I Feel Bipolar Sometimes!

You know those days when are a mom when you feel like you are going crazy? Yeah, I have them too. I hate to admit it but I feel bipolar most days with this task of parenting. One minute I am at a high and the next I want to go a curl up in a corner. Is there such thing as balance in parenting? I keep being told there is.

Where is it? I want to show my daughter the love of Jesus in everything I do which is totally possible when she is being good like finally going pee pee in the potty after a week of training, but, when she had just dumped a whole back of sunflower seeds on the floor when told not to touch them, it’s really hard to show Jesus sometimes. Does that make me a bad parent? I don’t think so. I think that just makes me normal really.

I like to think that even Mary had to roll her eyes a few times when raising Jesus. Think about it. He was the Son of God who never sinned. Wouldn’t that mean He was the perfect child? Did He ever fight with His siblings or knew exactly how to potty train? He must have never had his parents raise their voices at Him because He had to have always honored them. They literally had the perfect kid. Imagine their surprise when their next kid came along and they really got thrown into the world of parenting. They probably thought something was wrong with the kid. Why won’t he stop crying? Don’t hit your brother! Pee in the basket (or whatever they used)! Why can’t we be more like Jesus?

Talk about being truly bipolar. They probably thought they had this parenting thing down (now mind you Jesus ran off at 12 years old but still He did it without dishonoring them). That’s actually how I feel most people are. My parents have this saying “You are the perfect parent until you become one”. And it is so true. I thought I knew exactly how I was going to raise Emma and I think I am on plan Q. The truth is that parenting is rather confusing and frustrating and wonderful all the same time. Here are my tips on keeping myself sane and maybe they will help you too.

  1. Pray without ceasing
  2. Pray without ceasing
  3. Pray without ceasing
  4. God’s grace is sufficient

Sorry if that isn’t as clear cut as you would have hoped. I really don’t know much more than that right now. Now if it was an infant, then I could actually give you advice, but with the stage my daughter is in right now, I am figuring it out as I go. I know it is all worth it and someday I will see the fruits of my labor. Until then, all I can do is love my daughter unconditionally like Jesus loves me. That I know I can do.

So for all you moms out there who feel like they are going insane and nothing is going right with your kids, take heart. Your hard work is paying off even if you don’t see it. How do I know? Because, when my daughter goes out, I hear nothing but compliments I know I must be doing something right. It’s for that moment when the care giver says “your child is so pleasant to be around” that I know all the tantrums and power plays are worth it. She is turning out to be a decent person even if I feel like I might lose my mind some days.

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After a full week of consistent training, Emma finally went pee pee in the potty today 🙂

 

I’m 2!

I can’t believe that my little girl is 2! Where has the time gone? I know in the moment it has felt like it would take forever for her to get to two years old, but, now that it’s here, I am amazed at how fast it has gone. She is such a joy in my life. I can’t stand going a day without seeing her face or hearing her laugh. She is an amazing person and I can’t wait to see that her future holds.

So I have a little prayer from my daughter for this year. I think we all need more prayer and I want to start with my daughter.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for giving me Emma. She is such a precious and trying gift from You, Lord. She has helped me grow in so many ways. I have learned so much about myself more than her in these past two years than I could ever imagine. I couldn’t imagine my life without her, Lord.

I pray that you give her blessings and wisdom as she gets older. She may be only two but she can still do great things for Your kingdom at her young age. She is Your creation and I pray that she will come to know You quickly as her Creator and Savior.

I ask all of these things in Your name Jesus,

Amen.

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What My Child is Teaching Me

I have learned a lot since becoming a parent. I have learned that there is more to raising a child than just making silly noises and playing games. There’s a lot of responsibility in keeping someone else alive everyday, but she’s taught me something else. She has shown me how selfish I am.

I always knew other people were selfish but I never knew how selfish I was until I had my daughter. I’m so selfish with my time and resources that it makes me so sad sometimes. Here she is just being a kid and most of the time I would rather her go and play by herself so I can get my stuff done that I want to do. How selfish is that?

So I am being worked on in that area of my life and maybe someday it will be worked out. You can’t be a good parent and be selfish at the same time. It like a pirate with treasure and his rum while falling off a cliff. He can try to hang onto both but he can’t pull himself up. He has to let go of one of them. One will bring pleasure now but it quickly fading and the other is heavier but it will bring him the most joy in the long run. I was the pirate, I would ditch the rum and keep the treasure.

Because, in the long run, my greatest treasure is my daughter and God has given her to me to raise the way He wants. I can’t do that if I don’t give her the time and attention she needs. My projects will always be there but my daughter is only little for a short time. I would rather pull her in close and know that at least one thing was taken care of that day – I know that my daughter came first.

So hold your kids tight. This is just but a season with them. Soon they will be out on their own and won’t need you like they do now. My daughter is 2 years old in two weeks and I can’t believe how fast she has grown up. I don’t want to miss her childhood.

She’s So Precious

I have to say that I started out today not in the best mood. I was irritable and easily flustered but I didn’t want to be that way for me and especially not my daughter. So we went to the gym where I did my thing and Emma got to go play with some kids.

We then came home, I made lunch and we played in her room until she went down for a nap. The nap wasn’t going so well so I sent and got her out of her room, but I could see she was still tired so we came out to the couch and this is what happened.

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She is so cute when she sleeps 🙂

Precious right? She may be almost 2 but she is still my baby. My little Emma is growing up so fast and I can’t do anything to stop it. So I’ll just enjoy these moments I am given 🙂

We Don’t Sing in the Rain, We Play!

So here in Northern California, we have been getting a good amount of rain. I’m not complaining since we need it but my daughter has been going crazy not being able to go outside. I have been telling her that we are going to have inside play days for a little while but that kept her attention for like one day. She wants to to go outside.

So finally I let her out. I tried to get a coat on her but she probably thought I would change my mind in that time so she grabbed her rain boots and went out in the rain. She thought is was awesome! She has never had so much fun in her life.

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The picture is a little far away since I was still the lame adult who didn’t want to get wet but you can still see her smile as clear as bell.

Do yo remember when something so simple made you so happy? I know I have, but it is so easy to look too far in the future to think about all the simple moments that are in front of you. Of course it is good to plan, I do it everyday but does it really make me happy? My daughter runs on no time frame and she is the happiest person I know. Maybe being so rigid and planned out isn’t a good thing all the time. Maybe I need to loosen up and actually go out in the rain and play with my daughter. It’s ok to get wet and muddy now even though I am all grown up. Right? Who cares if I look silly. I shouldn’t have just taken a picture of her playing, I should have been out there with her.

Now tonight she won’t get to go out and play since I don’t want her to get sick, but we will do something else that’s alot of fun. I want to remember all these precious moments since we will probably never get to experience them again. She is our only baby and now very quickly turning into our little girl. She is growing up so fast and soon she won’t want to play in the rain. She will be the lame adult taking a picture from inside the house.

Total Mommy Fail

So yesterday, after my triumphant post, I had the afternoon that just went wrong. My husband came home sick, my daughter pushed every button I have and my plans for the evening got turned upside down. I tried my best to keep my wits about m but I lost it. I actually said that “I that didn’t want to be a mom anymore”. Of course that isn’t true. I would never trade being able to back to being free for my daughter, I wouldn’t do it. She is the best thing that happened to me.

So why did I say that then? Because I was in a mood and my tongue got the best of me, I hurt my daughter’s feelings and that was wrong of me. It was total mommy fail. I wish it wasn’t so but I have to say that I am not perfect. I yelled at my precious daughter for something that really wasn’t her fault. She was tired, I was tired and we both ended up in tears. It was really pathetic to see and I really was the one who needed the scolding and not my daughter.

So I had to apologize to my daughter and pray for God’s forgiveness for my actions. I know that I need to be a better mom to her. I know I have a lot to learn. I am not a bad mom but I need to be better. Only by the grace of God will I be able to be any good as a mother. Only with His help will my daughter become the woman that she is meant to be. I will do my best to raise her but she is God’s girl, and I need to do better. Show her that I love her as much as I do even when I am not having a good day. In those moments, I just need to stop and hug her. I need to forget what I am doing to show her that I love her. That is what God does for me, therefore I need to do the same for her.

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How could I ever be upset with a little face like this? Inconceivable!

No, No, No!

So recently we have jumped another milestone in our journey of parenthood – our daughter can now say “No”. She is still our cutie but now with more of an opinion than ever. I now ask her a question and now she can say yes and no and more often right now is no. But then she will all of a sudden she will randomly say “No, no, no!” when she has come across something that isn’t going well that she is playing with at that moment. She gets very upset and tries to fix but is too upset to see that answer is right in front of her. If she would just pick up the block and turn it one turn to the left, it would fit. It’s rather cute in that aspect but it got me thinking.

When my daughter says her “no” rant, it’s not really directed at anything really but it’s still saying “no”. Am I that way with God? Sometimes I just plain out say “No” to God and, like my daughter, receive not so good consequences, then there are other times where I am saying “no, no, no” for no reason. I get frustrated at something because it isn’t going exactly the way I wanted it. Maybe it is out of frustration but it is still saying no to our Creator. Like He isn’t running my life right in this one area. Everything else is going good but this little area needs my handy work to be better.

How might you ask does this look? Say you have grown tired of waiting for something so you go stomping off say “no, no, no” and go off and do you own thing in an other area for a moment. Say you want to get out of debt but it is really hard and yo go off and purchase lots of new shoes. That act totally cancelled out the goal you were setting.  It isn’t like you are 100% defying God’s will but you are still not  saying “yes” to Him to trust that  He is looking out for your best interest. It might look cute to the world to be going your own way, like you deserve those shoes since you work hard, but it is still not cute to God.

When my daughter goes into one of her rants, all I do is roll my eyes and wait for her to come back to her senses. I don’t punish her but I don’t praise her either. That is God’s response. Nothing will happen directly to you since by God since He doesn’t punish us we have to deal with the consequences, but rather we will not receive the blessings He has in store for us. I personally don’t want to miss out.

What about you? Is there something in your life that might be going quite the way you are wanting to go so you try to make it work while mentally shouting “no, no, no”? I know I do sometimes with things like my business and my writing. I have learned that if I just calm down and wait for a couple seconds, I can see the problem clearly in front of me and then I can move forward.

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Emma being a big now with a spoon 🙂