Since I am dealing with this whole PCOS thing, it is easy for me to look at what I don’t have more than what I do. I guess it has something to do with me being human. But this morning I was reminded by God that I have may blessings already. Yes, I have had another hard week with disappointment but that doesn’t mean I should miss out on the little blessing I already have.
Her name is Emma and she is my sunshine. This morning she did the cutest thing I think she has ever done. I was busy doing my morning chores and she came into my room with something in her hand that she was insisting to put in my hair. Of course her being a toddler, I was skeptical, but her little eyes were just begging me to let her do it. So I did and you know what it was? A star sticker. She thought it would look pretty in my hair like the clips and hairbands I put in hers. It melted my heart completely and I realized that this was my reason for living. If I never have another baby that is OK because I have the best little girl in the world. I mean how can’t you just smile when you look at her face?
She is my miracle. I should have put her middle name as Grace, but it is Rochelle, because she is God’s gift I don’t deserve. And after she was done decorating my hair, she went on to decorating my pants.
Isn’t it pretty? Emma was sure proud herself and I kept them on for as long as the adhesive would allow.
It was what I needed this morning. So this is meant to encourage you today. God has His rainbow out there for you somewhere in your trials. You just have to look for it. It would have been easy for me to just push her away and tell her she was not going to put anything in my hair until I saw it, but that would have taken the joy out of it.
I love the quote by Beth Moore that says, “Today I choose joy. Even if I don’t feel like it, I will choose to be joyful in all things”. I feel like that was a good example to me. I decided to trust my daughter wasn’t putting a spider or something on my head and allowed her to do what she was trying to bless me with. And I was blessed.
So I hope today, if you are having a hard time, you look for the blessings and joy around you. It may not feel like there is any in sight but there is. Because the joy of the Lord is my strength and I will remember to choose it everyday. 🙂
So I am slightly embarrassed to admit this but I just had a night alone with my husband in our new place and I cried through half of it. Why you ask? No it wasn’t because we were fighting or having a bad time. Actually we were having a grand time. What was the turning point? My daughter’s empty crib.
It has been such a long road for me with her. I never knew if she was even going to make it into the world. But lots of prayer and a good doctor, she came into the world with the loudest cry I can remember. But that is not where the trials ended. She was taken from me immediately after she was born to the NICU because I came down with an infection during my labor, and then we spent almost three days trying to bond through the wires and the the hardship of trying to breast feeding. Of which never took off
You would think it would get better once we got home but that wasn’t the end. For the next two months I struggled to breastfeed because my milk never came in which led to day after day of frustration of pumping and trying to get my daughter to latch. It was a complete disaster.
But wait there’s more. Not only could I not produce milk but I also went into a deep depression. More than the baby blues. And it lasted for months. I couldn’t bond with my baby and I felt horrible since I didn’t think I was being a bad mother.
Now 19 months later I finally had a moment that erased all those doubts in my head. I found her baby hat today and that was the spark. She used to be so little and it is amazing how fast she has grown.
But the true moment was when I walked by her room and saw the empty crib. My wonderful mother in law has taken her for the night, and I know they are having so much fun, but I can’t wait to have her back. I guess it proves that I have grown past those difficulties and can love her whole heartedly. She is everything to me and she has grown me so much. There are days that I would love to have a break but it’s in those breaks that I realize that I wouldn’t have it any other way. Putting her bed each night in the highlight of my day. Hearing her say “bye” because she doesn’t know how to say “good night” just melts my heart.
I enjoy the time I get with my husband more than anything but I love my daughter. I just pray someday that I will have the opportunity to have and love more. Maybe someday I can have this verse be said about me. It would be the biggest honor of my life 🙂
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
So my little girl has been helping me grow lately. She is going through another teething phase so she has been on the cranky side. Like this morning she woke up screaming even after I gave her what she asked for. The screaming wouldn’t stop.
So I prayed for grace for the day. Because I know God’s grace is sufficient for me no matter how my day goes He will give me the grace to make it through.
I had a interesting night with my daughter last night. She must have eaten something bad at a restaurant that made her sick (I was also sick from this restaurant) because right before bed she started vomiting everywhere. It was so scary for me.
I never understood what my mom meant when she said she had more sleepless nights when we were
grown than we were babies until last night. While my daughter had finished throwing up at the moment and was now sleeping in her bed, I was a nervous wreck thinking that she was going to choke or something in her sleep. I stayed up late to make sure she didn’t have another episode and sure enough she did. I was on the floor with her on her stomach and obviously not feeling well in tears. It was the worst feeling ever.
I wanted to help her so bad but there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless that all I could do is pray for her healing. I then spent the rest of the night lying awake at every move that came from her room. It was like when she was a new born again and I slept in her room for two months because I was afraid that she would be lost to SIDS. It was something out of my control and I had to leave her in God’s hands and just wait to see how things looked in the morning.
It was a long night but, after a night of prayer, she woke up with a smile and no more sickness. It was a good lesson for me to remember how to trust God in everything. He is my shield and stay. If something does happen to my daughter, I just have to remember that I can only do my best and the rest is up to God. He has plan for my daughter and it will be completed when it is completed. Until then she will be safe in my arms and I will enjoy her everyday.
Because with great love comes with a risk. If I didn’t want to have that risk of losing her I would never have had children but that isn’t the case. I love being a mom and I look forward to having more children in the future. How soon I don’t know since my daughter wasn’t planned according to my timeline but she was just on time on God’s timeline for me. I love her more than words can express and I will always be there to protect her. She is my light and my love. She is the best thing, next to my husband and family, that God has given to me and I plan to take care of His gifts to me with all my might.
So bring on these next few years where colds and flus are normal. I am ready… And I have a stock pile of tissues to go with it 😉