It Isn’t About the Bunny

Happy Easter everyone! For some it’s just a holiday that’s full of candy and fun. If you go back to ancient times you will learn what the bunnies and chicks really stand for and it’s not kid friendly. But for me, Easter (really Passover) is much more than that.

It’s the time that Jesus changed the game. He died on the cross for my sins. He went through the horror of the unfair trial, the beating, being separated from the Father, and finally giving up the ghost all for me. He knew I would be born two 1958 years later and to Him it was worth it. Wow! I still can’t believe the depths of that sometimes.

He is my Savior and my King and I can’t wait for him to come back. There’s more signs that is getting close and I’m excited. I want to meet my Savior. I want to see my Jesus face to face.

I hope you have a nice Easter and God bless!

Dang PCOS

So I just got my blood test back and it was negative. I have to still talk with my doctor but I guess it’s my PCOS flaring up for me not having a period since January. I don’t really know whether to be happy or sad to be honest. There’s tears for sure but not like before. I love having one child so I am thankful that is just just her right nowvbut what I am sad about is that means I can’t get pregnant again at all.

With the last three times it was because they wouldn’t implant but this time it is because I’m not ovulating again for this missed cycle. I really hate having PSOC. I don’t know why God has given it to me but I know it has to be a reason. I don’t know where this will leave my husband and I trying for more children but right now I definitely want a break. This is turning our intimacy as a couple into a burden and I don’t want that. It’s not good for either of us and it’s not good for our marriage. So what is the next step? I don’t know.

I just know that my Jesus loves me and He will get me through this. I have nothing else to go off of because this isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. There has be something beyond me going on and I know God is working this out for His glory. But if you think of it, send a prayer my family’s way. Even though I’m standing strong with my faith doesn’t mean something like this doesn’t hurt. I’d have to be a robot to think that not being able to have a child is no big deal.

So off I go getting to raise my one miracle child and loving my husband. That’s all I can do. It’s up to God to do the rest.

Should Have Been More Specific

I remember when my husband and I were dating and started talking about how many kids we wanted. I wanted two and he wanted four. I thought he was crazy but his number never faltered even after getting married. Well I got to thinking about it because God has already blessed us with four kids. Just one has made it to earth.

I guess my husband should have been more specific with God. I mean He gave us a fireball so we have our hands full so that isn’t an issue. It would have been nice to have met our three babies in heaven though. And there’s a strong possibility a fourth child will be joining them. We haven’t been trying  but that doesn’t mean we were 100% perfect with our birth control method and we slipped up twice. It looks like it was enough. I have been having my symptoms again (this time I’m actually 21 days late) but took a test and it was negative. Emailed my doctor and I’m having a pregnancy test done today.

We had decided to stop trying to avoid the pain of another loss. I guess God has other plans. It’s not that He wants me and my husband to suffer but there must be something for us to learn still. I don’t know what it is and I hate having to learn lessons this way but I am God’s servant and His Grace will be sufficient. If I lose this baby too then I will work through it but if He dose give us a miracle that would be great. Any prayers would be appreciated for which way this goes.

God bless!

Don’t Forget to Spring Forward, Kill the Cricket and Change the Filter

I can’t believe that it’s that time of year again. Daylight Savings Time. Never really understood the modern day purpose for it except for either making me late to church or super early if I forgot to change my clock. Thankfully cell phones have made this easier since they change automatically but still. Waking up to you coffee maker “not working” isn’t a good way to start the day.

Since being out on my own, I also learnedthere are two other things you  are supposed to change as well – the smoke detector battery and the AC filter. With all the sickness in our house lately, my dad did the filter for me but, the other night, the smoke detector got to remind me.

It was 2am onTuesday. I had finally had my fever get low enough that I was able to sleep. And it was such a good sleep when I heard the chirping begin. I couldn’t believe it! I haven’t had a good night sleep in days and, with my daughter staying with my parents, I had the chance to get someuch needed sleep.

Well needless to say, I had to get up and take out the battery since we didn’t have any 9 volts lying around and swore I would go to the store at a decent hour. Only thing was the chirping continued. I thought I only had one detector in the house but actually we have three. So it was the best night for them to die because one of them is in my daughter’s room and, if she was home, would have made for an unpleasant experience. She would have been up for hours after being woken up like that.

So I took them all down and swore to go in the morning to get batteries and went back to bed. I did go in the morning to the store and all three detectors are back where they belong and my daughter was able to come home Tuesday night after spending a long time away from us.

So with this strange tradition that doesn’t make a ton of sense these days, if you have Daylight Savings, it is up again this Sunday. Good luck and hopefully it won’t mess up your coffee 🙂

 

All is Right in the World

I am so thankful for my life right now. These past few days have been a roller coaster with Aaron getting sick and having to take him to the hospital, to being separated from daughter for five days. It has been a good growing time for both my husband and I but I am ready to be woken up by a little girl knocking on her door demanding to come out.

I mean it’s kind of ironic really. My husband and I have been needing a weekend away for some time now but couldn’t and now have been forced to spend four days kid free since she couldn’t be around my husband and then she couldn’t be around me. It wasn’t the get away we planned but I guess it still counts. It was nice to have the time alone with him (after I learned he wasn’t going to die). We wanted to relax but  hadn’t planned on it being mandatory. We wanted to be in bed together but planned on doing something else besides binge watching Once Upon a Time again (first time for him). But the whole point of our get aways is that we are together and for these last few days we were.

My daughter finally got to sleep in her own bed last night since my fever had broke during the night before and now she is crying wanting to see me. So my world is back to normal. And I’ll try to enjoy it better than I was before this all happened. My life isn’t always perfect but it’s mine and I wouldn’t trade it for anything 🙂

No More Binkis!

So my little girl has done it. She has given up her binki. I don’t know whether or not to praise God or cry. We had planned on taking it away after her birthday in April but to have her done with it now was a shock. We tried to take it away back in December but that was a disaster so we gave it back and figured she would give it up when she was ready.

Then we went to church last week and she lost it. We couldn’t find it anywhere in the classroom. We think that she may have given it to a little friend and someone else has an extra binki now. Then we couldn’t find the spare when we got home. Well I wasn’t going to go to Walmart at 9:00pm so we just put her to bed without her binki and crossed our fingers. She went to sleep with no fuss! It was amazing! I thought maybe it was a fluke so I wasn’t going to call it a success until she had gone five nights without it. Well she has and I couldn’t be happier… sort of.

Why am I not totally happy? Well that means that my little girl is no longer a baby, and I am not sure if I am ready for that yet. My husband and I have stopped trying for another baby right now since the loss of our three babies was getting to be too much so we have made it a point to really enjoy our daughter. So, the fact that she has given up her binki, means we are almost out of the baby stage with her. All that is left is potty training. Then she will be a big girl and no longer my little baby.

So I am happy that I no longer have to keep track of her binki or her teeth going bad, but I am sad since she is growing up so fast. She is so precious to me.

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God’s Not Done With Me Yet

I have always been told that unless it’s your time to die, nothing can happen to you. That God has Hid hand of protection over you and He won’t let anything happen to you unless He is done with you. Is this true? Well the apostles would surely say so. They went through hell and back with the many times that people tried to kill them. I mean John was boiled in oil! How do you survive being boiled in oil unless God had His hand over you and still has work for you to do?

So then I started thinking about my life (since I have been through a good amount but not as much as others) and about all the times that should have died. I almost wasn’t born that is how much satan has tried to bump me off. Then I almost died from liver failure as an infant, I was diagnosed (I should say misdiagnosed) with spinal meningitis when I was 9, suffered from many falls from horses, was abused by a boyfriend,  was misdiagnosed with leukemia, and would have died in child birth if it wasn’t for our awesome first world medical treatment. Hmmm… Why does satan want me dead so badly? He has tried many times and failed. I am just a lowly human who has no power right?

Oh you couldn’t be more wrong. Yes, I am human and yes I have no power in myself, but I have power through Jesus Christ to do things that simply scare the crap out of the devil. Me waking up every morning puts fear into his heart because I can mess up his plans with just the slightest act of kindness to a stranger. I am spreading to the love of Jesus everywhere I go and satan hates that.

He doesn’t want to have the love of God spread and preached throughout the world. He wants the world to stay in darkness and chaos. It a chess match that he shifted the weight too much to his side and he thinks we can’t win. But we can keep our king alive through the power of our King – Jesus Christ.

It is kind of like a game of chess. Jesus is the ultimate chess piece that trumps all the pieces. He can come in a wipe satan off the board and claim victory, but He uses little pawns and rooks and his knights to do it instead so at the very end end He will have the victory. Jesus is coming but right now his little pawns are out there with a few rooks coming in help the pawns and the knights to help them and the queen (Holy Spirit) to help with all. Yes each pawn will perish but the King has the final say.

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So if you are going through some hard stuff, see it as a blessing and not a curse. It just means  that satan is really afraid of you because you are meant to do great things for God, and I can’t think of anything better than to have little old satan afraid of me.