How to Say “I’m Sorry”

People have said that to say “I’m sorry” is the biggest act to show how humble you really are. As a kid, I thought they were crazy but then I got married. Now I have only been married for four years to this date but I have already seen how the lack of saying “I’m sorry” can very quickly destroy a marriage.

I have a very “let’s fix right now” attitude and my husband is a “lets see how this rolls” kind of personality. Both are good in their own ways until we get in an argument. Then he shuts down and I don’t shut up. It turns into an ugly mess and we end up going in separate rooms where he is probably thinking I have gone insane and I am thinking that he is the worst husband ever. None of those things are true by the way, but have you ever felt that? They are both lies, actually anything in an argument said in anger is a lie, to get us off track with God and to have Satan get into our heads.

My husband and I one time had this fight where I thought that we might not work out in the long run because it seemed our goals were going in two completely different directions. I thought he was being lazy with life and I wanted to have more out of life. Turns out that wasn’t the case but it still didn’t stop me from mouthing off and not saying some nice things. MY husband was hurt and I was in no mood to apologize because I was in the right after all. If he wanted to “I’m sorry” it would have to come out his mouth.

Well it didn’t because he wasn’t the one who had to say it. If I have been rational, we could have just talked about my feelings of being taken advantage of and so on and the whole argument could have been by passed. He had no idea that was feeling the way I was and he would have been better if he had only known.

So guess what I had to do though before I could find that out? Yup, I had to swallow my pride and go say “I’m sorry”. I didn’t want to but God pricked my heart once I calmed down and point out how I was in the wrong. I needed to make the first step to making things right, not my husband. And when I humbled myself and said the magic words, the tension and anger melted away. So don’t give satan the satisfaction of getting in your head. Because it won’t end up in a good place for anyone.

Now this just doesn’t go for women, but also you men too. My husband has gone off on me for something that had happened at work and he had to be the one to apologize. And sometimes, it is the man who needs to be humbled and brought before God. No one is perfect and that includes men and husbands. Because you guys are the ones that Satan will want to get his foothold in the most. He know that if he can get a wedge between two people (especially a man a wife) then he knows that he can create a whole lot of trouble. He wants to have as much time as possible between apologies because that is where he can have fun.

But if too much times goes by where neither party is willing to say it, then that is where problems start. There’s a void that starts to open and it is not a good thing. Too much void means there will be opportunities for both sides to make bad decisions. I know that I have been presented a few and my husband even more when we are fighting. It is a scary thing to think of would happen to our marriage if one of us slips up just once. I don’t even want to think about it. So I have to remind myself daily to keep up the fight against the right enemy and that is not my husband. So do the easy thing and say “I’m sorry” and see the difference it makes in your life 🙂

Seriously. How can I be mad a face like this? 🙂

When You are Tried

So Emma is starting to going into that sleep regression I guess toddlers go through around the age of two. She thinks that 2:00am is a great time to get up and play which is would be fine if she was in like China or something. At first I was really annoyed by it. I mean she had finally been sleeping through the night in her big girl bed (or should I say on the floor next to her big girl bed) for about two weeks and now she wasn’t sleeping through the night again.

Then one night she actually had a bad dream. I mean she woke up screaming in fear. Needless to say, I popped out of bed and ran to her side. When I opened her door, she clung to my leg and just cried “Mama! Mama!”. She was so glad I came to her. The other times were just because she was bored and wanted to play but this time it was a need for me to be in her room at that moment. So I picked her up and sat with her little arms clinging around my neck as tight as they could.

That moment right then and there made the last few night of getting little sleep worth it. She knew that I would be there for her even though this was the time she had actually needed me. And it gave me a good chance to sit there and tell her how much I love her an how much Jesus loves her. Then I got to pray over her for protection and her salvation. I was in there for probably about 45 minutes but they were precious minutes. And when she was done, she climbed back into her bed, grabbed her monkey, and said “Night, Night”. Her moment of need was over but I had been there to help her trough.

With my current situation I have to remember that God treats me like a little child like Emma. Not in a degrading way but in a loving way. I am His child and He loves me no matter what. When I have doubts and failures, it’s like when Emma gets up in the middle of the night. God is there when I whine or just am plain bored with life. But when a real thing happens, He is even quicker to come and save the day when my heart cries “Abba! Abba!”. He is there in an instant to hold me and tell that He loves me. And the best part is that He doesn’t have a time limit and will hold me until I want Him to let go.

So the next time you are with your kids and they are not sleeping well, think of how God does the same thing for us. He is there for us whenever we need Him even if it is 2 o’clock in the morning.


Being Built the Way You are Meant to Be

Here is a deeper thought than I normally post. What if we are the way we are because that is who we are supposed to be? OK well, maybe not super deep at first. I am a heavier set girl and I have spent my whole life being told that I need to lose weight and change so that I fit into the BMI scale that is completely ridiculous. I’m 5’4” and according to the BMI scale I should weigh 140 lbs. I would never want to weigh that little. I know that most of my weight is my german hefty bone structure and 140 lbs would just look really bad.

Would I like to be about 175 lbs, yes but that would still put me as obese on the BMI scale. So according to modern medicine, when I am at my goal weight, I am still not good enough in their eyes.

Has anyone ever felt like that no matter how hard they worked, they were still not good enough in other people’s eyes? It’s not a very good feeling. It sucks actually. I have grown up being told that I am perfect in God’s eyes (which I am and I’m grateful for His love every day), but He isn’t walking down the street or sitting at the desk next to me on a daily basis in person. It’s the co-workers and the strangers and even family and friends who are there judging wherever we go.

And this doesn’t just account for weight even though that is a huge area women today deal with. A hundred years ago we hefty, hardy women would have suitors lining the streets for our hand in marriage since literally bigger was better. And not all men have that opinion that skin and bones is beautiful. My husband wanted a tougher girl because I would be able to “handle things” better. He also was “afraid he would break a small girl”. Grant it be that my husband is only 145 lbs. So he is not that big of a guy and he sees the beauty that not many people in a woman who doesn’t fit the image on Vogue.

But I said that that didn’t just apply to weight. What about our living situation? In the past few posts I have made updates about us moving to an urban area and I grew up in a town in the middle of no where with 2500ish people in it. I am a the girl that you hear mentioned in country songs but some how I feel in love with a “pretty city boy” and not a “fishin’ in the dark nitty gritty boy” as Canaan Smith puts it in his song I Wanna Love You Like That. My husband grew up in the urban area so this is no big deal for him to adjust. For me on the other hand, it’s interesting all the things that are different. I won’t go into those right now that is a another post for another day but lets just say that urban was never my idea as home.

I always saw it a where the poorer people lived or the people who were not as hard working as my family was because we had a small farm and did many things for ourselves. Obviously that is NOT TRUE, it is just a different lifestyle and God has decided that it is best me to come out of my comfort zone and join the land with lots of people and not as many trees. It’s His plan for me to be here and I think I will learn to really like it here. I have to say it is super nice having everything less than 15 minutes away 🙂

Where is my point in all this? My point is that life is not able to fit inside one little box and it never should be. Just because someone does something one way like wear their hair purple and short doesn’t make them wrong compared to someone who’s hair is long and natural. God is working on everyone in His own time and He knows exactly where He wants us to go. It might take us a few different tries but we will get there no matter what society says we should do.

And if you are still struggling with weight issues and no matter what you try the pounds just won’t come off, that is all right too because for some reason the weight might actually be good. I know that sounds backward but think about it. God has made you the way you are for a reason. Don’t worry or fret about the unwanted weight. Just keep working and soon things will turn around because God has built you right the first time just remember that. You are perfect in His eyes and He loves you very much. He wants you to be His child and to have a wonderful relationship with Him.

Because I am where I am meant to be and built to be what God wants me to be right now. What brought this on? It was actually from watching my husband build our dresser last night. Some parts went in easy and some not so much as shown in the picture below.


He had to use his fists multiple times to get the pieces to fit. They were all supposed to fit perfectly, as they were designed, but some just needed a little bit more help than others. When it was all done, the piece came out wonderful and just as it was supposed to be and we are the same. There is a master plan and, in the end, we will see the reason behind the handiwork God has set in motion.

A job well done.
A job well done.

Being Thankful

So right now, I am going through a time of being thankful for what I have and, let me tell you, it’s hard. Then I asked myself, “why?” I have everything I need to survive and a loving  husband and daughter to care for. Why is it still when I look out the window or go online I get sad because I can’t have what I think I want?

Well that probably has to do with the fact we are moving and new house equals a new start. I want this house to be perfect. All our marriage we have been blessed by people giving us furniture and other household stuff which has been a huge money saver and normally I am fine with it. But for some reason, this move has a different feel. I went into it with wanting all new stuff. I didn’t even want to go to Goodwill because I was tired of having second hand (if not more) stuff. Well I got my wagon fixed really fast because my husband was the one who pointed out my flaw.

It’s not because we can’t afford the stuff, it because we can be just as big of a blessing to the person giving it to us as they are to us for giving it. Does that make sense? We will have more money in the bank to buy the little knick knack stuff if we don’t spend it all on furniture and other things. And the giver gets the blessing of knowing how much they helped us out.

That being said, I saw his point and can smile about it. Now it is fun going and looking because the big stuff was provided for and the little stuff can take its time showing up. I am thankful for the people in my life who care enough to bless us and I hope we are a blessing to them.  Life would be pretty boring and hard if we had to about it alone.