Putting Respecting My Husband into Action

As women, the hardest thing to do in marriage is respect your husband in everything, and I mean in everything. I can say that because I just had to exercise it recently. See, one thing about losing everything means that you have to replace everything, and, even with all of the gracious people in our lives, we still had to use a credit card to make it. So we have this card and other things from last year when we lost everything due to black mold in a rental hanging over out heads, and the dollar in California doesn’t stretch like… at all. So with one income and owning a house and debt, it can be tight at times to purchase anything big that wasn’t already budgeted.

They say that the number one reason why people fight is because of money and they are so right. This is the first time in our marriage where money has been a problem. Up until now we had been debt free and now we are like the normal American family. Big time sad face.

So the thing that made me have to practice again all the things I have learned about respecting my husband had to do with a rather expensive item that would add value to our lives except in the finance department. It would have put us in total about $4,000 more in debt, but I really wanted it. It would have been something that has been needed in this house we bought since simple things like vacuuming the carpet and changing out the air filter seemed to be beneath the previous owners. But we just couldn’t afford it.

Needless to say, when my husband told me this, I was and still am crushed. It’s hard being a season of the answer always being “no” and you wonder when the answer will ever be “yes” again, but it’s that time that you really grow. Let me tell you that I personally hate growing because it usually involves pain and irritation and I can see the Lord is growing me in the area of respecting my husband even when I 100% don’t agree with him. You can only imagine how hard that is for me since I wanted this amazing item so much but my husband said “no”.

So I have a choice. I could go the easy route and pout about not getting it, which is what I really want to do, but what really is the point. It’s hard enough on my husband the fact that his paycheck isn’t providing like it used to, and he doesn’t need me pouting and whining at what he can’t provide for me. No wonder depression in men are on the rise. They want to provide and work hard, but their circumstances make it hard (like 20% of your income going to taxes cough cough) they don’t need their wives complaining and being a constant reminder of their failures.

Which will I choose? I know which one I want, but it’s super hard right now. It’s hard to be told no. I guess I see that I can even have tantrums like my almost three year old. All I want to do is throw myself on the ground and say that my life sucks, but I know that isn’t true. I have been blessed with so much that I would need ten blog posts to write them all. So I wasn’t able to the get the thing I wanted. It doesn’t mean that I may never get it. It’s slim since my husband needs to get a car first but maybe when my daughter is out of the house… Oh I hope I don’t have to wait fifteen years to get it. That would suck I have to say, but I know that my husband is really only looking for all of our best interests.

I pray that God will give me the strength to do the right thing and respect my husband from being the leader of his home and being a good steward of the money that he does make. That includes not buying the things that he says no to no matter how much I want them.

Have you had a time where you had to submit and respect your husband? How did it turn out? Did God bless you for it? I could use a little but of encouragement in this area.

Until next time 🙂

 

Do I Really Need Facebook?

Checking your Facebook every fifteen minutes? Feel like you never put your phone down? Yeah, that was me. I was realizing that I was on my phone all the time when I wasn’t taking care of my daughter. It was rather pathetic. Not only that but I was also getting angry at all the political stuff going on in America before and after the election. I’ll jut say that I am not a part of the protesting group so I get pretty annoyed. So I decided that I was going take a break from social media apps and see how it will affect my life. That means I only can be on Facebook when I am on a computer.

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I have done it for one day and I can say that it has already enhanced my life. My daughter is happier already because  I am not on my phone and we actually watched a whole movie together. My husband likes it since I wasn’t all pissed off yesterday at things that I really can’t change. And I was happier since my family was happy.

Is social media really enhancing your life or just adding stress to it? Why don’t you join me and not be on it so much and see how our lives are better for everyone. I’ll keep you updated on how it’s going for me 🙂

I Am a Goat and a Sheep

I had a funny thought today. I saw on Facebook that people are sheep and just follow whatever someone says. Well, I was raised to have critical thinking skills so in that case I don’t usually go with something just because someone told me to. I think about the situation and come with a reaction based on my own opinion shaped by information I am given. In that case I am a goat. But the Bible says that I am a sheep, and I am. How can I be both? Let me explain how it is possible.

See, we people are sheep because we walk around not really knowing what is going on. Ok, for all you of who have never seen a sheep, the reason why people are called sheep is because sheep are stupid. They have no ability really of taking care of themselves. I had growing up a couple of sheep and the analogy finally made sense. Our sheep were so dumb that they would run away when we threw the hay over the fence and, if the goats didn’t eat it, the sheep would have probably starved because they didn’t have the common sense to come see what we fed them. They needed leadership to know what to do, and that is how Christians are supposed to be. We are read God’s Word and live by Him in order to know how to live our lives.

But there is a switch that happens when it comes to people who go against the grain in the world whether or not they are Christians and they are called goats. How to explain a goat? I would say smart, intelligent, troublesome, loud, and bold. They are awesome animals really. I like them personally more than sheep since they do have a mind in their head. But they are very hard to herd. If a goat wants to go one direction, guess what, it will only go in that direction no matter how much grain or hay you shake in their face. That is why in the Christian terms, unsaved people are called goats. They think they can do it on their own and more than like they will be eaten because they didn’t listen to the goat herder.

But where does that leave me? I am a Christian but I go against almost all of the culture around me both locally and on a wide spread scale. I don’t participate in local logic like the way city dwellers treat the world around them, and I don’t like the widespread issues like abortion. My Facebook wall shows that I am right winged and hate it when entitled people whine and complain when they don’t get their way, but the world around me says that I should hate white people, cry because my presidential candidate didn’t win, have so much debt to keep up with the Jones’ I should be drowning and should be ashamed to be an American. Most people just go with the flow and live their whole without having a single individual thought in their lives.

You have heard the analogy of the five monkeys right? five monkeys are put in a room with a banana on top of a ladder, but whenever a monkey goes up he is sprayed with water as are the rest of the monkeys. So whenever a monkey goes up, the rest start to attack him because they don’t want to be sprayed with water. Then slowly all the monkeys are replaced and each time a new monkey comes in, they rest attack them. When the experiment was at the end all five new monkeys wouldn’t climb the ladder but none of the monkeys really knew why. It was always done that way. That is how our culture has been formed in the last fifty years. We have strayed from the roots because someone like me decided to climb the ladder anyway and find out that the banana was worth it.

So what am I? I am a rebel and a follower. I am both!

I am a sheep because when it comes to life I need the direction of Jesus to show me how to live and love on people which then turns me into a goat because it is the opposite of what the culture around me says. How’s that for a mind bender? Never thought you could be two animals at once, huh? What would I be called then? A sheot? A geep? A goeep? I don’t know, but it is a very interesting animal. I can lead and follow, I can talk and listen, I can make decisions by thinking through but being open to other people’s ideas. I think being a sheot isn’t so bad. Are you with me? 🙂

Still Missing My Baby and Trying to Heal

Today was a really great day, but it now seems like it is ending in tears. Not because anything bad happened (actually something really great happened) but because it shows me that I still have some healing to do. I have been doing really well moving on with my life after my miscarriage going on two months ago, but I have to patient with myself and now that it’s only been two months since we said goodbye to our baby.

So the good thing that happened is that I got to see one of my best friends who lives about eight hours away, and we had a great time.  This friend just happens to be pregnant and our babies were due two days apart. Praise God that her pregnancy is going well and life is good for them. We laughed, talked about their baby, and other thing s that are going on in both our lives since we last got together.What the hard part was that after they left, I started having those physical feelings of being pregnant. My breasts hurt, I was nauseated, and I was hardly able to keep my eyes open. All of my main symptoms with my last pregnancy, and quickly was followed by tears.

How was this all possible when I am not pregnant? Simple, your hormones are very powerful and they can sense things around you and mine picked up on the fact my friend is pregnant and it misses being pregnant. The symptoms are finally now wearing off thankfully since my husband and I made the decision to not try again due to the results of our baby’s pathology report so it wouldn’t like we would be really excited if I was pregnant so soon after a D&C. It would be heartbreaking since the odds of it ending the same way as our last four would be rather high. It would be a thing that would be a stress and worry and not a thing of joy and happiness that a new baby should bring.

What it just proved to me was how much I miss my baby and how far I have left to heal. Someday I will be healed but right now the wounds are still there. If you are same place, we are in this together. It doesn’t happen over night and God is with me every step of the way. I still don’t understand why this has happened to us and I probably never will this side of heaven. All I know is that I have to keep the faith and enjoy the family He has given me.

God bless!

Making it Work

So here is actually a funny story for today. I know my posts lately have been about loss and sadness, but there is a lot of joy and good going on in my life. One of them happened yesterday even though they didn’t start out that way.

So yesterday my husband got our daughter ready to go since I drive him to work being we only have one car. I asked him does she have on pants and he said that she didn’t want to wear them, but he will put them in the car. We leave and I have to go to Home Depot on the way home and therefore Emma having pants was kind of a big deal. I grab the jumbled fabric that he said were pants and it was a long sleeve shirt. She of course already had a shirt, and I needed pants.

A little miffed at my husband, I go to Home Depot anyway and try to think about what I was going to do about my daughter not having any pants. Well, the Holy Spirit spoke to me in my heart and said, “It’s a long sleeve shirt. Put it on like a skirt and tie the sleeves in the back to keep it on”. It was genius!

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Doesn’t she look cute with her skirt shirt thing? And everyone kept telling me that my daughter’s outfit was so cute as we walked through the store. If only they knew what kind of morning had led up to it. So, in the honor of that guy who now plays Bailywick in Sofia the First, I made it work 🙂

Standing Up On the Inside

I just read a really great devotion from Joyce Meyer in her book Trusting God Day by Day. In it was a saying of standing up on the inside. We are in a very interesting time in world history with America’s presidential election and everything still going on the middle east. There are many people standing up literally for what they think is right even though most of them are just throwing a tantrum. It’s not truly protesting or standing up for anything. But I won’t get into that at the moment.

What I just want to say is that standing up for things is important but sometimes it is best to just stand up on the inside. To still have your convictions but to use them at the appropriate time. Everything in good time right? That goes for standing up for something too. There is so much I want to stand up for and scream at the top of my lungs to get what I want but I can’t always do that. I have to be patient and wait on God to give me the moment to do so.

But one thing is for sure, I will always be a Patriot, Christian, and supporter of freedom. That I will always stand up for whether it be on the inside or the outside.

My Song For 2016

This song is my song for the year. It has helped me get up when I just wanted to lie down and give up, it has been a reminder that God is with me no matter how I might feel in that moment, and it has shown me that I can’t change anything. The only thing I can really do in this life is to look up and keep going forward. I think the song tells the rest of this perfectly and better than I could. Enjoy 🙂

 

(I am not being paid to post this video)

Exam Time – Practice What I’ve Learned

So this past weekend was my churches Christmas Women’s Event. It was awesome but there was an interesting story for me to get there. I have been doing a lot of study on stress and how to not let things get to me lately. I don’t know about you, but I am one that plans things out to the minute. I know exactly how long it takes me to get from point A to point B and how long something should take. So things go wrong, I get a little stressed out. Of course it was all out of my control so I don’t know why they bugged me so much. I guess I just like to have control so when it’s taken a way, I panic.

Well I have been really trying to fix that. I have been reading Joyce Meyer’s book Overload and she talks a lot just letting things go and rolling with life. Something I would like to think I do but I know I have a hard time with. Now, I am a very resourceful person and will figure out a solution to my change of plans or circumstance but the problem is I will concentrate all day on how the first plan went wrong. The thing is over and done with but I will stress myself out all day because I can’t let go about how my plan was better. Of course many times the new plan was actually better than my original plan, but I will still harbor about how my plans got ruined. Do I have anyone out there that can relate?

So, in Joyce’s book, she had some really great ideas on how to let things go and change patterns in your life to help with stress and coping with stress, and I have been using them. It’s actually quite amazing actually how you feel when you don’t try to control everything. Any way, let me tell you my story on how Satan decided yesterday was the perfect to give me an exam on what I have been learning.

Like I said, yesterday was the Christmas Event and I had been looking forward to this evening for weeks. I had my outfit all picked out and ready to go, I had things all out for my husband as he watched our daughter, and now I was just waiting to get ready to go. Morning of I woke up with this giant pimple on my chin. You know the type that if you keep messing with only gets bigger and bigger? Yeah, that was fun but I wasn’t going to worry about it and maybe it would be ready by the evening. Then the morning goes pretty smoothly as I took my husband to work and went grocery shopping. My daughter wanted to go to the gym but I  told her she needed to do quiet time first so she put herself down almost an hour early so we could go. Nothing to worry about right? A little pimple wasn’t going to ruin my day. Heck, during quiet time I actually got to write two chapters in my latest book I am writing!

Then the fun began after she woke up. See, I needed to take a shower and such to go to the event and I thought we were going to gym so I didn’t take one during quiet time and wrote instead. MY daughter wakes up and suddenly she doesn’t want to go to the gym anymore. Well, she had no choice and, after a yelling tantrum in the car all the way there, she was running into the doors to go play. Normally I would have said “screw it” and gone home but I know at the gym I would get to be able to get in peace and have a long shower.

Once I drop my daughter off in child care, I go to the locker room. I find a locker and try it out since it’s one of those digital ones that the batteries always die in and it worked so I out my stuff in and got ready for my shower. I go to lock it and now the battery is dead. So here I am in the towel and I have to unpack this one and find another. I try two more lockers and the same thing happens. Now I have to say this time I didn’t react the best but I didn’t react harshly. I finally found a working locker and went to take my shower.

I literally had one minute of hot water, and it was slowest time of the day for gym which means no one was there! Where the heck did all the hot water go. So instead of having a nice long hot shower, I was stuck with a cold military one. Can you see where I am saying that it had been exam time because having all these things back to back just seemed too ironic. It seemed like when I failed to get stressed out or mad about thing, Satan just tried another.

Well it didn’t stop at the shower since I just turned the water off and went to put my clothes on. As I was out dressing, my cami somehow snapped across my face. I have never done it before and I honestly I can’t figure out how I did it all together, but I do know this – it hurt really badly. Now I am really catching on to Satan’s plan and the reasoning side is trying to make the choice of let it go and move on or get angry and the reactive side just wants to wants to scream and throw a fit at this point. But I stay with my plan and keep staying clam.

Sadly, the test wasn’t over. Hair and Makeup went wrong and then I literally couldn’t get my bag out of the locker. But, finally, I was dressed and ready to go get my daughter. I sign her out and the topper of the exam happened. I snagged my lace shirt on something completely invisible on the wall. I went over the spot over and over again and couldn’t find anything that could have snagged my shirt. Satan was having such a fit that I wasn’t falling for his games that he snagged my shirt. My reaction? “Oh well, you can see it unless I point it out and, if I try to fix it, I’ll just make it worse.

I could just picture Satan at that point. He was probably kicking a screaming because I had failed his test and I went on to have a lovely evening at the even with my friends and family. But you know what? I felt good because I failed and I knew that God was smiling because I am actually learning from what I am studying.

Now the next time I might completely fail, but in that moment I had victory.

In These Past 25 Years

So this year I had my birthday. Yay! And I am now 25 years old… Yay! I don’t feel that old really. I still feel like a spicy sixteen year old but I am not one anymore. I am a mom and wife. I have gotten a college degree. I am now a homeowner. There are so many changes that have happened for me in these past twenty five years. I have gone from a child to an adult.

I look forward to the next twenty five years for sure. Within that time now it’s crazy to think that my daughter will graduate high school, my husband will retire and I will be an empty nester. Talk about another huge shift in life from where I am now with a working husband, a toddler and a very busy home. But I don’t take any of it for granted since I know how fast everything can be taken away. In a blink of an eye my plans can change and be taken down a different road. So these next twenty five years, I just want to enjoy the journey.

Moving On After a Miscarriage

Hello to the reader who is looking for hope and joy in life during a time that is confusing and heartbreaking. I too have had the gut wrenching experiences of four miscarriages and each one was just as hard as the first. I get it. With out last baby we lost, we found out the pathology report from our baby and it wasn’t good news. We had been trying for a year with four miscarriages back to back to back to back. We had a hunch what the problem was but we didn’t want to admit it. It’s the type of news that has led us to make the choice that we are done trying for a baby. It’s heart-wrenching, but my husband and I are at peace with it. So, until my husband can be seen, we are now trying to move on with our lives.

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We have been blessed with a little girl before all this loss and she is our light. I had had a tough time with the last pregnancy where I had to spend my time lying on the couch doing nothing which meant no playing with my daughter. So with me not being pregnant anymore, our daughter is sure happy to have her mommy back and my husband is glad to have his wife back .So now the question is, how to move on with life without forgetting our babies? I don’t think it is fully possible but we will be working on doing it. We have decided to still add to our family, but of the four legged type. We know that we want a dog now to add as our next family member and we can’t wait until we find the right doggie. It won’t fill the loss but it might bring in the light that we were expecting with our baby. Also it is important to still have a friend for our daughter and a way to show her that she isn’t the center of the universe even though she is the center of ours. I think for anyone who has lost a baby and is still looking for that love, a pet is a great way to go unless living situations don’t allow it.

The other way that we are moving on is to really spend time as a couple. I know the fear that there is with becoming intimate with your partner, but it is vital to get to the place where you can again. If you don’t, it will open the door to separation between you and your partner. Our fist loss took a real toll on our relationship because I was so afraid of sex with my husband. It wasn’t until after our fourth loss that we were able to engage right after the medical restrictions so I am in no way saying that it is easy to jump right back in bed. So do other things to make sure the intimacy stays there. You can simply go out on a date and just talk, or take a trip somewhere, or just simply cuddle on the couch. The ultimate thing is to stay connected.

So whether or not you choose to keep trying for another baby, or yo have to make the decision we have had to make, it’s ok. People who have never had a miscarriage will never fully understand the pain and loss you have gone through. They will try but they won’t succeed and many people say the wrong things with the intention of cheering you up. Moving on from losing a child doesn’t happen in a day but don’t let it disturb your relationships you had before. Losing the baby wasn’t yours or anyone’s fault, and you can’t let the grief tare you and your partner apart. That’s something I can truly say. You made the little life together and now you have to keep staying together because you are the only ones that know the pain. Only the two of you know how to comfort each other. So with my little two sense, that’s my suggestion to anyone who is trying to move forward through life right now. I don’t know what I would have done without my husband being there to walk with me when we lost our babies. It was only with our mutual love that we are together and our relationship that got us through the storm.

Keep your head up, my wonderful reader. You will move forward even though right now the reason you are searching for answers is because you are stuck. Keep trying and look for the good around you when it feels like there is so much darkness. Don’t forget what you have been blessed with already whether it is a child before the miscarriage or if it is just you and your partner. They are blessings in this life you can’t lose sight of. I know because I had to follow my own advice when I would start missing my babies. I couldn’t live in the “should have been’s” I needed to live in the “now and is’s”.

I pray for you and I hope you have found some hope and comfort in my words.

Sincerely,

Gracelyn