Has Woman’s Rights Helped All Women?

If you clicked on this post I assume that you found the title interesting and you already have your opinion. Do you say “Yes! Woman’s Right has made life better” or “No! It has made life harder”? What area of Woman’s Rights am I talking about? Did that question pop into your head? Do you think that I am talking about voting, pay, or economic standing? Well I think I will surprise you if you can hang in with me.

I would say that no Woman’s Rights haven’t helped ALL women. I love being able to vote so I am not talking about that. I appreciate being able to go school and college so I and not talking about that. I love I can go and get a job, but that is what I am talking about. Has women going into the work really helped women in the long run?

I’ll just let you think about your opinion for a moment but I suggest you hear me out and keep reading.

I am a very motivated woman who is studying to be a teacher. I have a 4.0 GPA and believe in working hard for what you want out of life. But there is one thing that makes me crazy and that is the fact that a single woman or a married woman cannot thrive anymore on one income. Now think about what I mean.

I know many single women who have to have roommates to help with rent, utilities and food or they would have to move back in with their parents. And someone like me I am a married woman who is having to get a career because my husband can’t support us alone on his slightly higher than average income.

According to Woman’s Rights that shouldn’t happen so why is it? It is because there is honestly only so much money to go around. Back in the 50s and prior, women stayed at home (I know all about the history  and I am thankful for the work of women before me so don’t go there quite yet) and their husbands were able to provide for them. Yes, women had to get married to be able to leave the family home. They had to rely on a man to provide for them. But they were able to be good house keepers, mothers and friends because they had the time to devote to that. Now days that isn’t true.

We are now in the modern age and a woman to be on her own still needs people to help. She still needs a man or roommates to help. But here is the flip side. Because more women have wanted to work that means that men can’t make as much. So the option of a woman wanting to stay at home has become a very tough thing if not impossible. It has created this atmosphere of both parents having to work to make the same amount as a man would have back in the day to provide for his family.

So no I don’t think that Woman’s Rights has helped all women. It has taken away my ability to thrive as a stay at home mom and puts us in the poverty line. It makes it so that I have to go to get an official career that makes more than minimum wage so that I can make a profit after paying for child care. It has made it so that my daughter will have to go to school for her younger years because I need the school to watch her while I am at work. It has messed the equilibrium up and we are no better off now than we were back in the 50s with the exceptions of voting, education and job opportunity.

So now that you have read this whole article what is your opinion? Do you agree or do you not? I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter in the comments as long as they respect both sides of the argument.

Have a wonderful day and I will see you next time 🙂

Advertisements

What to Do When You are Stuck?

     file0001242867053

      Have you ever felt stuck before? I have. It’s not a fun feeling. You see what you want or where you want o go but your feet are cemented to the ground. You can’t move no matter how hard you try. It’s called a holding pattern in some groups. To me, it’s called torture. I have been working for some time to unstuck, but there is one thing that has me where I am. It isn’t God’s timing for me to move. He wants me right where He has me no matter how much I was to protest.

        How can I so easily say that? Because I have found that no matter how I try to make something happen, if it’s not what God wants, it’s not going to happen. Sometimes being stuck is just God saying “no” yet we persist to actually be running into a wall instead of not moving at all. To me that is worse since I don’t like be hurt and bruised due to my own will.

        I can recall a time where this happened though so don’t think you are alone. My husband and I have been wanting to move to a better state for many years now (we live in California and you can see why we want to leave), but the doors have never opened. Even though we think that we should have been able to move years ago, God set out His answer of “no”. I hated it since I hate many things that go on in the state I live. I wanted to move some where that agreed with at least the majority of the laws and the government had brains. But whatever. I tried to push my way through with my husband putting out over fifty applications to many states trying to find a job so we could move.

         After doing that for about six months, I gave up. Said “God, I guess we are not moving, so there”. I then went on my merry way as long as I didn’t watch the news or paid attention to the things that were being passed by the California legislators.

        Then we tried again and the answer was still no and I was getting really annoyed. But I just kept going with it since God had opened other doors in California for us. That was when this hurricane season hit. The main area we were trying to move to was Houston Texas. I wanted to move there so bad because, for the price of our house, we could practically buy wherever we wanted in Houston. It would have solved all our problems. Or would it? The area we were looking has now been destroyed and damaged by the hurricane. That would have been us swimming to safety from the home that we would have fought God so hard for. It would have been a disaster.

          So if I kept ramming the wall to move out of state, I probably would have made it, but would it have really been the answer? Yes, I am not a fan of the politics in California but at least my house wasn’t flooded and we didn’t lose everything. I still have my family nearby and we would have been on our own if we had moved. It wasn’t God’s best for us, and I am thankful for that.

         I guess what I am trying to say is that, if you feel stuck, it actually is for your best. It means that you can go a hurt yourself worse. It is a way that God can protect you just like a parent grabs their kid’s arm so they won’t run into the street. All you see as God’s child is the toy or park you want to go play with on the other side but God as your good Father sees the cars and the dangers around you. It is His job to protect His kids and sometimes we are not going to like the answer He gives us. I know I don’t sometimes, but when I look back, I can see it was for my good.

          So my prayer is that you will look around and see what God might be protecting you from. And, when the time is right, everything you are desiring will fall into place.

 

Finding Time to Write – An Author’s Confession

     It seems like there is a bunch of craziness flying around in our every day lives. I hardly have time to put makeup on in the morning let alone carve out time for myself. But, as a writer, there is one problem when you don’t find the time to write. You literally start to feel your head hurt from all the ideas in your head.

     I went a month without writing because I started a teaching credential and there just wasn’t much time for anything else. But then the ideas for my current novel just kept replaying and building up until I literally couldn’t sleep well at night. I knew what would cure me, but I wanted to get as much school work done as possible. Writing wasn’t paying the bills like I wanted so it must not be that important.

     I am here to say that it’s vital for an author to live by setting time aside to write. If I don’t write, I start getting a little cranky since I have characters and voices in my head trying to get out, but I won’t let them. So the best thing for me is to sit down and write something even if it only five minutes a day. Not only is this a good habit to actually finish books, but it’s a good time to spend on you.

     If you are anything like me, your books go along with how your life is going, and, if you don’t let those thoughts and passions out, they will just eat you up. What do I mean? Say something bad happens to you and your character is supposed to have something happen to them that might not be in their favor. I find that having my characters go through things similar to me helps me process the world around me. So if I don’t sit down and process the bad things that happen to me, they just build and build until I explode. That is not helpful to anyone around me or myself.

     But, if I take the time to write, that happens a lot less often. So I would encourage all my writing buddies out there to put writing as a true priority when life gets busy. Because it is the way our minds work, and we we need to keep our minds sharp for all the dangers we must dodge as we trudge our way through this adventure and life as we know it. Only until we reach the diamond of success with the sword of determination will we know the victory over the our evil adversary – the schedule.

     Sorry. I just had to add some of my own flare in there.

      What will you write today?

5 Tips: How to Survive a Vasectomy

If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you know that we are a couple with secondary infertility due to chromosomal abnormalities to any embryo that is conceived and we decided to have my husband have a vasectomy as a permanent way to end our suffering. I am not going to lie that it was not the easiest thing for either of us to go through but it was the best thing. So I am going to tell you about our experience and some tips that we learned along the way.

First, make sure your doctor has the experience. I know the only way for a young doc to get experience is by doing but these are your balls for heaven’s sake so make sure the guy (or gal) knows what they are doing. My husband got a great doctor who was the most requested we found out, but we were just blessed to get placed with him.

For the ladies, I hate to tell you that they probably won’t let you go back with your husband. I had to wait in the lobby for an hour since I couldn’t go back with him. I hated it, but my husband said it was a good thing. He said that my mama bear side would have come out if I saw the doctor messing with his junk and searing his vans after snipping them a part. So I would suggest you just take a book and take the time to relax because, once you get home, you will have a full grown baby on your hands.

Now, my husband is not a wimp and he will tell you that this knocked him on his butt. It did hurt for the first couple of days a lot more than he thought. I have never seen him on so much pain killer, but, after we learned these tricks, things got better.

  1. Support! Guys, you need something more supportive than your boxer briefs. My husband thought it would be and he was very much wrong. A cup would work, but he realized it would be hard to ice with it on. So what we did was just bundle up a small bunch of gauze (like the size of your ball sack) and place it BEHIND your balls. That will push them forward and take the pressure off making them hang while they are very angry at you.
  2. Ice! Ice was crucial to my husband’s recovery. But he couldn’t get it himself. So make sure for the first four days that there is someone home to get the ice for your man every twenty minutes. I would give him twenty minutes on and twenty minutes off. It was tedious, but it got my husband out of bed quicker.
  3. Some kind of essential oil like lavender to help with bruising, and keeping the incision clean. Now I will say here that there is “no medical backing” behind this since it’s natural so ask your doctor first. But I used it and it helped. So do your homework on it but it’s just a tip. Everyone is different. But ladies you are going to want to get something for your man because he will hardly be able to walk to the bathroom alone let alone shower for the first four days. Then, when he was able, I had to be there to help him shower since he had to hold his balls to keep them from hanging. I’ll be honest and say that my husband couldn’t stand naked without holding his balls for about two weeks, but after day four he got pretty good and showering one handed. So something for smell is a good idea, but it doesn’t hurt if it will help his recovery too.
  4. Have the kids out of the house for the first two days. This is because you as the wife will have enough on your plate with your laid up husband and your husband doesn’t need kiddos jumping on him as soon as he gets home. Hit up friends and grandparents to take the kids. Trust me. This is the best tip. I was so tired after that first day that I did really need the second day to just relax and watch movies next to my husband in between getting him ice every twenty minutes.
  5. And finally, try to make it fun. Talk about your sex life after the vasectomy is healed and how worth it is. Because, after about one hour, your husband will be thinking he made the worst decision in his life. It will be up to you ladies to keep his eyes on the prize of being able to have all the hot sex you want without birth control. No more condoms, pills, schedules, thermometers, sponges, or the horrible pulling out at ejaculation. Until he is on his feet, he will need a reason for why he did this and it is up you ladies to do that.

So there are my tips. It might sound horrible to go through but it is so worth it. Our sex life has never been better since we got the final all clear that it was a success. We now can live our lives without the stress of losing another baby and can enjoy the perfect little one we have now. So if you are considering a vasectomy, I would say go for it. It is well worth the few days of pain and inconvenience. Because I don’t know about you but it’s way better all natural and even better when the bullets are all blank.

Hoped this helped. Have a great day! 🙂

6 Things Never Say to Someone with Secondary Infertility

   I know that there are people out there who only have the best intentions at heart, but all it take is one misplaced word to not feel like it. How do I know? Because I was surrounded by them who thought they were helping and I had to teach them what I needed to hear and when. The topic I want to talk about is what to NOT say to a friend, or even spouse, that is going through secondary infertility.

   Here is what you don’t know about what’s going on in their head. They feel broken, insufficient, second class, crazy, misunderstood and FRUSTRATED. So the last thing they need right now is for you to make them feel worse even if that isn’t your intention. So here is a list of things that made my situation worse and you should avoid.

1. “You will get pregnant if you are just patient.” I hated this one because my husband and I have dealt with secondary infertility for two years before he finally got a vasectomy to finally end the misery. No, if you are patient it won’t always happen. We tried and tried and tried and, you know what it got us? More heartache. If your friend has been talking about doing something permanent about their type of infertility (mine was chromosomal so the baby wouldn’t develop properly and ending in miscarriage) then NEVER, once again NEVER, say this. You might not know how long they have actually been trying. In your mind it has only been a few months that they have been public about it, but they could have been trying for a year before they announced it.

  • So what should you say instead? “I understand and I am here to listen to you.” All your friend needs to know is that someone will listen to them. I know that was what I needed the most. My doctor wouldn’t listen, and no one else believed me since I didn’t always get a positive pregnancy test, but it would have been the best thing. And if you don’t feel comfortable then listen to the best of your ability and softly suggest they find a professional to talk with. We cannot be everyone’s counselor and sometimes we shouldn’t be. So if it is too much to handle, then suggesting some help isn’t off limits.

2. “Well you have a baby, so you should be thankful.” I am going to tell you what this means – heartless! This is probably one of the most heartless things someone could say to someone who is going through secondary infertility. If you think that they are not thankful for their child, then you are out of touch. Your friend isn’t upset about not being able to have more kids because they are not thankful, but rather they are grieving the death of a dream. Do you have more than one child? If so, then why did you want more children? Shouldn’t you have just been thankful with your first child? Ridiculous right? Well this heartless saying is like a knife to the heart.

  • What should you say instead? “You have a beautiful child (or children), but I understand your natural desire to want more children.” It is 100% natural to want more kids so, when you can’t, it’s hard to accept. If you make them think their desire needs to be invalid just because they already have kids, then you are missing the point of their pain. Because they have kids already is why they are the most frustrated. They get to stare at their fertility every single day, and it is painful to wrap their heads around why they have been barred from having anymore. So don’t discount the desire or make them feel bad for wanting more kids.

3. “God has a plan.” If they are religious (even if they are super strong in their beliefs), don’t throw God in there right away because frankly those going through secondary infertility are probably also having a tough time with their relationship with God. There is nothing but confusion on why He would allow this to happen to them, and there is also A LOT of anger. This was true for my husband and I and it still is a sore spot when a trigger happens. It’s something that will take years to get over. So DO NOT just throw this out there just because you have nothing else to say. It will do more harm than good.

  • What should you say instead? Honestly, feel it out. I would suggest you wait until they bring it up. Don’t be the one to bring it up first and DO NOT just throw Bible verses at them about God’s love and plan. Like I said, this might do more harm than good. God does have a plan and we cannot see it. The problem is that your friend might not be able to see past the next day let alone a year from now. So just listen and be there even if you don’t say anything and just sit there in silence while your friend processes.

4. “Pull up your boot straps and get over it. There are people out there worse off than you.” Now if you ever say this to a friend going through secondary infertility, know that I am smacking you over the head right now. When was the last time you got some terrible news and needed time to process? How would you have felt if someone had just come in and told you to pretty much stop caring about your loss and get over it? You might be in a really good spot right now, but your friend isn’t. They need to be validated and understood. Not told to just get over it because they can’t and in some ways they never will. Really, when you are told you can’t have anymore children, you don’t get over it completely. Instead you just get really good at faking it. What you, as the friend, don’t see is your friend’s heart over the years crumble a little bit more every time someone else announces they are pregnant or simply see a cute baby in the market and the mother is doing nothing but complaining about motherhood. Your friend would take that baby in a minute if they could because they know the pain of not having one.

  • What should you say instead? “Take as long as you need. I know this is a really hard thing, and I am here with you.” If your friend knows there is going to be someone there who knows their story and is there for them they will be more comfortable. Maybe talk about their triggers as time goes along and be there for them when one is triggered. They need to know that people understand this isn’t the same thing as a gold fish dying where you can just go to the pet store and buy a new one. This is a life time issue and it won’t go away. Like I said, we just get really good at faking it since we know that our family and friends don’t want to hear about it all the time. So we stop talking which isn’t good either, but we don’t want to always be miserable to be around. If your friend is starting to close up, then this is where I would really suggest they get help from a professional.

5. “If you just relax it will happen just like it did for me.” NEVER, I say NEVER, compare your story with your friend’s. I understand that our personal story is where we get our experience, but every story is different. If you dealt with infertility and things worked out for you then great, but that doesn’t mean it will work out for your friend. Also your friend doesn’t need you smearing your success in their face. I know that isn’t what you are thinking when you say this, but it’s not a thing of encouragement.

  • What should you say instead? NOTHING. Nothing about your story unless it is completely relevant to your friend. What do I mean? The same. You can try to be encouraging, but it doesn’t always come across as encouragement. So when in doubt, say nothing.

6. “This too shall pass.” This is not true. The pain might fade to a dull ache, but that ache will be there forever especially with having kids first. If external triggers aren’t hard enough, there are the internal triggers as well. Nothing hurts worse than seeing your three year old rocking her baby doll and tell you she is putting her baby sister to bed. Talk about a shot in the heart. It is hard enough having to deal with others outside the home, but when the other kid(s) start asking for a sibling and you know you can’t give them one then there is nothing to make that pain go away.

  • What should you say instead? “It will always hurt, but it will get easier each day.” I know this sounds counter productive but it does help. Why? Look at the first part. You validate their pain and the second part is the encouragement they need. Because it is a day by day process, and there is no way to speed up the process.

   So there you have it. What not to say and what to say to your friend who is going through secondary infertility. It’s a painful process that will probably last a life time so please be patient and just be there for them. Be their hero and their support as they try to move forward and learn what their new life is going to be. Things will get easier for them, but it is going to take some time.

A Strong Couple Jokes Together

Ok, so I know that April Fools is like ancient history this year but I finally got my chance to pull one on my husband. See, my husband is deathly afraid of bees and I have always wanted to get a bee hive. Can anyone see the issue with that? Yeah, I will never get a bee hive unless we have like a million acres and the bees are in the next county. Anyway, I saw it and I just had to go for it.

Costco was selling these starter bee hive kits and that’s where I got the idea. I called up my husband truly excited about this project even though I could hardly hold a straight face. Here is how the conversation went.

Me: “Hey Babe, I am so excited about your Father’s Day gift that I just had to tell you.”

Hubby: “Cool, what?”

Me: “Costco had these awesome bee hive kits for under $300 and I just had to get you one!”

Hubby: “Wh.. Wh.. Um. What?”

Me: “Isn’t that great?”

Hubby: “Uh, no. Please tell me you are joking.”

Me: “No, I really bought you a bee hive. All we have to do is buy the bees. We will have our own honey, and help the environment too!”

Hubby: Silence. “Um…” (He was trying to be supportive)

Me: “Gotcha! Happy belated April Fools day!”

He didn’t even have to say anything. I could feel the relief going through him on the phone.

You see, I have the most supportive hubby in the world and he will make almost anything work for me because he loves me. the one thing that I don’t think he will ever get past is his fear of bees. So, like I said, I  will have to probably always buy my honey but I did get a good giggle out of being about to finally pull a joke on my hubby.

What are some jokes you have pulled over on your husband or wife? I would love to hear them so leave a comment below with your funny joke, and I look forward to reading them.

With PCOS I Feel Like a Broken Car

Sometimes I just don’t know what to say. I think I know where I am going in life and then a curve ball comes my way. Then I go in a different direction and then another curve ball comes my way. I know that is just life, but it can be rather frustrating.

I try to listen to God’s will, but so many times I have no idea what that is. I think I do but then I don’t. You know what I mean? I think I am content where I am then something happens and I am back to square one. It then takes weeks for me to get back to where I was content because I have to grieve all over again.

I am reminded on a daily basis that I want another baby an can’t. I thought that I pregnant again even though my husband was supposed to get a vasectomy in the following two weeks. Since I thought I was pregnant we cancelled it, and now I am regretting that since we have to wait two more months for him to get it.

Where the frustration came in was that I was so happy with our decision and that we were moving forward. Now I feel like I have gone three steps back. Back to where I was when I lost my last baby. I was so angry with God then and I am back to being just as frustrated with Him now. I am trying to be content even in the fresh pain of that wound being reopened, but it’s hard. It is so hard to say God is good when I feel like He is being cruel for leading me on.

So we are back to square one with the whole baby thing and my husband has rescheduled his vasectomy, and I have to remember what hope is. It’s still good to hope even after your heart has been hurt again. That’s what Jesus would want.

He isn’t trying to be cruel because He isn’t that way. We live in a broken world with broken bodies. My body for some reason doesn’t do what it’s supposed to and I will never understand why. I am like a car with an engine, gas, and fresh battery, but it still won’t start. I have tried and tried but it still won’t change.

What I am going to do then? figure out a new way to get around. Maybe in this case my husband’s vasectomy is like changing the gas out for solar and now I will be able to move since I no longer have that one area in my life holding me back. It’s a good thing some times to change things up to be content. I can’t have a baby so we are getting a dog. We don’t want to go through this pain anymore so we are having my husband get a vasectomy. I want to have something to fulfill my life more than just being a mom and wife so I am going back to school. There is so many options for couples who have some that ultimate cross road of whether or not to keep trying.

But I know that I am not a broken car. I am really not broken at all. I am not a fan of it since I have always this – I am different. I am created differently than others because I don’t have the same path as everyone. It might feel like I am broken when I see other women sporting their baby bumps but  I have to try to keep at the forefront of my mind that I am made for something different, I have a wonderful husband, and a miracle baby who is playing with her dolls right now. My life is good and my life is full.