasn’t what happened. Instead, my husband disrespected me as well and I couldn’t take it anymore. The crazy part was that he didn’t mean to disrespect in the least. He just didn’t see the need for what I had asked of him at the time. He was just going to do it the next day, but that wasn’t my point. I had wanted it done now because I had asked him and he was the adult and should have respected me by doing it.

Any way, does my story sound familiar? Every couple has had a fight like this but this is most common for wives and husbands with kids. Besides money, most fights concern the kids and their well being, but what about the parent’s wellbeing? Parenting is the hardest thing anyone has to do. They might be cute as babies, sometimes, but as toddlers they are the biggest headache. Most moms won’t want to admit it but, if asked point blank, they probably would admit that they didn’t want to be moms anymore. So our day is hard enough without our husbands making it worse.

B there is good news to you husbands! Your wife is not crazy and there is a reason she is flying of the handle all the time. It’s more likely that she has been dealing with little monsters all day and then you come home and don’t help by then really disrespecting her in the process. How to fix it? It’s simple really. If your wife asks you to do something, do it just as she said even if it doesn’t make 100% sense to you. It’s not the fact that you did it that will make her feel loved and respected it’s more of like you value her because she is raising your kids and they don’t do that. They make her feel dumb and out of control no matter how hard she tries to keep on a good face.

She needs you to be in her corner and not on the opposing side. Show her that you do listen and do care by helping out when not asked or picking up the house to the way she likes it when she is finally able to go pee without kids following her around. You have a lot more power in your home than you realize. They say that the woman has the responsibility to set the tone for the home and this is very true, but she needs a sounding board. She sends out out a signal and if there isn’t anything to bounce off of she will just keep going until she does. You need to be that sounding board that she can count on and know that above all else you have her back.

Because us women aren’t crazy, we are tired and expected not to show it. We are expected to be the perfect examples for our children but we don’t even want to follow our own rules. We need our man to be there and do things to help us out.

So do you want to cut down on the fights you have with your wife? What did you do right before the last argument that set her off? Was is not doing something she asked? Or are the kids driving her so bonkers that she is tired of always having to come to you and yell at you that she needs help when you should have gotten up long ago?

Men have the power to keep their wife happy. The question is, are you willing to do what it takes? I’m not saying being a doormat because women hate that too. Here is a list to give you an idea of what I mean by you have the power to cause an argument or avoid one.

  • In the morning, afternoon, or evening, the kids are running a muck and your wife is trying to make breakfast or whatever while you are still lying in bed or sitting on the couch. Get up before she has to come storming in at the end of her rope and order you to help.
  • Don’t act like one of the kids when she is trying to do something.
  • Help by either picking up after the kids or keeping the house in the direction that she likes it. She picks up after the kids ALL day long and she doesn’t need you being as bad as them.
  • Cook dinner so she can go take a bath or shower without having to worry that the kids are going to burn the house down while she is gone.
  • If she asks you do something, do it. She would do it herself if she could because frankly that would be easier but she is trusting you to take care of it so that she doesn’t have to. Don’t trample the gift by ignoring her or doing it in a completely different way.
  • When she is frazzled, take the kids out of the house. Most women need some time to themselves, and it doesn’t matter if they work or not. They need time to just sit and not have any demands on them. You might have just worked all day but here is a BIG way to keep from having arguments, and that is take the kids so your wife doesn’t get blown out.

Have you thought of some that aren’t here? Do them and see the difference in your home. Your wife needs love and your respect just as much as you need it from her. So be a good sounding board and be there for her so that she can be a good wife to you and good mother to your children.

 

 

How to Not Give Up on Life

So this past week has been a crazy one in the fact that the bug of the year has gone through my whole household. You know, the yucky one with the coughing, high fever, chills, and nose that won’t stop running for you to reach over and get a new tissue? Yeah that one. Even my toddle has it. Poor baby girl 😦 But I think that it has hit me the hardest next to my daughter.

My husband was lucky and only got the dry cough and runny nose part but I got the 103ish degree fever, blizzard feeling chills, and body wrenching cough. It was a rough couple of days since I had to wait to see my nutritionist. I got really excited the morning my fever had broke, but that only lasted for twelve hours and I was back to being wrapped in three blankets because I was so “cold” but my husband could have cooked dinner on my forehead by that next evening.

I just laid on my couch unable to open my eyes because they burned so bad and hot acid tears seeped through. It may not sound like a big deal to you, but, if you have been following my blog for any length of time, this is not my first recent encounter with having to fight for my life, my livelihood, and my family.

2016 I have deemed the year of The Fight. I’ll recap really quickly for anyone who is new.

  • March – My husband almost died from a “mysterious virus”
  • April – I got a upper respiratory cold and two weeks later was admitted in the hospital with 89% oxygen levels because of pneumonia. I was then sent home with oxygen since my lungs were so damaged they couldn’t function right on their own. After being home for two days, I wasn’t getting better, I was getting worse again and we finally figured it out. We had to flee the rental due to black toxic mold.
  • May – July – Proceeded to fight for was right but it was useless. Both the management company and our landlord decided not to the right thing and take care of us. Rather they made it worse by breaking law after law to cover up the fact that there was mold in the home. (We might be young, but we have been screwed enough that we know renter’s rights pretty well and they breeched the lease at least three times with non notified entry.) It got to the point that we had to hire an attorney to represent us, but there was little she could do since there are no solid mold laws in California except ward off our landlord suing us. After doing some intense research, the only thing that could be done with our items was to discard them, but no one was willing to step foot in the home knowing of the black mold so we just left most of it and only took what we thought we could save. (Side note: It was futile. Nothing we own now is from the old home. EVERYTHING had to be throw away that wasn’t glass, hard porcelain, or metal.) So in total we lost everything we had ever owned and had to replace everything which has led us to be in credit card debit for the first time in our marriage.
  • July – We were blessed to be able to buy a home that we are still praying is a safe place for us to heal from the toxic mold poisoning, but we literally moved in with the clothes in our bags and a few things that people had given to us. Thankfully though my husband works with a lot of awesome people and they fulfilled the majority of what we needed. We would still probably be watching TV on the floor if it wasn’t for them.
  • August – December – Now was the really fight debt and it seems like we will never win. Satan doesn’t like God’s kids to be happy and one of the obstacles we had to face immediately were things with the house we bought. The previous owners did nothing to maintain it and we are not going to do what all of our landlords did with short cutting repairs. So With the home repairs, the attorney, another thing that had come up, and the credit card, we have been fighting to stay afloat without going crazy.

Now many of you are thinking “Well that is just life”, and you are correct. Life throws things at you and that is just how it goes, but to have a Job year is only something that someone who has had one can fully understand. You get to the point where hope seems to be something of fairytales and you are constantly keeping a look out for what could go wrong next. You keep going until you reach a breaking point, and, for me, it was this bug.

All I could think about was that I didn’t want to keep fighting anymore. I just wanted to be with Jesus and have it all be over. My husband could see it in my body language and forbade me from having the thoughts he knew were going through my head because he had had the same ones start last year. He told me how much I am needed and that the fight isn’t all in vain. He kept reminding me of how Emma needed her mommy. I knew he was right, but there was a part of me that was so tired.

It was like those movies you see where the character has the choice to either drown or decide to fight back the surface because they aren’t done living yet? It was kind of like that. I literally couldn’t move but I just kept uttering the word “Jesus”. I knew I couldn’t fight anymore. I needed Jesus to fight for me. I then was stilled and fell asleep.

I was awoken by my bladder a few hours later and my fever was gone, the chills were gone, I wasn’t coughing and was able to think straight. It was literally like God had taken over my body and healed me to be able to have the strength to fight again, and I did. I was able to go see my nutritionist that next day and she got me on some things that have really turned it around for me.

So The whole point of this blog post was just to encourage you that when are truly weak Jesus is strong. He is right there to help you and all He wants to hear is to have you call out to Him. I was trying to do it on my own and I lost. I have to remember to let Jesus take my burden. I can’t change the past but I can help the future my trusting in Him that He works everything out for my good, even with this awful bug.