Still Missing My Baby and Trying to Heal

Today was a really great day, but it now seems like it is ending in tears. Not because anything bad happened (actually something really great happened) but because it shows me that I still have some healing to do. I have been doing really well moving on with my life after my miscarriage going on two months ago, but I have to patient with myself and now that it’s only been two months since we said goodbye to our baby.

So the good thing that happened is that I got to see one of my best friends who lives about eight hours away, and we had a great time.  This friend just happens to be pregnant and our babies were due two days apart. Praise God that her pregnancy is going well and life is good for them. We laughed, talked about their baby, and other thing s that are going on in both our lives since we last got together.What the hard part was that after they left, I started having those physical feelings of being pregnant. My breasts hurt, I was nauseated, and I was hardly able to keep my eyes open. All of my main symptoms with my last pregnancy, and quickly was followed by tears.

How was this all possible when I am not pregnant? Simple, your hormones are very powerful and they can sense things around you and mine picked up on the fact my friend is pregnant and it misses being pregnant. The symptoms are finally now wearing off thankfully since my husband and I made the decision to not try again due to the results of our baby’s pathology report so it wouldn’t like we would be really excited if I was pregnant so soon after a D&C. It would be heartbreaking since the odds of it ending the same way as our last four would be rather high. It would be a thing that would be a stress and worry and not a thing of joy and happiness that a new baby should bring.

What it just proved to me was how much I miss my baby and how far I have left to heal. Someday I will be healed but right now the wounds are still there. If you are same place, we are in this together. It doesn’t happen over night and God is with me every step of the way. I still don’t understand why this has happened to us and I probably never will this side of heaven. All I know is that I have to keep the faith and enjoy the family He has given me.

God bless!

2016, Why?

Today is a sad day for many geeks in the world with the loss of Carrie Fisher. She will always be that spunky Princess Leia to me as I grew up watching her in only that trilogy, but there is more sadness with this past year since it feels like there have been so many icons lost this year.

  • Florence Henderson
  • Alan Thicke
  • Gene Wilder
  • Muhammad Ali
  • Prince
  • David Bowie
  • John Glenn
  • First Lady Nancy Reagan
  • Arnold Palmer
  • Kenny Baker (R2D2)

And many others that would fill this blog post. It’s crazy the famous people we have lost in 2016. They seemed like they would live forever and now that they are gone, it’s just sad and I am awestruck but not in the way I want to be.

I grew up watching Brady Bunch and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I just can’t believe these people are not here anymore. I guess that we all have to pass away at some time but these people seemed to be special. There have been others that have passed on too like Robin Williams over the past couple of years. I still can’t watch Aladdin and Mrs. Doubtfire without feeling sad knowing that I am just watching a recording and he isn’t on this earth still. The same goes for the people we have lost this year.

But there is an added sadness for me being a Christian for these people because I don’t know if any of these people will be in heaven. Most I would say not which means that the life they had on this planet, whether it be good or bad, will be the best life they will have. So I guess, deep down, that is what makes me the saddest is that the fame and money will do nothing for them now, whereas, if they had had Christ in their life, the rewards that could have been there for them would have been ten fold what they had on this earth. In total, I hope and pray I am wrong I will be able to finally meet most of my icons growing up in heaven and I will be able to hear their story from their own mouths. That would be a dream come true in itself.

But we still need to pray for the families that are grieving. Know that there are millions of people grieving right alongside you.

God bless.