How Simple Things Make a Difference in a Relationship

The experts say the simple things make us happier than the extravagant things. I don’t know where having a house and things to wear fall into that but I do know one area where even the simplest things makes a huge difference.

If you have been keeping up with my latest posts (not that I have a ton up since life has thrown everything and the kitchen sink at me) you know that my husband and I have been having to live separately and I have been taking care of my two year old daughter all by myself. And it has been a challenge at times. Not all bad but more of a challenge than fun. I don’t know how single moms get anything done or have any time for themselves. I know I haven’t had any and now after my last post my body has decided that enough is enough and I need to slow down. One problem though, I am still a single parent for fifteen more days until we get to move into our new house. So I can’t give my body what it wants and my babysitters are still pretty tapped out since they have been having to watch my daughter as I have run around with a chicken with my head cut off for this house and the other things that are going on with my life.

But it got to the point yesterday that I told my husband he had to take a day off (even though he has no PN time left) because I needed a day to relax. By that time I had zero voice and so exhausted I fell asleep three times on the couch in a 12 hour period. Something as simple as rest can make your relationships better, but, with a selfish and demanding two year old who can’t look outside herself, that is hard.

Now may daughter isn’t abnormally selfish and demanding. All toddlers are and they have no idea that you have thoughts and feelings and needs too. Trust me, I would love to sit down and have a tantrum on the floor most days but I can’t since I am the adult. But when I do get a break I can be a better mommy. My husband knows this but since w don’t live under that same roof at the moment, that is rather difficult.

So there is one way that can make the simplest thing a big plus for any relationship and that is time for one’s self. The other is spending time with your spouse. Since my hubby and I aren’t under that same roof, it means that we are also not sharing a bed. And that is good marriage advice 101: always sleep with your spouse in the same bed.

It feels like a luxury to us right now. We are having to leave my parent’s house for the week since my aunt and uncle are here and get to spend a couple nights in a hotel, one night with my sister, one night back at my parent’s house and one night at the hotel again. It is going to be a crazy week with zero consistency for my poor little girl. But at least last night and tonight my husband and I get to sleep in the same bed.

The other times we have been in the same room to sleep these past two months have been one of us on the couch and other is on the floor. Not super romantic right? And don’t get me started on romance. Let’s just say that according to my mother ‘it shouldn’t be on our list of things to do right now’ even though this has been the most stressful situation we have been through together. If this happens to our daughter and her husband, I will make sure that they can still be together as a couple as much a possible. I believe, if we were able to be together, I would have handled this situation a whole lot better.

Any way, all that to say that make sure you enjoy the simple things in life like sleeping in a bed with your spouse or having someone to watch your daughter for two seconds while you go pee. I know I have learned to appreciate it and have gained a whole new perspective of how life is for so many people. I have learned how to be a single mom and not lose my mind (sort of) and how to live with my husband two counties away and only in person on the weekends. But I will be happier when this is over and we are in our house. I can make it 15 more days. 🙂

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Five more minutes mommy!

New Life Out of the Old

So I think the word for us right now is change. There is very little stability when it comes to where we live and what we have. God has been throwing a lot of change at us and we can’t keep up with it. We have to get a lot of new things for the new house that we couldn’t take from the old and that has been a stretch for me. I am not that great with change to begin with.

Then I saw this on a walk went on with my daughter.

 

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Jeremiah 17:8

He is like a tree planted by water,
    that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
    for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

Can you see it? There is a new tree growing out of the dead stump. That is how I feel right now. I feel like the tree of my life with my husband, daughter and our stuff has been cut down to a stump. It looks ugly and dead moving into a new house with just our clothes and dishes. For once we don’t have enough furniture to fill a house. It is like when my husband and I were first married.

But then I am starting to see the life coming back. We have been super blessed by the people around us and slowly I can see the house filling up. It’s a little bit from here and little from there but at least it is what we need. I am so grateful for everyone in our life and that’s the important part. We are being a blessing to another person who is able to bless us. God is good, I know.

I am starting to get excited about the next move to the new house. Escrow should close in two weeks but the sellers have been able to stay for 9 extra days so it will be July before we can move in. So the move in countdown is now – 26 days 🙂

Trying Not to be a Bored Wife

I know that it might appear that we have had a lot of excitement in our home lately but to be honest there is an underlying sense of boredom. I know my husband and I have goals and thrifting is a big part of our lives right now but I’ll be real and say it’s really boring sometimes.

Yeah my husband goes to work all day and wants to be home on his days off, but I am home every single day and it gets really boring around here with routine. I wake up, keep my daughter alive, husband comes home, I make dinner, I might get him to do dishes, give my daughter a bath, put her to bed, and then go to bed my self. Repeat that like every other mother in the world not just five days a week but seven. It’s just that two of the days I have my husband home to take care of too. It sometimes is hard being the mom/wife. Your family expects so much out of you and, when you can’t deliver, it seems like the whole house falls a part. I’d be so worried what would happen if I kicked the bucket right now. The vacuum would have more dust on it than the floor and my daughter would probably grow up on Papa Murphy’s pizza. Not saying my husband isn’t a great dad, I’m just saying that there’s a whole lot more that goes on that neither him or daughter know goes on to keep the house going.

So why am I bored? Because I am home all the time. Are there any women out there that will understand what that one line means? I feel like Cinderella on a regular basis. I work but never get to play as a family. I love my family and I want to spend time with them but sometimes I wish that Cinderella would be able to go to the ball with her Prince and little Princess more often than just church. I guess that’s what I get for marrying an introvert.

It wasn’t always like this. When we were dating, my husband and I had so much fun. He keeps saying we will have fun again so I’m trying to be patient. He says when he’s retired we will do stuff together again more than just do things around the house. Does he not get that’s a minimum of 20 years away? I don’t know what he thinks I’ll be able to do in that time but it can’t just be staying home and doing nothing. I want to be a good wife but I struggle too sometimes.

But I know that isn’t the way it is supposed to be. My husband is working hard for us to have a better life in the future and just  need to wait. Until then, I just need to look to God for comfort and sit on the couch with my husband after he mows the lawn and such on his days off.

How to Say “I’m Sorry”

People have said that to say “I’m sorry” is the biggest act to show how humble you really are. As a kid, I thought they were crazy but then I got married. Now I have only been married for four years to this date but I have already seen how the lack of saying “I’m sorry” can very quickly destroy a marriage.

I have a very “let’s fix right now” attitude and my husband is a “lets see how this rolls” kind of personality. Both are good in their own ways until we get in an argument. Then he shuts down and I don’t shut up. It turns into an ugly mess and we end up going in separate rooms where he is probably thinking I have gone insane and I am thinking that he is the worst husband ever. None of those things are true by the way, but have you ever felt that? They are both lies, actually anything in an argument said in anger is a lie, to get us off track with God and to have Satan get into our heads.

My husband and I one time had this fight where I thought that we might not work out in the long run because it seemed our goals were going in two completely different directions. I thought he was being lazy with life and I wanted to have more out of life. Turns out that wasn’t the case but it still didn’t stop me from mouthing off and not saying some nice things. MY husband was hurt and I was in no mood to apologize because I was in the right after all. If he wanted to “I’m sorry” it would have to come out his mouth.

Well it didn’t because he wasn’t the one who had to say it. If I have been rational, we could have just talked about my feelings of being taken advantage of and so on and the whole argument could have been by passed. He had no idea that was feeling the way I was and he would have been better if he had only known.

So guess what I had to do though before I could find that out? Yup, I had to swallow my pride and go say “I’m sorry”. I didn’t want to but God pricked my heart once I calmed down and point out how I was in the wrong. I needed to make the first step to making things right, not my husband. And when I humbled myself and said the magic words, the tension and anger melted away. So don’t give satan the satisfaction of getting in your head. Because it won’t end up in a good place for anyone.

Now this just doesn’t go for women, but also you men too. My husband has gone off on me for something that had happened at work and he had to be the one to apologize. And sometimes, it is the man who needs to be humbled and brought before God. No one is perfect and that includes men and husbands. Because you guys are the ones that Satan will want to get his foothold in the most. He know that if he can get a wedge between two people (especially a man a wife) then he knows that he can create a whole lot of trouble. He wants to have as much time as possible between apologies because that is where he can have fun.

But if too much times goes by where neither party is willing to say it, then that is where problems start. There’s a void that starts to open and it is not a good thing. Too much void means there will be opportunities for both sides to make bad decisions. I know that I have been presented a few and my husband even more when we are fighting. It is a scary thing to think of would happen to our marriage if one of us slips up just once. I don’t even want to think about it. So I have to remind myself daily to keep up the fight against the right enemy and that is not my husband. So do the easy thing and say “I’m sorry” and see the difference it makes in your life 🙂

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Seriously. How can I be mad a face like this? 🙂

Married on Valentine’s Day

I remember when I was single that I wasn’t a fan of Valentine’s Day. All I wanted was to have a man (or really a boy back then) call me his Valentine. Looking back I now see how silly that was. I was so worried about not having a Valentine, I would rather sit an pine about how unhappy I was when really I wasn’t. I had a Valentine and He is still my Valentine.

Because it isn’t just singles who are sad on Valentine’s Day. There are so many women (and men) out there who are in a relationship that unfulfilling and unhappy. To them, it would be better if they were single since then they could go out a find a different Valentine. Now I hope that they don’t do that since adultery is still adultery and God looks down on that but it can’t stop anyone from thinking of doing it. And the sad part is that they have forgotten Who their Valentine really is.

Now I am super blessed to have a wonderful husband and thriving marriage, but we are still young and we have a lot to learn. Unless we stick together and work our marriage correctly, we will turn into bitter enemies and if I recall that wasn’t in my wedding vows. Marriage is work but to some people it feels like a dungeon.

So why bring this up on the most romantic day of the year? Simple. It is to point out that being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t a negative but and positive and so it being in an unhappy marriage because we all have the same Valentine! Jesus Christ has given us the best Valentine ever and so often we (especially us women) forget about it and concentrate on the world. It doesn’t matter what kind of Valentine you have on earth because, if you believe in Jesus, He is your Valentine always. He gave you not red roses but His blood on the cross for your sins. He rose on the third day and now is sitting at the right hand of the Father waiting until you are with Him for eternity.

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Found this picture and thought it was pretty on morguefile.com. It reminded me of Heaven.

Don’t have Jesus? That is fine because He knows you already and is waiting for you to join Him faith. There’s no code or password you need to know to receive Jesus as your Savior. You just need to believe and say He is your Savior. That’s it and for now on you will always have a Valentine to celebrate with.

I am lucky because I now have three Valentine’s but I will always enjoy my first Valentine the most. He was there for me in the past, He is there for me right now and He will be there for me in the future.

Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤

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We love all the readers for this blog and pray you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day 🙂